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Podcasts

COL695: LTA… The Blood Ban, Again

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Let’s Talk About… This time around, the guys return to a previous conversation regarding the FDA’s recent changes to the “blood ban”. Back during COVID, the ban for men who have sex with men was relaxed somewhat. Now, the ban has been changed again and broadens the ability for MSM to give blood. But are the changes for the better? Listen in as the cubs debate the new changes and discuss the potential benefits it may have for the community at large.

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LTA… The Blood Ban, Again

So the FDA made an announcement about changes to qualifying persons when it comes to donating blood. What exactly is the new deal? And does it benefit the LGBTQIA+ community?

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COL692: LoR: Sexual Scripts

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke is back as the guys turn the pages on sexual scripts. Follow line by line as Ed and the cubs break down what sexual scripts are, where they come from and what happens when you go “off book.” Editing, improv and flipping the script are not just for the stage anymore!

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Landscape of Relationships: Sexual Scripts

What are sexual scripts?

In 1986, researchers  William Simon and John H. Gagnon defined sexual scripts as the cultural and societally approved norms that a person accesses, agrees upon, and activates through a sexual socialization process.  These sexual scripts are specific to the culture a person is socialized in, which tell them what behaviors, thoughts, emotions are or are not acceptable.  People carry these scripts with them into sexual situations and they tell them how to respond.  Simon and Gagnon theorized that sexual scripts have three different categories, including socio-cultural, interpersonal, and intrapsychic:

Examples of cultural sexual scripts:

  • Dating culture 
  • Premarital sex 
  • Monogamy 
  • Dominance and submission
  • Heteronormative 
  • What else?

Examples of interpersonal sexual scripts:

  • Flirting/sexual negotiation
  • Consent/sexual assault 
  • Top/Bottom
  • What else?

Examples of intrapsychic sexual scripts:

  • Turn ons
  • Fantasy
  • Kinks and fetishes
  • Pleasure
  • Sexual Desire 
  • What else?

Quote from Simon & Gagnon (1986)

In the most pragmatic sense, sexual scripts must solve two problems. The first of these is gaining permission from the self to engage in desired forms of sexual behavior. The second problem is that of access to the experiences that the desired behavior is expected to generate.

What happens when we go off script or improvising?

  • Rejection
  • Non-monogamy/Poly
  • Ace/Aro
  • Relationship anarchy 
  • Sides 
  • Sexual dysfunctions
  • Mental health/Trauma 
  • What else?

What do we do when we are off-script?

Good rules of improv? 

  • Yes, and….
  • Boundaries 
  • Acknowledge
  • Allow
  • Accommodate
  • Appreciate and….
  • Communicate!  (especially your boundaries)

 

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COL688: LoR: Sexual Desire

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss sexual desire. While not a usual LoR topic, it can be part of the conversation. Listen as Ed speaks on the complicated definition of sexual desire, where it comes from, and what impacts it in our day-to-day lives.

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Landscape of Relationships: Sexual Desire

First, sexual desire is complicated. 

  • Is it an emotion? Yes
  • Is it a motivation? Yes
  • Is it a state of being? Yes
  • Is it required to have sex? Not necessarily

Sexual desire is the interest (or lack of interest) toward engaging in sexual activity.  This presents itself with thoughts, feelings, and fantasies.   Some people look at sexual desire existing on a spectrum from disgust to neutral to excited.

One way I have heard sexual desire described is akin to hunger.  And I like this analogy for a few reasons that we will discuss.  

Let’s go back to the idea of a smorgasbord….let’s imagine that there is not a Golden Corral that can hold the variety of sexual desire (Rule 34 of the Internet).  So when we talk about sexual desire, the limit does not seem to exist.  

What impacts sexual desire?

  • Biology/Evolution
    • Age can be a factor, Propagation of the species (sex as a reward); amygdala (emotional center) and hypothalamus (responsible for sexual arousal) Men’s desire is more based on visual cues when compared to women, cued interest “we don’t know why we desire something” v. uncued interest “has an origin story”; the “absolute territory” (Japanese zettai ryouiki), the band of skin between the bottom of the end of the skirt and the top of the socks.  Disclaimer: this is based on statistics and not all human behavior can be reduced to statistics.  If this isn’t your experience, it does not mean you are not valid.  
  • Medical
    • Low testosterone, heart disease, Cancer, physical pain, psychotropic medications
  • Relational
    • Relationship conflict, and sexual scripts 
  • Intergenerational
    • Abuse and religiosity and culture 
  • Psychological
    • Anxiety, Unhelpful body/sexual narratives, other sexual disorders
  • Social
    • Cultural sexual narratives and scripts 

“For most of Western Civilization low sexual desire has been a goal, not a problem.” – David Schnarch 

  • In a sex negative world, no wonder people are so confused about their sexual desires or lack thereof.  Remember the sexual smorgasbord idea?  If dominating cultural narratives created the smorgasbord, then there would only be a few options for a few people….the rest would be closed.

Resources:

 

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COL680: LoR: Parasocial Interactions

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. The cubs are once again joined by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke for this insightful look into one-sided parasocial interactions. From celebrities to social media influencers, learn how these types of relationships are formed without the others’ knowledge and also the positive and negative impacts they can have on the person creating it. Please like, comment and subscribe to learn more.

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Landscape of Relationships: Parasocial Interactions

Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships where one person invests lots of time, energy, interest, and sometimes money where the other person is completely unaware of the other person’s existence.  Parasocial relationships are most common with celebrities, organizations, television stars, and social media.  These relationships are created through parasocial interactions (PSI) through mediated encounters with performers through mass media.

Social media offers an added layer of interaction for these relationships to intensify through likes, comments, and direct messaging.  

Alief – def. knowing something isn’t real but feeling like it is

Positive Outcomes of Parasocial Relationships

*Identity Formation 

  • performers can offer autonomy in relationships where they can receive total acceptance outside of parents/family.  
  • provide a secure relationship without the fear of rejection.
  • feeling a part of a group 
  • empathy

*Learning

  • Bandura’s Social Learning Theory says that social behavior is learning and imitating the behaviors of others. 
  • Shows like Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, Sesame Street, Dora the Explorer, Blue’s Clues, and more recently Bluey all offer kids opportunities to learn through identification with these characters.  

Negative Outcomes of Parasocial Relationships 

*Body Image 

  • research has indicated a negative relationship between parasocial relationships and body image, as well as self-comparison, social comparison with characters increases negative body image 
  • interestingly among men, having a PSR with a superhero is likely to protect body image, where not having a PSR with a superhero is likely to hurt body image 
  • the usage of filters in social media (like airbrushing in print media) has greatly increased, giving a false reality of performers.

*Aggression 

  • more aggressive viewers were more likely to identify with aggressive characters and create PSR with them. 

*General 

  • anxiety media views are more likely to be more invested in parasocial relationships 
  • parasocial relationships are one-sided and different traditional friendships
  • the whole hegemonic masculinity thing
  • parasocial breakups and grief “what happens when they ‘betray’ you or they die?” Research indicated this follows the patterns of a relationship breakup
  • can create bias in reality 

Topics of PSR

  • Taylor Swift “Swifties”, Lizzo “Lizzbeans”
  • Twitter/Only Fans
  • Reality TV Stars 
  • Vloggers/Podcast hosts 
  • Fictional Characters 
  • Tiktok 
  • Politicians

Be mindful of the media you are consuming and how that translates into your other relationships and the real world.

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COL669: LoR: Relationship Anarchy

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Damon is away this week celebrating his birthday, but have no fear dear listeners – because Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke has returned! From scripts to relationship values, the guys discuss determining what each of us wants and needs.

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Landscape of Relationships: Relationship Anarchy

Landscape of Relationships is back with Dr. Angelini-Cooke to discuss the topic of Relationship Anarchy. Who doesn’t love disorder in their connections with others? Perhaps that isn’t what it means. Let’s learn together!

Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy post 

The term Relationship anarchist (also commonly called RA) was coined by Ardie Nordgren. Nordgren created the Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy in 2006. The Manifesto is a quick and easy read consisting of 9 principles of RA: 

  1. Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique
  2. Love and respect instead of entitlement 
  3. Find your core set of relationship values
  4. Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don’t let fear lead you
  5. Build for the lovely unexpected
  6. Fake it til’ you make it
  7. Trust is better
  8. Change through communication
  9. Customize your commitments

“Relationship anarchy is a way of approaching relationships that rejects any rules and expectations other than the ones the involved people agree on. This approach ‘encourages people to let their core values guide how they choose and craft their relationship commitments rather than relying on social norms to dictate what is right for you,” Dedeker Winston, co-host of the Multiamory podcast

Relationship Anarchists is different and distinctive from polyamory and consensual non-monogamy because while a majority of RA practitioners may be poly and/or CNM, you can be monogamous and still practice RA.  

Choose your own adventure relationships. “Designer Relationships” by Mark A. Michaels

This is in line with our last LOR topic of amatonormativity. Many ace and aro individuals are using RA as a way to navigate their relationships and future relationships, because RA can apply to any and all types of relationships, not just romantic or sexual. There is no hierarchy.

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