Tag Archives: LoR

Podcasts

COL730: LoR: Tolerance vs Acceptance

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke returns and this time we discuss tolerating versus accepting behaviors in our relationships. Do we let the annoying Aunt Ida in?

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Landscape of Relationships: Tolerance vs Acceptance

What is tolerance?

  • Tolerance is the state of “putting up with something without directly opposing it.”  It brings up ideas of enduring or allowing certain behaviors.  But it doesn’t mean embracing or supporting these behaviors or actions.
  • It’s a head thing

What is acceptance?

  • Acceptance is the state of opening yourself up completely to a situation, not how your mind sees it.  Acknowledging the reality of a situation without the need to change it or resist it.  Being open to differences and embracing them through love and compassion.
  • It’s a heart thing

Tolerance 

  • It involves the suppression of difficult emotions.  Can lead to feelings of resentment and anger due to lack of acceptance or understanding.

Acceptance 

  • This process can lead to feelings of love, compassion, and empathy.  The more that we feel connected to someone the deeper our understanding is.  

ACT with Love by Russ Harris [purchase on Amazon]

DRAIN

  • Disconnect
  • Reactivity
  • Avoidance
  • Inside your mind
  • Neglecting Values

LOVE

  • Letting go
  • Opening up
  • Values 
  • Engage 

“Annoying Aunt Ida”

  • Acknowledge 
  • Allow
  • Accommodate
  • Appreciate
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COL725: LoR: Adulting

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss how adulting is a part of our lives. From anxiety to accomplishments, it’s a discussion about how we move through avoiding responsibilities to the other side.

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Landscape of Relationships: Adulting

What is adulting? 

“The characteristic of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult; especially the accomplishments of mundane but necessary tasks.”

Avoidance

  • the action of keeping away from or not doing something. 

Experiential avoidance 

  • the unwillingness to remain in contact with aversive experiences such as painful feelings, thoughts, and emotions
  • the relief that comes after you don’t do something 
  • instead of doing things that i need to do, i end up playing videos on tiktok or playing little games, or a get distracted 

Workability 

  • the concept of how our reaction to our thoughts are helpful or unhelpful and moving us towards the person we want to be.  Less focus on whether our thoughts are right or not.  

Example 

EAC Therapy 2023 Business goals 

  • Moving completely independent, get credentialed with insurance companies, and get my Sex Therapy Certification 
  • I was unwilling to make room for the anxiety that came along with the thought of failure 
  • Not doing them was easier than doing them….and I ALWAYS had an excuse NOT to do them.

Bullet Journal method 

  • an analog productivity tool that is designed to help someone structure their tasks with rapid logging.  
  • Ryder Carrol designed this method to help get people into action faster 
  • separated into rapid logging, monthly logs, weekly logs, and then daily logs
  • think of it like a more structured to-do list

1-2-3-4 Method

  1. Quick and easy task
  2. Cleaning task 
  3. In-depth task 
  4. Something fun to you
  • Categorize your rapid log into the 1,2,3 or 4
  • Pick one thing from each category and do each of them until you are done….then repeat as much as your can until you are done for your day 
  • The science tells us that if you can do something quick and easy then you have the momentum into a cleaning task.  Then you are already up, might as well complete that big task you have been putting off.  Once you are done, you can watch the season finale of that show you have been watching.  

Dr. Edward’s suggestions:

  • Be kind to yourself, Be realistic, Be brave and you will be ready.  
  • Get an accountability partner 
  • “Of course, I don’t want to do this. It’s okay to feel scared about this.”
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COL717: LoR: Healing Our Queer Inner Child

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss the psychological concept of the inner child. Initiating from a conversation about Bluey (who knew?), the idea of finding connections to your inner child to heal from the potential harm caused by trauma comes to the forefront in this installment. Listen in as Ed leads the guys on ways to cope with and celebrate with their inner child to bring about healing and growth.

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Landscape of Relationships: Healing Our Queer Inner Child

Our Inner Child is a self-state part of us that is still experiencing and processing emotions, thoughts, and memories from that time but also is playful, spontaneous, and creative. Erik Erikson’s stages of development suggests that we have MULTIPLE inner children/adolescent/emerging adults within us.  

Inner Child is a common topic in therapy 

  • Writing letters to your childhood self
  • Engaging in playful, creative, and spontaneous behaviors 
  • Mindfulness or meditation 

Current topic re: Inner Child “Bluey”

Queer Authenticity 

“Queer people don’t grow up as themselves, we grow up playing  a version of ourselves that sacrifices authenticity to minimize humiliation and prejudice.  The massive task of our adult lives is to unpick which parts of ourselves that are truly us and which parts we created to protect us.” -Alexander Leon

How can we heal our queer inner child?

  • First, talk to a therapist
  • Start asking yourself what you needed growing up and do that
  • Edward’s Disney adventure
  • Music
  • Concerts
  • Playing games
  • Watching cartoons
  • ….get creative!
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COL710: LoR: Self-care

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss self-care. From taking time for your personal needs to finding your stress levels minimize while out with friends, listen as the guys analyze the ins and outs of self-care. But is providing self-care selfish? Find out as Dr. Ed helps the guys learn more about it.

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Landscape of Relationships: Self-care

What is self-care?

The National Institute in Mental Health says that “self-care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health. When it comes to your mental health, self-care can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness, and increase your energy. Even small acts of self-care in your daily life can have a big impact” (NIMH, December, 2022).

Examples of self-care 

  • Exercise 
  • Eating well and hydration 
  • Regular sleep 
  • Relaxing activity 
  • Goal setting (realistic goals, I mean)
  • Gratitude 
  • Practice acceptance and mindfulness 
  • Stay connected 

What isn’t here? 

  • Important question when it comes to self-care.  Am I practicing self-care or am I avoiding something?
  • Short term discomfort for long-term gain

What does it mean to practice self-care in relationships?

Differentiation of Self

  • One of the cornerstones of Bowen family systems theory, which states that families are an emotional system.  A person’s ability to manage the relationship between individualization and togetherness determines someone’s differentiation of self.  
  • Differentiated individuals are able to manage conflict without emotional reactivity, maintain their I-state, reach compromises; whereas, undifferentiated individuals tend to fuse with others or blend their emotional state with others, or their will exhibit emotional cutoff, which is where someone will manage their own emotional process by creating emotional and physical distance with someone.  

Social Self-care 

  • No person is an island and neither are you, ok?
  • Sometimes self-care is connecting with others and working on our relationships with others. 
  • Six Hours to a Better Relationship 

Final thoughts 

  • Reach healthy differentiation of self by identifying your own needs in conjunction with your relationship needs….AND recognize, accept, and validate the individual needs of the members of your relationships.  You will do yourself and everyone else a HUGE favor.  
  • “Self-care ain’t selfish” – Adoom 
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COL702: LoR: Sex After 50

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke is back to broach the topic of sex after 50. As one of the hosts is approaching this milestone, Ed addresses and discusses the potential changes to one’s sex drive as they cross that age. From sexual health to sexual desire, listen as the guys boil down what you need to be aware of as you cross over that hill.

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Landscape of Relationships: Sex After 50

Welcome to Your 50s!

Lots of people have healthy and active sexual lives at all stages of life. That being said, here are some aspects of your sexuality that MIGHT change.  

Sexual Health 

  • “The World Health Organization defines sexual health as a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence.”
  • Regular doctors visits; talk to your doctor about your sexual health; bring a list of questions/comments/concerns helps
  • Colonoscopy and prostate cancer screenings
  • Maintain activity levels 

Sexual Desire

  • We aren’t 16 anymore 
  • Medical conditions, lifestyle, mood, hormone levels, medication
  • Spontaneous vs responsive desire 
  • Possible adapt a sexual willingness mindframe

Erectile Dysfunction 

  • Age doesn’t cause ED, but natural aging and illness can impact sexual response
  • ED is a biopsychosocial phenomenon with biological, physical, psychological, behavioral, emotional, and cognitive factors AS WELL AS identity, relationally (interpersonal and socially),  and intimate factors.  
  • Erections are not required for ejaculations or orgasms
  • Talk to your provider.  Again, talk to your provider. 
  • Medication and treatment options

Communication

  • ”Adult sex is interpersonal” – McCarthy and Metz
  • Maintaining sexual intimacy is key; adapting a flexible sexual relationship 
  • Creating 

So remember, 

  • Your sexual experience MAY change as you gets older 

References

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