Tag Archives: communication

Podcasts

COL673: LoR: Smörgåsbord

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. For this one, it’s time to belly up to the table as Dr. Ed scoops up a heaping helping of the smorgasbord relationship dynamic. Chow down with the cubs as they sink their teeth into this idea of understanding relationship anarchy. As the guys get to the meat of this topic, will you keep asking for seconds or will you be full up?

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Landscape of Relationships: Smörgåsbord

Landscape of Relationships is back with Dr. Angelini-Cooke to discuss the yummy idea of a Smörgåsbord. Belly up and get ready to sink your teeth into some tasty discussion.

Last month we discussed relationship anarchy, a relationship philosophy developed by Andie Nordgren, that suggests that relationships shouldn’t be bound by any rules not agreed upon by the involved parties.  

The relationship anarchy Smorgasbord finds its origins in December 2016 by Lyrica Lawrence and Heather Orr in Vancouver polyamory.  This was updated by Maxx Hill in April and September of 2018.  The fifth version was created in January 2019.  

“This board includes a number of concepts antithetical to many understandings of RA. Not all who use this are Relationship Anarchists, and those who are may need to discuss how their relational style differs from cultural norms.

The categories are loose generalizations to help conversation, and are arranged with those relating to the larger social/political systems toward the outside, and the more personal toward the center.

To form your relationships: you and another can pick any number of “items” from any number of “platters,” take a huge helping or just a scoop. The dish the two of you hold is your relationship. Remember you must agree together on what is in it! No sneaking items in without the other knowing, or there will likely be conflict or disappointment later. Also: it’s your dish, so if you decide to change what you want from the smörgåsbord later, that’s cool.”

Categories: Physical Intimacy, Kink, Emotional Intimacy, Power Exchange, Partnership, Sexual, Romanctic Collaborative, Professional/Work, Creative, Co-caregivers, Companionship Playfulness, Public Displays of Affection, Emotional Support, Communication, Financial, Legal, Power/Hierarchy, Exclusivity, Caregiving, Religious/Spirituality, Labels/terms, Systems of Oppression (within each of these categories are related items).  

“Suggested Notations:

Yes, Maybe, Maybe in the Future, and Let’s Talk, Definitely No.  Color-coding and highlighting is fun too.”



 

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COL669: LoR: Relationship Anarchy

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Damon is away this week celebrating his birthday, but have no fear dear listeners – because Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke has returned! From scripts to relationship values, the guys discuss determining what each of us wants and needs.

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Landscape of Relationships: Relationship Anarchy

Landscape of Relationships is back with Dr. Angelini-Cooke to discuss the topic of Relationship Anarchy. Who doesn’t love disorder in their connections with others? Perhaps that isn’t what it means. Let’s learn together!

Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy post 

The term Relationship anarchist (also commonly called RA) was coined by Ardie Nordgren. Nordgren created the Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy in 2006. The Manifesto is a quick and easy read consisting of 9 principles of RA: 

  1. Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique
  2. Love and respect instead of entitlement 
  3. Find your core set of relationship values
  4. Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don’t let fear lead you
  5. Build for the lovely unexpected
  6. Fake it til’ you make it
  7. Trust is better
  8. Change through communication
  9. Customize your commitments

“Relationship anarchy is a way of approaching relationships that rejects any rules and expectations other than the ones the involved people agree on. This approach ‘encourages people to let their core values guide how they choose and craft their relationship commitments rather than relying on social norms to dictate what is right for you,” Dedeker Winston, co-host of the Multiamory podcast

Relationship Anarchists is different and distinctive from polyamory and consensual non-monogamy because while a majority of RA practitioners may be poly and/or CNM, you can be monogamous and still practice RA.  

Choose your own adventure relationships. “Designer Relationships” by Mark A. Michaels

This is in line with our last LOR topic of amatonormativity. Many ace and aro individuals are using RA as a way to navigate their relationships and future relationships, because RA can apply to any and all types of relationships, not just romantic or sexual. There is no hierarchy.

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COL650: WGO: May 2022

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of May. As the unofficial start to summer begins, catch up with the guys as they deal with work issues, traveling and finding the best spot for a wedding. In addition, the guys got a lot of feedback after this month with plenty of likes and comments that gave them much to discuss.

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Oh, yay, hiring spree. 🙁
  • Damon:  Wedding Venues and Nashville
  • Gary: Up, Down, Sideways, and All Around

Feedback 

Facebook Likes:

  • Marc E Johnson
  • Sterling Aragon
  • Robert Bruce
  • Mike Guzman
  • Joseph Thompson
  • Mark D Rogers
  • Richard Humphries
  • Carlos Perez
  • Donnie Lockwood
  • Robert Prazner
  • Jason Bolton-Lambert
  • Harry Wright
  • Ruben Rios
  • BaoBao Lai
  • Damien Leahy
  • Louis LaBella
  • Jimm Baker
  • Brad Savage
  • Pedraza Jr Rodolfo
  • James Diele-Stein
  • Rennie Thomas
  • Mario Jimenez
  • Steven Remsing
  • Hassan Soliman
  • Jonathan A Crockett
  • Colin Ashante
  • Gonzalo Sos
  • Peter Stevenson

YouTube Subscribers:

  • spreilly2

YouTube Comment:

  • COL647: Consent in 2022: Oan – “Jeff: “we can blame this all on the millennial.” Me: “what did I do?”
  • COL647: Consent in 2022: Berty Bertface – “You probably cover this in the show, but I believe the effect of social media on Gen Y and even worse still Gen Z, has not been a positive one. Consent or permission is absent from the younger generations. And they are having an impact in daily life. It’s the “Better to beg for forgiveness, than ask for permission” moto of Gen Z. Which is sooooo much fun, right up until you have kids, and they use it on you. Gen Z especially speak and act as though they are living permanently in a comment section, using terrible gramnar and appalling diction. They speak in an unfiltered manner, with such strong conviction that their opinion is the only one that should be heard. It’s not their fault however. Perhaps any generation that had (in certain circumstances) unrestricted access to incredible ammounts of information and disinformation all at once, in a easily digestible format, all at the touch of your fingers tips, would end up exactly the same? As well as the boldening of people’s opinions, many are far less tolerant, and far too sensitive than years past. P.C. (now wokeness) has gone haywire, and there is becoming less and less room for discourse. Internet pseudo science runs rampant in the minds of the young, who are armed only with opinions and feelings, whilst completely denying facts. Rant over, Soz.”
  • COL645: LTAS: Aging Adult Entertainers: Jonathan – “Hi guys. It’s terribly sad about Paul Reed Yinger a.k.a. Steve “Titpig” Hurley passing away as he was one of my favourite adult performers. A strong manly man who never disappointed onscreen. Like you, I often wonder about other performers who are no longer present onscreen and who I have this snapshot of in my brain but who haven’t performed in a long time now. I’m especially thinking about Will West and Ed Diamond, who specialised in bareback porn. There’s a hot scene with Titpig and Will West in a movie called Will West Raw. Then there’s Paul Morgan who did both gay and straight porn and was a prolific performer before vanishing. I guess I just want to know that these guys are out there, happy and healthy and when they leave the movie scene and aren’t heard of again, it’s almost impossible to know. Anyhow, great show and thanks for making mention of Mr. Yinger and raising the topic about ageing adult entertainers.” 
  • COL649: LOR: Red Flags, Green Flags: Oan – “Hey, so I had a question. I don’t know if Ed will ever read this but to the hosts, what would the social protocol be if you want to use the word “sir” in like a courtesy type manner while addressing a person who also happens to be in the bear (leather/bdsm/insert other category here) community?”

Twitter Followers: 

  • @MariusFizesan4
  • @jasonk1227
  • @KubbyJKev
  • @jeremycub
  • @pup_astrom 

Twitter Message:

  • “need some advice, my guy want to have a threesome. Not sure if I’m interested right now. how should I talk with him?”

Patreon Updates

  • BIG BEAR CUB HUGS to our Patrons! 
    • Cubsters: Charles W. 
    • Ubehrs: Dave T., Li, Michael Q, and Tim S.
    • plus our Buddies: Lloyd G., Michael V, and Zack B.

Recent Shows

  • COL646: WGO: April 2022
  • COL647: Consent in 2022
  • COL648: Voting in 2022
  • COL649: LoR: Red Flags, Green Flags

Shout Out

Obtw, previous guest Paul Lanner has an event coming up soon and would love to see you there. Visit HAH The Event.com for info for support and attending.

Also… remember when we had previous guest Joshua Pangborn from SideKick Productions on for the award winning series Skeleton Crew? Well they have a new project underway with their film “A Taste of Youth” where a fundraising campaign has been launched with Indiegogo. Consider supporting Queer Horror and Fat Positivity content by visiting A Taste of Youth.com to see how you can help make this horror feature happen.

Tweet Tweet:

https://twitter.com/truesluttyprude/status/1531334714862231552?s=20&t=2eh-TcGHorER90arVQnUrw

https://twitter.com/podchub/status/1529701975226519552

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COL649: LoR: Red Flags, Green Flags

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss the potential red, yellow and green flags in relationship and kink dynamics. While a potentially funny meme, these flags are no laughing matter. Listen in as the cubs unfurl some details and give some insight into looking out for the signals of a healthy (and unhealthy) relationship.

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Landscape of Relationships: Red Flags, Green Flags

What are Relationship Flags?

  • Relationship flags are indicators of healthy, unhealthy, and dangerous behaviors or feelings within relationships.  
  • They can be red, yellow, or green.  

Red Flags 

  • Controlling behaviors 
  • Violence 
  • Emotional and verbal abuse 
  • Intentional sabotage or hurting of feelings
  • Walking on eggshells 
  • Friends and family (support) are not trusting of your partner
  • Using things against you that were told in confidence
  • Usually can improve for short periods of time but abuse is usually cyclical 

 Yellow Flags 

  • All or nothing communication 
  • Pushes boundaries 
  • Codependency or enmeshment 
  • Difficulty with finding things in common 
  • Lack of similarities with goals and values 
  • These can be improved upon in meaningful ways 

Green Flags 

  • Healthy communication 
  • Respecting boundaries 
  • Interdependence 
  • Supportive of goals and values 
  • Knowing love languages
  • Awareness that no relationship is perfect 

Let’s Get Kinky 

Red Flags in Kink 

  • Expect you to immediately obey them and call them an honorific or title before agreed upon/Call you a title one honorific immediately before agreed upon
  • Don’t ask you about your hard or soft limits
  • Tell you what “real” or “true” submissive or a dominant does 
  • Separate you from friends and family or kinky friends 
  • Tell you that they have no limits and expect you to have no limits as well
  • Expect you, as the Dominant, to take full responsibility for their health and wellbeing, both physically and emotionally
  • Dismiss opinions 
  • Dictate how your dynamic will go 

Green Flags in Kink 

  • Want to get to know you on a deeper level, and have an interest in more than just your kinks and sexual preferences
  • They won’t do anything without your expressed consent, and will respect your stated boundaries and limits, as well as sharing their own
  • They’re interested in hearing about your journey in kink, as well as what turns you on and off, along with your opinions on how you’d like your dynamic to grow
  • They respect your existing friendships and relationships, even if they may not be directly introduced to the other important people in your life
  • They emphasize the importance of safety, consent, negotiation, and safe words in kinky dynamics
  • They take responsibility for their actions, understanding that you are not the cure for their problems

If you feel you are in a dangerous relationship situation.  Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

Resources 

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COL647: Consent in 2022

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys return to a previous topic. It’s been almost five years since they produced episodes on Consent and Respect. So here in 2022, a number of years later, it’s time to revisit this important conversation. Since the COVID-19 pandemic, it seems that people are living their most bold lives when it comes to opinions and actions. The US political landscape is looking divisive between the majority conservative and progressive parties. How much do the cubs think the practice of recognizing and giving consent plays a factor outside of kink and sexual activities? Have any of their thoughts changed in the years since the previous debate?

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Consent in 2022

Con·sent   /kənˈsent/

  • Noun
      • noun: consent; plural noun: consents
      • permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.
  • Verb
    • verb: consent; 3rd person present: consents; past tense: consented; past participle: consented; gerund or present participle: consenting
    • give permission for something to happen.
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