In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this episode, the guys show how they feel the love within the five love languages. From learning what the languages are to sharing their results, listen in as the guys gift us some touching acts of quality words to help understand how these languages affirm the love and affection one can feel for their loved ones. In addition, learn more about more recent developments in the love languages from neurodivergent to kink play dynamics.
Show Topic
Landscape of Relationships: Love Languages
Love Languages (Gary Chapman):
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Gifts
Physical Touch
The 5 Love Languages (according to Britney, Bitch!):
Physical Touch: My loneliness is killing me
Words of Affirmation: I must confess I still believe
Quality Time: When I’m not with you I lose my mind
Give Giving: Give me a sign
Acts of Service: Hit me baby one more time
The 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages:
Infodumping
Parallel Play
Support Swapping
Please Crush My Soul Back into My Body
“I found this cool rock/button/leaf/etc and thought you would like it”
Fear not: John Gottman and the Gottman approach, which I reference often, is a good overlap with the 5 languages of love….and allows some flexibility with the concepts.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss the often dreaded in-laws. As media seems to make it seem that most straight couples have to deal with their in-laws and spouse’s families, the cubs review how this translates into the relationships of the LGBTQ+ community. Are they really that different or can similar tactics, communication and boundaries help ease the potential tension?
Show Topic
Landscape of Relationships: In-Laws
Lots of research and media about how in-law relationships are really difficult. That may be the case as some research out there says 3 out of 4 couples have difficult relationships with heterosexual in-laws. Is that the case with same-sex relationships?
Every family is different with a different rulebook that has been in creation for possibly generations.
Possibility for conflictual interactions, difficult pasts, and crunchy presents.
BOUNDARIES!!!!!
Know your values
Stay true to you.
Brene Brown’s BRAVING…specifically the Generosity part.
Keep those conflict skills in check.
LGBT in-laws (2019) 400 interviews from children in law who identified as gay or lesbian. Describe relationship with same sex in law parent.
Many of those interviewed struggled with acceptance by one or both of their parents-in-law.
Relationships usually improved with time
While parents-in-law became increasingly accepting, there was often someone else in the family who was not accepting
Acceptance by the mothers-in-law, according to the daughters-in-law, came as more of their friends and social circle either had children who were lesbian or gay, or their friends and social circle became more socially aware.
Feelings of ambivalence toward family members are typical.
Be the subject of your life, not the object.
You become an adult child the moment you set boundaries with your family (and in-laws).
What do YOU want to do with your partner in relation to each other’s families?
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss the topic of unfriending. Whether it be friends, family or “framily”, there are situations which may require a need to remove people from your lives. Listen in as the cubs share some advice on when, how and who should be unfriended.
This is a great article on using yourself as a reference point to assess your friendships with others. (If we want honesty from others we have to make sure we are honest.)
Advice my Mom gave me growing up that I didn’t always take, “stick with the winners.” I have adapted it to, “Stay close to the ones who know where they are headed.” I don’t like the winners/losers dichotomy, but it has the same idea.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this installment, the cubs share their thoughts on FWBs, otherwise known as friends with benefits. What are the building blocks of this type of relationship and how do you make it work? And, what exactly are the benefits?
Show Topic
Landscape of Relationships: Friends With Benefits
Is a friendship a relationship????
Thoughts?
Many cultures define friendships as a very important relationship
LGBTQ community- “chosen family”
Atlantic 2020 article that discussed the cultural and historical importances of friendships
A set of societal expectations for intimate relationships. Partners follow a set of progressive set of steps, each with clear markers, with a goal in mind.
In 2017, 171 University of Denver students (more women than men) were surveyed on sexual satisfaction, commitment and trust of FWB relationships
Big takeaways? *drumroll please* communication and setting healthy boundaries
They found sexual satisfaction was important but so was sacrificing for the good of the partner, and not looking for the next best thing.
Why? Lots of research is looking at young adults who are in school. Romantic relationships are oftentimes an added stressor that takes away from studying. Some students opt for FWB arrangements to reduce overall stress.
FWBs are supposed to decrease pressure, not add pressure.
You need to be friends in order to call it a FWB. Those take time, trust, shared history, etc.
Must be mutually beneficial and convenient
If the FWB ends, you are allowed to be upset.
“It’s confusing to try to develop friendship founded on a sexual relationship guided by a rule system that has to be invented as you go. Or, when you’re trying to force a friendship so that you can add sex as a benefit, where does the friendship part fit in? That’s putting the benefits before the friendship.”
“Sexual exploration can and often does become a part of an existing friendship between consenting people. Or you may have been in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with this person earlier in your life, but now it’s morphed into a friendship. In such circumstances, the sexual connection may remain, or may be reintroduced. But the common thread is the history between you, the investment you share in the friendship, and the trust that has formed. You recognize that you both enjoy the chemistry, but that you may not be as compatible emotionally as you are sexually. It’s a mutually understood experience. The connection you have as friends determines whether this time in your life and in your relationship is right to be sharing benefits.”
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of April. From growing pains to mad financial gains, listen in as the guys disrupt their sleep cycles to bring you all up to date on their goings-on for the first full month of Spring.
What’s Going On?
Jeff: What’s a sleep schedule?
Damon: Concert in the Can/Money in the Bank
Gary: Getting Older Revelations
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Blog Comment:
Hi COL, Woof woof. I’m a pup from India, figuring things out as they come. I saw your podcast and I was wondering if I could join you for an episode. Thanks and look forward to. Pawfully yours, Pup Max
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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this episode, the guys show how they feel the love within the five love languages. From learning what the languages are to sharing their results, listen in as the guys gift us some touching acts of quality words to help understand how these languages affirm the love and affection one can feel for their loved ones. In addition, learn more about more recent developments in the love languages from neurodivergent to kink play dynamics.
