Tag Archives: interpersonal

COL692: LoR: Sexual Scripts

April 25, 2023 boxtech Leave a comment

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke is back as the guys turn the pages on sexual scripts. Follow line by line as Ed and the cubs break down what sexual scripts are, where they come from and what happens when you go “off book.” Editing, improv and flipping the script are not just for the stage anymore!

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Landscape of Relationships: Sexual Scripts

What are sexual scripts?

In 1986, researchers William Simon and John H. Gagnon defined sexual scripts as the cultural and societally approved norms that a person accesses, agrees upon, and activates through a sexual socialization process. These sexual scripts are specific to the culture a person is socialized in, which tell them what behaviors, thoughts, emotions are or are not acceptable. People carry these scripts with them into sexual situations and they tell them how to respond. Simon and Gagnon theorized that sexual scripts have three different categories, including socio-cultural, interpersonal, and intrapsychic:

Examples of cultural sexual scripts:

Dating culture
Premarital sex
Monogamy
Dominance and submission
Heteronormative
What else?

Examples of interpersonal sexual scripts:

Flirting/sexual negotiation
Consent/sexual assault
Top/Bottom
What else?

Examples of intrapsychic sexual scripts:

Turn ons
Fantasy
Kinks and fetishes
Pleasure
Sexual Desire
What else?

Quote from Simon & Gagnon (1986)

In the most pragmatic sense, sexual scripts must solve two problems. The first of these is gaining permission from the self to engage in desired forms of sexual behavior. The second problem is that of access to the experiences that the desired behavior is expected to generate.

What happens when we go off script or improvising?

Rejection
Non-monogamy/Poly
Ace/Aro
Relationship anarchy
Sides
Sexual dysfunctions
Mental health/Trauma
What else?

What do we do when we are off-script?

Good rules of improv?

Yes, and….
Boundaries
Acknowledge
Allow
Accommodate
Appreciate and….
Communicate! (especially your boundaries)

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COL673: LoR: Smörgåsbord

November 29, 2022 boxtech Leave a comment

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. For this one, it’s time to belly up to the table as Dr. Ed scoops up a heaping helping of the smorgasbord relationship dynamic. Chow down with the cubs as they sink their teeth into this idea of understanding relationship anarchy. As the guys get to the meat of this topic, will you keep asking for seconds or will you be full up?

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Landscape of Relationships: Smörgåsbord

Landscape of Relationships is back with Dr. Angelini-Cooke to discuss the yummy idea of a Smörgåsbord. Belly up and get ready to sink your teeth into some tasty discussion.

Last month we discussed relationship anarchy, a relationship philosophy developed by Andie Nordgren, that suggests that relationships shouldn’t be bound by any rules not agreed upon by the involved parties.

The relationship anarchy Smorgasbord finds its origins in December 2016 by Lyrica Lawrence and Heather Orr in Vancouver polyamory. This was updated by Maxx Hill in April and September of 2018. The fifth version was created in January 2019.

“This board includes a number of concepts antithetical to many understandings of RA. Not all who use this are Relationship Anarchists, and those who are may need to discuss how their relational style differs from cultural norms.

The categories are loose generalizations to help conversation, and are arranged with those relating to the larger social/political systems toward the outside, and the more personal toward the center.

To form your relationships: you and another can pick any number of “items” from any number of “platters,” take a huge helping or just a scoop. The dish the two of you hold is your relationship. Remember you must agree together on what is in it! No sneaking items in without the other knowing, or there will likely be conflict or disappointment later. Also: it’s your dish, so if you decide to change what you want from the smörgåsbord later, that’s cool.”

Categories: Physical Intimacy, Kink, Emotional Intimacy, Power Exchange, Partnership, Sexual, Romanctic Collaborative, Professional/Work, Creative, Co-caregivers, Companionship Playfulness, Public Displays of Affection, Emotional Support, Communication, Financial, Legal, Power/Hierarchy, Exclusivity, Caregiving, Religious/Spirituality, Labels/terms, Systems of Oppression (within each of these categories are related items).

“Suggested Notations:

Yes, Maybe, Maybe in the Future, and Let’s Talk, Definitely No. Color-coding and highlighting is fun too.”

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COL598: Landscape of Relationships: Trust Part Two

April 20, 2021 boxtech Leave a comment

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. This time the guys discuss trust. For this second part, the guys continue their break down of the anatomy of trust. Listen in as the cubs open their vaults and get courageous in the face of judgment. As integral parts of the anatomy, the guys further discuss vulnerability and how it is important to trust with others and themselves.