In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of July. For this month, the cubs discuss the rise of variants, hugs, vaccinations and new roles. As we’re 7 months into the year of 2021, the guys get you up-to-date on their near end of Summer.
What’s Going On?
Jeff: New Role, New Games, One Shot
Damon: So Many HUGS
Gary: Seven Down, Five to Go
Feedback
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Brice Wilson
Grae Krause
YouTube Comment:
COL608: ATNS: Goodbye XTube – Edward M: Are you all gay?
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this installment, the cubs share their thoughts on FWBs, otherwise known as friends with benefits. What are the building blocks of this type of relationship and how do you make it work? And, what exactly are the benefits?
Show Topic
Landscape of Relationships: Friends With Benefits
Is a friendship a relationship????
Thoughts?
Many cultures define friendships as a very important relationship
LGBTQ community- “chosen family”
Atlantic 2020 article that discussed the cultural and historical importances of friendships
A set of societal expectations for intimate relationships. Partners follow a set of progressive set of steps, each with clear markers, with a goal in mind.
In 2017, 171 University of Denver students (more women than men) were surveyed on sexual satisfaction, commitment and trust of FWB relationships
Big takeaways? *drumroll please* communication and setting healthy boundaries
They found sexual satisfaction was important but so was sacrificing for the good of the partner, and not looking for the next best thing.
Why? Lots of research is looking at young adults who are in school. Romantic relationships are oftentimes an added stressor that takes away from studying. Some students opt for FWB arrangements to reduce overall stress.
FWBs are supposed to decrease pressure, not add pressure.
You need to be friends in order to call it a FWB. Those take time, trust, shared history, etc.
Must be mutually beneficial and convenient
If the FWB ends, you are allowed to be upset.
“It’s confusing to try to develop friendship founded on a sexual relationship guided by a rule system that has to be invented as you go. Or, when you’re trying to force a friendship so that you can add sex as a benefit, where does the friendship part fit in? That’s putting the benefits before the friendship.”
“Sexual exploration can and often does become a part of an existing friendship between consenting people. Or you may have been in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with this person earlier in your life, but now it’s morphed into a friendship. In such circumstances, the sexual connection may remain, or may be reintroduced. But the common thread is the history between you, the investment you share in the friendship, and the trust that has formed. You recognize that you both enjoy the chemistry, but that you may not be as compatible emotionally as you are sexually. It’s a mutually understood experience. The connection you have as friends determines whether this time in your life and in your relationship is right to be sharing benefits.”
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke for an in depth discussion on relationships. For this second part, the guys delve into boundaries and rules. With Edward’s help, the cubs discuss the similarities and differences between these two terms, how they relate to each person and those involved in the relationship, and also discord on the potential minefield of expectations. How do we set our boundaries? Are expectations a good or a bad thing? What’s on your relationship checklist? The guys hash out these questions and more.
Show Topic
The Landscape of Relationships – Boundaries and Rules
Boundaries (“I Will/I Won’t”) v. Rules/Agreements/Expectations (“You/We Won’t”)
debated topic within relationship communities
Is this a rule or a boundary?
Boundary as skin metaphor (protects us from bacteria, allows the good stuff in and sweats the bad stuff out, elastic with limitations [you can break skin], boundaries are about me
Rules are about us and you, jealousy, usually some form of control
Pros and Cons of Rules
Pros:
Contracts
Establishing or Re-establishing solid foundation of connection and intimacy
Conditional…not unilateral or controlling
Spoken
Cons:
Can be Controlling
Can be rigid and unhealthy
Can be Set up to be broken
Unspoken
Agreements are similar to the idea of a relationship contract or vows
Expectations are resentments waiting to happen
Kinds of Personal Boundaries
Emotional
Example: Don’t go to the hardware store for bread
Physical
Examples: allergies, personal bubble, DON’T COME INTO MY ROOM, MOM!!!!
Time
Examples: don’t make plans within 24 hours, I have office hours on Tuesdays
Sexual
Examples: Consent, Refer to checklist
Intellectual
Examples: Agree to disagree, awareness of who and what you are talking about
Material
Examples: Don’t lend out money, I need that sling back by Friday etc
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are in the center ring as they discuss North American Bear Weekend 2018. Gary, Chester, and Damon ringlead the conversation about the freaks, the clowns, and the menagerie of experiences of the weekend. From the contest and dances to the workshops and more, the cubs shine the spotlight on this international spectacle!
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another Let’s Talk About Sex! For this topic, we start the discussion about playspace etiquette. Listen in as we give the dos and don’ts about your favorite back bar space, dark room, bathhouse, frolic and mingle rooms. So, should you enter a playroom chatting on your cellphone while eating a plate of nachos?
Chester: Apt Approved, packing, and Evan’s first drive-in
Gary: July is here!
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euthman alkhatib عثمان الخطيب
bihubi altakhayun alrajulaa بحب التخين الرجولى
Chrissy Brewer
Victor Guerrero
Khald Shami
Trez Daniel
Liam Diamond
Aron Moberg
Alex Salmeron
Curtis Steven
Mike A Miller
Ryan JoseEspinoza
Eric James
Kyle Traum
David B Johnson
Derryk Owyn Paramoure
Lileric Crutcher
Reid Loveland
Dakota Green
Lucas Luiz Carlos Pereira
Facebook Comment:
Ches Clark SHOW NOTE [re: COL421]: I realized after the fact that I didn’t get in the whole story about my birthday dinner. (I think I cut myself off because I felt like I was monopolizing and rambling on.) That being said, I wanted to make a small addendum, especially given that I was giving someone who wasn’t present to defend himself a bit of a hard time. Brady *did* sincerely apologize for initiating the song and spectacle debacle as part of owning up to it, and had no idea beforehand that I was so vehemently opposed to that sort of public display. He truly did feel terrible about it afterward, but I was just in no mood to hear it at the time. He was just trying to be playful and funny, and so for those who might be worried about him getting “two black marks in my little book,” have no fear–most of that accounting business is tongue-in-cheek. Brady and I are very much okay with each other. Cheers!
Re: COL421: Greg Ballard I would love to do a co host spot someday. Love this channel! Watching right now!
I’m looking for some movie recommendations! I’m after a movie featuring the bear/chub community. Romantic, drama, comedy – all work. Not looking for a porn flick but sex scenes are fine. I’ve heard BearCity might be a good place to start. What are some others? Maybe some ideas on the next @cubsoutloud? Thanks Tumblr folks!
Rotundaplomb in re: to COL420: State of the Community 2017
Wish I could have stayed for more of the live stream. You miss so many of Gary’s faces on the podcast version. Great list of some Pride documentaries to watch – check the show notes.
FirstRonin in re: to COLSP06: Daddy’s Day Storytime 2017 directed to Hadrian…
I just want to say that you have an amazing voice! No matter what you’re reading or saying, you make me melt a little.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of July. For this month, the cubs discuss the rise of variants, hugs, vaccinations and new roles. As we’re 7 months into the year of 2021, the guys get you up-to-date on their near end of Summer.
