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COL661: LoR: Queer Platonic Relationships

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss QPRs or Queer Platonic Relationships. QPRs are intimate relationships that are neither romantic nor sexual in nature. Listen in as Ed builds up the fundamentals of this different relationship dynamic and its origins and brings it up to date for modern audiences.

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Landscape of Relationships: Queer Platonic Relationships

Landscape of Relationships returns. Queer platonic relationships are our focus this month when it comes to relationships. QPRs are committed intimate relationships which are neither romantic nor sexual in nature and that differ from close friendship by having the same structure and status as a romantic relationship. The concept originates in aromantic and asexual spaces in the LGBT community. The term has begun to also be used in polyamorous communities to help describe the complex relationships.  The term “queers” social norms for defining relationships, it isn’t a friendship nor is it a romantic relationship.

Asexual (Ace)

  • “Sexual orientation where a person experiences little to no sexual attraction to anyone and/or does not experience desire for sexual contact” (aceandaros.com, 2021)

Aromantic (Aro)

  • “Romantic orientation, which describes people whose experience of romance is disconnected from normative societal expectations, commonly due to experiencing little to no romantic attraction, but also due to feeling repulsed by romance, or being uninterested in romantic relationships.” (AUREA FAQ on Aromanticism.org, 2021).  

Allosexual 

  • “Describes people who are not on the asexual spectrum. They can have any romantic orientation, including aromantic” (TAAAP.org, 2021).  

Alloromantic

  • “Described people who are not on the aromantic spectrum. They have any sexual orientation, including asexual” (TAAAP.org, 2001).

Historically speaking , QPR has been described as an “ancient practice made new again”. 

  • Boston Marriages – A Boston marriage was one in which two independent women chose to build a life and a household together, rather than marrying. 
  • Romantic Friendships – Close but often times non-sexual relationship. Used primarily in historical contexts (e.g. Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens; Abraham Lincoln and Joshua Speed).

Zucchini 

  • Term of endearment used to describe a queerplatonic partner.  
  • Also, “squish” has been used to describe a non-romantic crush.

Amatonormativity (Elizabeth Brake)

  • The idea that everyone needs to be in a romantic relationship 
  • Hallmark movies 
  • Laws surrounding marriage 
  • Chosen families 

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COL649: LoR: Red Flags, Green Flags

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss the potential red, yellow and green flags in relationship and kink dynamics. While a potentially funny meme, these flags are no laughing matter. Listen in as the cubs unfurl some details and give some insight into looking out for the signals of a healthy (and unhealthy) relationship.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Red Flags, Green Flags

What are Relationship Flags?

  • Relationship flags are indicators of healthy, unhealthy, and dangerous behaviors or feelings within relationships.  
  • They can be red, yellow, or green.  

Red Flags 

  • Controlling behaviors 
  • Violence 
  • Emotional and verbal abuse 
  • Intentional sabotage or hurting of feelings
  • Walking on eggshells 
  • Friends and family (support) are not trusting of your partner
  • Using things against you that were told in confidence
  • Usually can improve for short periods of time but abuse is usually cyclical 

 Yellow Flags 

  • All or nothing communication 
  • Pushes boundaries 
  • Codependency or enmeshment 
  • Difficulty with finding things in common 
  • Lack of similarities with goals and values 
  • These can be improved upon in meaningful ways 

Green Flags 

  • Healthy communication 
  • Respecting boundaries 
  • Interdependence 
  • Supportive of goals and values 
  • Knowing love languages
  • Awareness that no relationship is perfect 

Let’s Get Kinky 

Red Flags in Kink 

  • Expect you to immediately obey them and call them an honorific or title before agreed upon/Call you a title one honorific immediately before agreed upon
  • Don’t ask you about your hard or soft limits
  • Tell you what “real” or “true” submissive or a dominant does 
  • Separate you from friends and family or kinky friends 
  • Tell you that they have no limits and expect you to have no limits as well
  • Expect you, as the Dominant, to take full responsibility for their health and wellbeing, both physically and emotionally
  • Dismiss opinions 
  • Dictate how your dynamic will go 

Green Flags in Kink 

  • Want to get to know you on a deeper level, and have an interest in more than just your kinks and sexual preferences
  • They won’t do anything without your expressed consent, and will respect your stated boundaries and limits, as well as sharing their own
  • They’re interested in hearing about your journey in kink, as well as what turns you on and off, along with your opinions on how you’d like your dynamic to grow
  • They respect your existing friendships and relationships, even if they may not be directly introduced to the other important people in your life
  • They emphasize the importance of safety, consent, negotiation, and safe words in kinky dynamics
  • They take responsibility for their actions, understanding that you are not the cure for their problems

If you feel you are in a dangerous relationship situation.  Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

Resources 

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