Tag Archives: introvert

COL710: LoR: Self-care

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss self-care. From taking time for your personal needs to finding your stress levels minimize while out with friends, listen as the guys analyze the ins and outs of self-care. But is providing self-care selfish? Find out as Dr. Ed helps the guys learn more about it.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Self-care

What is self-care?

The National Institute in Mental Health says that “self-care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health. When it comes to your mental health, self-care can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness, and increase your energy. Even small acts of self-care in your daily life can have a big impact” (NIMH, December, 2022).

Examples of self-care 

  • Exercise 
  • Eating well and hydration 
  • Regular sleep 
  • Relaxing activity 
  • Goal setting (realistic goals, I mean)
  • Gratitude 
  • Practice acceptance and mindfulness 
  • Stay connected 

What isn’t here? 

  • Important question when it comes to self-care.  Am I practicing self-care or am I avoiding something?
  • Short term discomfort for long-term gain

What does it mean to practice self-care in relationships?

Differentiation of Self

  • One of the cornerstones of Bowen family systems theory, which states that families are an emotional system.  A person’s ability to manage the relationship between individualization and togetherness determines someone’s differentiation of self.  
  • Differentiated individuals are able to manage conflict without emotional reactivity, maintain their I-state, reach compromises; whereas, undifferentiated individuals tend to fuse with others or blend their emotional state with others, or their will exhibit emotional cutoff, which is where someone will manage their own emotional process by creating emotional and physical distance with someone.  

Social Self-care 

  • No person is an island and neither are you, ok?
  • Sometimes self-care is connecting with others and working on our relationships with others. 
  • Six Hours to a Better Relationship 

Final thoughts 

  • Reach healthy differentiation of self by identifying your own needs in conjunction with your relationship needs….AND recognize, accept, and validate the individual needs of the members of your relationships.  You will do yourself and everyone else a HUGE favor.  
  • “Self-care ain’t selfish” – Adoom 
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COL603: What’s Going On – May 2021

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of May. For this month, the guys share their returning to and new normals while dealing with burning monitors, mask wearing and rage quits.

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: A Monitor Short
  • Damon: Done with Chorus/Trip Away/New Normal
  • Gary: Returning to Normal?

Feedback 

Facebook Likes:

  • Roberto Vargas

YouTube Subscribers:

  • Richard Yates

YouTube Comment:

  • COL600: Achievement Unlocked, Now What? – Oan R. – Have some thoughts about what Gary was saying about representation in organizations.
  • COL601: LoR: FWB – Berty Bertface – Another good guys. 43:13 Gary’s reaction to the “control” wordage being used. I had a similar reaction.

Twitter Followers

  • @Blithwulf

Recent Shows

  • COL599: WGO – April 2021 
  • COL600: Achievement Unlocked, Now What?
  • COL601: Landscape of Relationships: Friends With Benefits
  • COL602: LTAS: JustForFans / OnlyFans
  • COLFB162: To Bare, or Not to Bare

Tweet Tweet:

https://twitter.com/DustiCunningham/status/1400679431899783170

https://twitter.com/CigarPervDad/status/1395868397989154818

https://twitter.com/WestCub_86/status/1392175721326333952

https://twitter.com/IsmaeloFerreri/status/1400153176783962112

 

Links:

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COL553: LTAK: Gear Part 2

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another Let’s Talk About Kink. The guys are again joined by Tony aka Cubziz to discuss gear. In this second part, the cubs get into the ownership and usage of gear. From intent of the usage to safety and storage, listen as the cubs start getting deeper into the larger aspects of gear.

Show Topic

Let’s Talk About Kink: Gear – Part 2

We’re joined one again by kinky boy Tony aka Cubziz for a chat about the ‘gear’ we see and experience when it comes to leather/BDSM/kink. 

  • General Terminology – see episode COL549
  • Kinds/Types/Categories – see episode COL549
    • Common
    • Social Acceptability
  • Owning/Usage
    • Storage/Cleaning
    • Safety

Part 2:

  • What’s involved in owning/using
    • The hardest part is figuring out your intent.
      • For yourself, your jollies or for others’ and/or their jollies.
      • Not always for yourself. Especially in role playing, you may not have an interest in a particular “gear” set, but they may, so your purpose is to arouse them and you enjoy the benefit, in that case.
        • But this CAN change… and frequently does. Someone who learns that they look damned hot in gear and they can get more action that way… will probably begin associating that extra sex with the gear, and thus it becomes seuxalized.
    • I mention because this will adjust the approach.
      • For yourself, being aroused by the wearing of the uniform… you may be happy with just a basic piecemeal uniform.
      • For yourself, but maybe for an image or concept of power… you may put your best into that uniform to achieve EXACTLY what you want.
        • Use Leather as an example here. I can throw a harness on or I can be dressed in full cow, both would make me a leatherman, but one is a bit more involved. Neither is more important, but today I may want a full cow attire, the next day a jock and harness are fine. But you determine your level of involvement for yourself there. (Likewise, if I’m going to a formal leather dinner, just the harness may not be acceptable in that context…)
      • Lastly, some people want it because of how it looks.
        • It isn’t necessarily a fetish, but it does get attention from others.
          • For example, this is a gear fetish item, but penis “packers” can be used as a confidence builder, showing a bit of a bulge. Even if it isn’t flesh, THEY feel better with their projection and thus enjoy it. (Even if it isn’t in a sexual way, just in a “normal” capacity.)
            • Each person determines their own purpose for the gear.
          • Cups are another example of an item that crosses between toy gear and fetish gear. Worn with a football uniform, it would be part of that uniform. Worn under a pair of tight fitting jeans… that may just be the toy gear side of things. Worn with a speedo… that might confuse people. But it could excite someone with that same fetish. 😉
    • On owning and using…
      • Before buying, determine your proper storage and cleaning.
        • Some sportsgear, for example, wrestling singlets needs to be treated better than your daily jeans.  (Never throw a singlet in with anything that has a zipper in fact, or the zippers will shred the lycra and you’ll have a billion burrs.)
        • But fireman’s attire? Pfft… Chuck that into the fastest roughest cycle in the washer and it’ll be the exact same when it comes out. It is desire to survive freaking fire after all.
      • And on storage, leather needs certain levels of conditioning and needs to stay in certain humidity levels, can’t get wet, etc.
        • Whereas a white football uniform can have grass/whatever stains and it’s acceptable. Likewise to clean you throw it into the washer with a ton of bleach. Don’t do that with your leather!
      • Safety is another factor.
        • If you want to get into football attire because you want to do tackling drills, then you probably want a full set of pads.
        • If you are wearing it to the crowded bar, you probably DON’T want the full set of pads *unless it is a uniform night where you might*.
        • Don’t wear JUST a speedo to the bar in the middle of winter. But in summer, by all means.
        • Don’t wear a ghillie suit in the hottest part of summer either. You risk your life there from overheating. (fireman gear is the same problem.)
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COL548: What’s Going On – March 2020

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of March. For this month, the cubs discuss their “new normal” in light of COVID-19. From working from home to social distancing, the guys do not really have a lot going on this month. However, the thirst is real, so expect a lot of THICCness.

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff:  Family, Sick before it was COVID, Training for This My Whole Life
  • Damon: Getting Used to the New Normal
  • Gary: COVID-19

Feedback:

Instagram Followers

  • Chubby__lover
  • Ho_.sm
  • fridaynighthang

YouTube Subscribers:

  • Sw1473
  • Sankar Samir

YouTube Comment:

  • Re: COL547: The Landscape of Relationships – Part 3: Tem: “amazing content dude”, Oan R. commented: “Gawd, such a good show. fans self and sweats” & “I love this episode. Communication is so important.”
  • Re: COL546: LTA. . . COVID-19: Oan R.: Another thing is movie releases have been postponed. The film industry is gonna take a bit of a hit. 
  • Re: COL545: Patreon Version 2.0: Berty Bertface commented: “Should the title not be COL545: The state of Chaturbate? Great show guys.”

Twitter Followers

  • @Sparky40439442
  • @wolfire_1
  • @roberto24622208
  • @black_hayzoos

Recent Shows

  • COL543: What’s Going On – February 2020
  • COL544: The Return of Bathhouses
  • COL545: Patreon Version 2.0
  • COL546: LTA. . . COVID-19
  • COL547:  The Landscape of Relationships – Part 3

Tweet Tweet:

https://twitter.com/meatyhenri/status/1244111572202446849?s=20

https://twitter.com/MuscleDogFF/status/1235776884966854656

https://twitter.com/joshua_C_Parker/status/1243338916981141504

https://twitter.com/kanexbratt/status/1242534762218053632?s=20

Links:

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COL498: BEAR: Being a Virgin

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, North American Bear Weekend is just around the corner! So, it’s time for another Bear Experience Action Readiness show! For this BEAR, the cubs prepare you for your maiden voyage to your first bear event or run. The guys share their first time experiences and give some tips to navigate the choppy bear seas.

Show Topic

Anon Porn and Sexuality Research Survey – by Edward Angelini-Cooke from COL441: The Decline of Gay Bars

Bear Experience Action Readiness: Being a Virgin

We discuss what to expect as a virgin at a bear event/run and what our personal experiences were like.

Audience Questions/Feedback:

  • Baron W.: My first big event was GLLA, and I really didn’t know what to expect! It was exciting yet terrifying all at once. I guess what I wish I had known is that people are (usually) very warm and welcoming and if you put yourself out there you’ll usually find a new friend or five!
  • Joshua P. [Skeleton Crew]: Hmmm…I have never been to an event. From what I see and hear, they are very cliquey, and a fear I have is I would end up spending the time mostly by myself, or just with the people I attend with (which seems to defeat the purpose of attending these events).

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