Tag Archives: musical

Podcasts

COL710: LoR: Self-care

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss self-care. From taking time for your personal needs to finding your stress levels minimize while out with friends, listen as the guys analyze the ins and outs of self-care. But is providing self-care selfish? Find out as Dr. Ed helps the guys learn more about it.

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Landscape of Relationships: Self-care

What is self-care?

The National Institute in Mental Health says that “self-care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health. When it comes to your mental health, self-care can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness, and increase your energy. Even small acts of self-care in your daily life can have a big impact” (NIMH, December, 2022).

Examples of self-care 

  • Exercise 
  • Eating well and hydration 
  • Regular sleep 
  • Relaxing activity 
  • Goal setting (realistic goals, I mean)
  • Gratitude 
  • Practice acceptance and mindfulness 
  • Stay connected 

What isn’t here? 

  • Important question when it comes to self-care.  Am I practicing self-care or am I avoiding something?
  • Short term discomfort for long-term gain

What does it mean to practice self-care in relationships?

Differentiation of Self

  • One of the cornerstones of Bowen family systems theory, which states that families are an emotional system.  A person’s ability to manage the relationship between individualization and togetherness determines someone’s differentiation of self.  
  • Differentiated individuals are able to manage conflict without emotional reactivity, maintain their I-state, reach compromises; whereas, undifferentiated individuals tend to fuse with others or blend their emotional state with others, or their will exhibit emotional cutoff, which is where someone will manage their own emotional process by creating emotional and physical distance with someone.  

Social Self-care 

  • No person is an island and neither are you, ok?
  • Sometimes self-care is connecting with others and working on our relationships with others. 
  • Six Hours to a Better Relationship 

Final thoughts 

  • Reach healthy differentiation of self by identifying your own needs in conjunction with your relationship needs….AND recognize, accept, and validate the individual needs of the members of your relationships.  You will do yourself and everyone else a HUGE favor.  
  • “Self-care ain’t selfish” – Adoom 
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Podcasts

COL673: LoR: Smörgåsbord

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. For this one, it’s time to belly up to the table as Dr. Ed scoops up a heaping helping of the smorgasbord relationship dynamic. Chow down with the cubs as they sink their teeth into this idea of understanding relationship anarchy. As the guys get to the meat of this topic, will you keep asking for seconds or will you be full up?

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Landscape of Relationships: Smörgåsbord

Landscape of Relationships is back with Dr. Angelini-Cooke to discuss the yummy idea of a Smörgåsbord. Belly up and get ready to sink your teeth into some tasty discussion.

Last month we discussed relationship anarchy, a relationship philosophy developed by Andie Nordgren, that suggests that relationships shouldn’t be bound by any rules not agreed upon by the involved parties.  

The relationship anarchy Smorgasbord finds its origins in December 2016 by Lyrica Lawrence and Heather Orr in Vancouver polyamory.  This was updated by Maxx Hill in April and September of 2018.  The fifth version was created in January 2019.  

“This board includes a number of concepts antithetical to many understandings of RA. Not all who use this are Relationship Anarchists, and those who are may need to discuss how their relational style differs from cultural norms.

The categories are loose generalizations to help conversation, and are arranged with those relating to the larger social/political systems toward the outside, and the more personal toward the center.

To form your relationships: you and another can pick any number of “items” from any number of “platters,” take a huge helping or just a scoop. The dish the two of you hold is your relationship. Remember you must agree together on what is in it! No sneaking items in without the other knowing, or there will likely be conflict or disappointment later. Also: it’s your dish, so if you decide to change what you want from the smörgåsbord later, that’s cool.”

Categories: Physical Intimacy, Kink, Emotional Intimacy, Power Exchange, Partnership, Sexual, Romanctic Collaborative, Professional/Work, Creative, Co-caregivers, Companionship Playfulness, Public Displays of Affection, Emotional Support, Communication, Financial, Legal, Power/Hierarchy, Exclusivity, Caregiving, Religious/Spirituality, Labels/terms, Systems of Oppression (within each of these categories are related items).  

“Suggested Notations:

Yes, Maybe, Maybe in the Future, and Let’s Talk, Definitely No.  Color-coding and highlighting is fun too.”



 

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Podcasts

COLDR: S14E04: Snatch Game, An Extra Special Episode, Moulin Ru: The Rusical

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In this episode of COL Drag Race ‘T-Time’, Gary and Damon discuss the next three episodes of the never-ending 14th season of RPDR. From an abysmal snatch game to a musical awakening, the guys watch the queens give it their best can-can do as they continue to lip sync for their lives again and again. But when will this season end? With there STILL being 7 queens remaining in the competition, how much longer is it gonna take to get to the finale? Put the car on cruise control and coast along as the guys check the roadmap to the checkered flag.

WEEKLY TOPIC

RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 14

Put the Pedal to the Metal:

  • [Damon] – How many episodes is this season gonna have?!?
  • [Gary] – Talk about stretching it out…

Snaps & Eyerolls:

  • [Damon] – Snaps for… The best read EVAH!
  • [Gary] – Snaps for… Best cast cohesion?
  • [Damon] – Eyerolls for… Cerebral Snatch Game 
  • [Gary] – Eyerolls for… Production Shenanigans
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COL632: LoR: Goals & Accountability

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this episode, the guys come together in the new year to discuss goals and accountability. As many begin each year making new year’s resolutions that they often never keep,  listen in as Ed and the cubs break down the reasons why this may be a regular occurrence. From creating your goal roadmap to making yourself accountable for the roads you take, listen in as the guys give yet another perspective on the wandering journey of relationship building.

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Landscape of Relationships: Goals & Accountability

New Years resolutions

The Hobbit and LOTR “The Road Goes Ever On”

The Road goes ever on and on,

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet.

And whither then? I cannot say.

  • Gotta know what “The Road” or our values are.  

Values List 

Four Domains 

  • Work/Education 
  • Relationships
  • Leisure 
  • Personal Health and Wellness 

Translating Values into Goals – “Be a mapmaker”

  • Chose three guiding values 
  • SMART goals (Specific, Meaningful, Adaptive, Realistic, Timely)
  • Immediate (24 hours), Short Term, Medium-Term goals, Long-Term goals
  • Living Goals vs Dead Person Goals
  • Make sure you are heading in the right direction.  Ex. downhill skiing
  • Expected barriers 

Accountability 

  • We are ultimately responsible for our actions 
  • We get to be accountable to the goals we set for ourselves and the map that we make.
  • Feelings, situations, emotions, urges, memories are going to happen.  Make sure you have the needed resources.
  • Be mindful of avoidance and unhelpful sticky thought patterns
  • Be willing to address unhelpful patterns
  • Remember: you can always change your course, but at what and whose expense?  Honor your values and your commitments 
  • Let someone know your goals and work towards shared accountability.
  • Feeling guilty?  Good. You have values. 
  • Remember, not all those who wander are lost. Keep going.  
  • Progress is not always a straight line.  

 

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Drag Race

COLDR: S13E08: Social Media: The Unverified Rusical

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In this episode of COL Drag Race ‘T-Time’, Gary and Damon get musical!! As the queens dance and sing their way through Social Media the Rusical! From parodied apps to yellow dress up, listen as the guys critique the queens’ performances and runway walks. Which gurl takes the leading role and who ends up praying for an 11th hour miracle?

WEEKLY TOPIC

RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 13

Put the Pedal to the Metal:

Overall Thoughts

  • [Damon] – WTFIGOHOTD?!?
  • [Gary] – Everyone is Their Own Worst Enemy

Stomp the Runway:

Category/Theme – Yellow Gorgeous

  • [Damon] – Thank God for No Raincoats 
  • [Gary] – OLIVIA SLAYED BUT DIDN’T WIN?!?!?

Snaps & Eyerolls:

What was a high point and low point for you

  • [Damon] – Snaps for… Miss Anne Hathaway!
  • [Gary] – Snaps for… Utica eeking out over the ‘A Team’
  • [Damon] – Eyerolls for… The 3 “Tops”/ Double Save?
  • [Gary] – Eyerolls for… Tops Being Told Their Bottoms
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