designer relationships | Cubs Out Loud – The Bear Podcast of Indeterminate Length

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Relationship Anarchy

Landscape of Relationships is back with Dr. Angelini-Cooke to discuss the topic of Relationship Anarchy. Who doesn’t love disorder in their connections with others? Perhaps that isn’t what it means. Let’s learn together!

The term Relationship anarchist (also commonly called RA) was coined by Ardie Nordgren. Nordgren created the Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy in 2006. The Manifesto is a quick and easy read consisting of 9 principles of RA:

Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique

Love and respect instead of entitlement

Find your core set of relationship values

Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don’t let fear lead you

Build for the lovely unexpected

Fake it til’ you make it

Trust is better

Change through communication

Customize your commitments

“Relationship anarchy is a way of approaching relationships that rejects any rules and expectations other than the ones the involved people agree on. This approach ‘encourages people to let their core values guide how they choose and craft their relationship commitments rather than relying on social norms to dictate what is right for you,” Dedeker Winston, co-host of the Multiamory podcast

Relationship Anarchists is different and distinctive from polyamory and consensual non-monogamy because while a majority of RA practitioners may be poly and/or CNM, you can be monogamous and still practice RA.

This is in line with our last LOR topic of amatonormativity. Many ace and aro individuals are using RA as a way to navigate their relationships and future relationships, because RA can apply to any and all types of relationships, not just romantic or sexual. There is no hierarchy.

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined by previous guest Edward Angelini-Cooke for an in depth discussion on relationships. Based on some of Edward’s research for his doctoral dissertation, the cubs breakdown some of the various dynamics in the vast landscape of relationships. From monogamy to polycules, listen as the cubs give some insight to the “It’s Complicated” relationship statuses and more.

Show Topic

The Landscape of Relationships

- Relationship Anarchy – belief that relationships should not be bound by rules aside from what the people involved mutually agree upon
- Closed Relationships – relationships that limits sexual and romantic to strictly the parties involved in the relationship
  - Monogamy – a two-person relationship in which an individual has only one partner during their lifetime—alternately, only one partner at any one time (Serial Monogamy)
    - Infidelity – violation of a couple’s assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and/or sexual exclusivity (synonyms include: cheating, straying, adultery (when married), being unfaithful, or having an affair)
  - Polyfidelity – a relationship structure where all members are considered equal partners and agree to restrict sexual activity to only other members of the group [considered both closed and open at the same time]
- Open Relationships – a relationship that is non-monogamous; generally indicates a relationship where there is a primary relationship between two partners, who agree to at least the possibility of other people
  - Monogamish – In a July 20, 2011 column, Dan Savage coined the term, applying it to his own relationship with his partner; describing couples who are “mostly” but not 100% monogamous; such couples have an understanding that allows for some amount of sexual activity outside the relationship
  - Poly
    - Polyamory – the practice of, or desire for, relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved; described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy”
    - Polygamy – the practice of marrying multiple spouses
      - Polygyny – most common/accepted form of polygamy; marriage of a man with several women
      - Polyandry – marriage in which a woman takes two or more husbands at the same time
- Bigamy – In cultures where monogamy is mandated, bigamy is the act of entering into a marriage with one person while still legally married to another
  - Swinging – [sometimes called wife swapping, husband swapping, or partner swapping] sexual activity in which both singles and partners in a committed relationship engage in such activities with others as a recreational or social activity