In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another All T No Shade episode. For this episode, the guys brew up some tea on Pride. As it is Pride Month in the United States, listen in as the cubs open up about their experiences with Prides past and discuss what it means to be Prideful today. From corporations chasing after the gay dollar to over safety and security, the guys get candid about the changing landscape of Pride.
Show Topic
All T, No Shade: Pride in 2022
It’s pride month here in the US and more than ever, social media is lit up with opinions and historical reminders. We discuss the change in the landscape of pride from where we first experienced it in our lives compared to now in our 40s.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss the potential red, yellow and green flags in relationship and kink dynamics. While a potentially funny meme, these flags are no laughing matter. Listen in as the cubs unfurl some details and give some insight into looking out for the signals of a healthy (and unhealthy) relationship.
Show Topic
Landscape of Relationships: Red Flags, Green Flags
What are Relationship Flags?
Relationship flags are indicators of healthy, unhealthy, and dangerous behaviors or feelings within relationships.
They can be red, yellow, or green.
Red Flags
Controlling behaviors
Violence
Emotional and verbal abuse
Intentional sabotage or hurting of feelings
Walking on eggshells
Friends and family (support) are not trusting of your partner
Using things against you that were told in confidence
Usually can improve for short periods of time but abuse is usually cyclical
Yellow Flags
All or nothing communication
Pushes boundaries
Codependency or enmeshment
Difficulty with finding things in common
Lack of similarities with goals and values
These can be improved upon in meaningful ways
Green Flags
Healthy communication
Respecting boundaries
Interdependence
Supportive of goals and values
Knowing love languages
Awareness that no relationship is perfect
Let’s Get Kinky
Red Flags in Kink
Expect you to immediately obey them and call them an honorific or title before agreed upon/Call you a title one honorific immediately before agreed upon
Don’t ask you about your hard or soft limits
Tell you what “real” or “true” submissive or a dominant does
Separate you from friends and family or kinky friends
Tell you that they have no limits and expect you to have no limits as well
Expect you, as the Dominant, to take full responsibility for their health and wellbeing, both physically and emotionally
Dismiss opinions
Dictate how your dynamic will go
Green Flags in Kink
Want to get to know you on a deeper level, and have an interest in more than just your kinks and sexual preferences
They won’t do anything without your expressed consent, and will respect your stated boundaries and limits, as well as sharing their own
They’re interested in hearing about your journey in kink, as well as what turns you on and off, along with your opinions on how you’d like your dynamic to grow
They respect your existing friendships and relationships, even if they may not be directly introduced to the other important people in your life
They emphasize the importance of safety, consent, negotiation, and safe words in kinky dynamics
They take responsibility for their actions, understanding that you are not the cure for their problems
If you feel you are in a dangerous relationship situation. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this episode, the cubs take a ride on the struggle bus. Discussing conflict and conflict resolution, listen and learn along with the guys as they reveal the common pitfalls and potential solutions to this common problem.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke for an in depth discussion on relationships. For this second part, the guys delve into boundaries and rules. With Edward’s help, the cubs discuss the similarities and differences between these two terms, how they relate to each person and those involved in the relationship, and also discord on the potential minefield of expectations. How do we set our boundaries? Are expectations a good or a bad thing? What’s on your relationship checklist? The guys hash out these questions and more.
Show Topic
The Landscape of Relationships – Boundaries and Rules
Boundaries (“I Will/I Won’t”) v. Rules/Agreements/Expectations (“You/We Won’t”)
debated topic within relationship communities
Is this a rule or a boundary?
Boundary as skin metaphor (protects us from bacteria, allows the good stuff in and sweats the bad stuff out, elastic with limitations [you can break skin], boundaries are about me
Rules are about us and you, jealousy, usually some form of control
Pros and Cons of Rules
Pros:
Contracts
Establishing or Re-establishing solid foundation of connection and intimacy
Conditional…not unilateral or controlling
Spoken
Cons:
Can be Controlling
Can be rigid and unhealthy
Can be Set up to be broken
Unspoken
Agreements are similar to the idea of a relationship contract or vows
Expectations are resentments waiting to happen
Kinds of Personal Boundaries
Emotional
Example: Don’t go to the hardware store for bread
Physical
Examples: allergies, personal bubble, DON’T COME INTO MY ROOM, MOM!!!!
Time
Examples: don’t make plans within 24 hours, I have office hours on Tuesdays
Sexual
Examples: Consent, Refer to checklist
Intellectual
Examples: Agree to disagree, awareness of who and what you are talking about
Material
Examples: Don’t lend out money, I need that sling back by Friday etc
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another All T No Shade episode. For this episode, the guys brew up some tea on Pride. As it is Pride Month in the United States, listen in as the cubs open up about their experiences with Prides past and discuss what it means to be Prideful today. From corporations chasing after the gay dollar to over safety and security, the guys get candid about the changing landscape of Pride.
