Tag Archives: COL621

COL710: LoR: Self-care

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss self-care. From taking time for your personal needs to finding your stress levels minimize while out with friends, listen as the guys analyze the ins and outs of self-care. But is providing self-care selfish? Find out as Dr. Ed helps the guys learn more about it.

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Landscape of Relationships: Self-care

What is self-care?

The National Institute in Mental Health says that “self-care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health. When it comes to your mental health, self-care can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness, and increase your energy. Even small acts of self-care in your daily life can have a big impact” (NIMH, December, 2022).

Examples of self-care 

  • Exercise 
  • Eating well and hydration 
  • Regular sleep 
  • Relaxing activity 
  • Goal setting (realistic goals, I mean)
  • Gratitude 
  • Practice acceptance and mindfulness 
  • Stay connected 

What isn’t here? 

  • Important question when it comes to self-care.  Am I practicing self-care or am I avoiding something?
  • Short term discomfort for long-term gain

What does it mean to practice self-care in relationships?

Differentiation of Self

  • One of the cornerstones of Bowen family systems theory, which states that families are an emotional system.  A person’s ability to manage the relationship between individualization and togetherness determines someone’s differentiation of self.  
  • Differentiated individuals are able to manage conflict without emotional reactivity, maintain their I-state, reach compromises; whereas, undifferentiated individuals tend to fuse with others or blend their emotional state with others, or their will exhibit emotional cutoff, which is where someone will manage their own emotional process by creating emotional and physical distance with someone.  

Social Self-care 

  • No person is an island and neither are you, ok?
  • Sometimes self-care is connecting with others and working on our relationships with others. 
  • Six Hours to a Better Relationship 

Final thoughts 

  • Reach healthy differentiation of self by identifying your own needs in conjunction with your relationship needs….AND recognize, accept, and validate the individual needs of the members of your relationships.  You will do yourself and everyone else a HUGE favor.  
  • “Self-care ain’t selfish” – Adoom 
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COL621: LoR: Creating Your Party

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this episode, we are talking about Creating Your Party. Just like in multi-player gaming, real life can have better outcomes when we select a team of skilled people by our side.

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Landscape of Relationships: Creating Your Party

Charlie T 

“How about parental/in-law relationships? Times where lines were crossed (and boundaries should’ve been set), or picking chosen family that’s actually healthy for you (vs just spoiling yourself)? (honestly I’m out of ideas)”

Tommy H

“Maybe about when it’s time to end a long relationship. Some early advice I got was not to talk about breaking up or divorcing until you were actually ready to do it”

Social Capital 

Pierre Bourdieu (French Sociologist)

Social capital is the sum of the resources, actual or virtual, that accrue to an individual or a group by virtue of possessing a durable network of more or less institutionalized relationships of mutual acquaintance and recognition. 

Robert Putman, political scientist, defined social capital as “Connections among individuals — social networks and the norms of reciprocity and trustworthiness that arise from them.” 

Queer Social Capital and Chosen Families 

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