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COL661: LoR: Queer Platonic Relationships

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss QPRs or Queer Platonic Relationships. QPRs are intimate relationships that are neither romantic nor sexual in nature. Listen in as Ed builds up the fundamentals of this different relationship dynamic and its origins and brings it up to date for modern audiences.

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Landscape of Relationships: Queer Platonic Relationships

Landscape of Relationships returns. Queer platonic relationships are our focus this month when it comes to relationships. QPRs are committed intimate relationships which are neither romantic nor sexual in nature and that differ from close friendship by having the same structure and status as a romantic relationship. The concept originates in aromantic and asexual spaces in the LGBT community. The term has begun to also be used in polyamorous communities to help describe the complex relationships.  The term “queers” social norms for defining relationships, it isn’t a friendship nor is it a romantic relationship.

Asexual (Ace)

  • “Sexual orientation where a person experiences little to no sexual attraction to anyone and/or does not experience desire for sexual contact” (aceandaros.com, 2021)

Aromantic (Aro)

  • “Romantic orientation, which describes people whose experience of romance is disconnected from normative societal expectations, commonly due to experiencing little to no romantic attraction, but also due to feeling repulsed by romance, or being uninterested in romantic relationships.” (AUREA FAQ on Aromanticism.org, 2021).  

Allosexual 

  • “Describes people who are not on the asexual spectrum. They can have any romantic orientation, including aromantic” (TAAAP.org, 2021).  

Alloromantic

  • “Described people who are not on the aromantic spectrum. They have any sexual orientation, including asexual” (TAAAP.org, 2001).

Historically speaking , QPR has been described as an “ancient practice made new again”. 

  • Boston Marriages – A Boston marriage was one in which two independent women chose to build a life and a household together, rather than marrying. 
  • Romantic Friendships – Close but often times non-sexual relationship. Used primarily in historical contexts (e.g. Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens; Abraham Lincoln and Joshua Speed).

Zucchini 

  • Term of endearment used to describe a queerplatonic partner.  
  • Also, “squish” has been used to describe a non-romantic crush.

Amatonormativity (Elizabeth Brake)

  • The idea that everyone needs to be in a romantic relationship 
  • Hallmark movies 
  • Laws surrounding marriage 
  • Chosen families 

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COL632: LoR: Goals & Accountability

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this episode, the guys come together in the new year to discuss goals and accountability. As many begin each year making new year’s resolutions that they often never keep,  listen in as Ed and the cubs break down the reasons why this may be a regular occurrence. From creating your goal roadmap to making yourself accountable for the roads you take, listen in as the guys give yet another perspective on the wandering journey of relationship building.

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Landscape of Relationships: Goals & Accountability

New Years resolutions

The Hobbit and LOTR “The Road Goes Ever On”

The Road goes ever on and on,

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet.

And whither then? I cannot say.

  • Gotta know what “The Road” or our values are.  

Values List 

Four Domains 

  • Work/Education 
  • Relationships
  • Leisure 
  • Personal Health and Wellness 

Translating Values into Goals – “Be a mapmaker”

  • Chose three guiding values 
  • SMART goals (Specific, Meaningful, Adaptive, Realistic, Timely)
  • Immediate (24 hours), Short Term, Medium-Term goals, Long-Term goals
  • Living Goals vs Dead Person Goals
  • Make sure you are heading in the right direction.  Ex. downhill skiing
  • Expected barriers 

Accountability 

  • We are ultimately responsible for our actions 
  • We get to be accountable to the goals we set for ourselves and the map that we make.
  • Feelings, situations, emotions, urges, memories are going to happen.  Make sure you have the needed resources.
  • Be mindful of avoidance and unhelpful sticky thought patterns
  • Be willing to address unhelpful patterns
  • Remember: you can always change your course, but at what and whose expense?  Honor your values and your commitments 
  • Let someone know your goals and work towards shared accountability.
  • Feeling guilty?  Good. You have values. 
  • Remember, not all those who wander are lost. Keep going.  
  • Progress is not always a straight line.  

 

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