Tag Archives: divorce

COL721: LTA… Adulting, Redux

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another installment in the Let’s Talk About… series. After the audio issues a couple of weeks ago, the guys are returning to the discussion of their life experiences over the decades in the bear community. In this “redux”, the cubs discuss growing up, life lessons and how it feels to be adults. From finding your tribe to balancing your checkbook, listen in on the ins and outs of being big ole bears.

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LTA… Adulting, Redux

Recently Jeff and Gary had a lovely chat about the passage of time as cubs of a certain age. After quite a few years in the bear community, our journeys through life had been down and up. Do we regret growing up? What lessons do we have for others to consider? 

Wikipedia Article: Adulting

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COL617: LoR: Struggle Bus

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this episode, the cubs take a ride on the struggle bus. Discussing conflict and conflict resolution, listen and learn along with the guys as they reveal the common pitfalls and potential solutions to this common problem.

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Landscape of Relationships: Struggle Bus

Four Horsemen 

  • Stonewalling
  • Criticism
  • Defensiveness
  • Contempt

Antidotes

  • Psychological Self-soothing [for Stonewalling]
  • Gentle Start Up [for Criticism]
  • Take Responsibility [for Defensiveness] – it’s okay to be wrong, make mistakes, own our limits, be vulnerable
  • Appreciation [for Contempt] – consider a ratio with 5 for 1 [5 appreciative thoughts for 1 contempt]

The Conflict BluePrint 

  • Current Conflicts
  • Attachment Injuries
  • Gridlock Issues 
    • Conflict is ongoing and recurring
    • 69% of conflicts are unsolvable
    • Utilize conversation/discussion to unearth the underlying source/cause

Resources:

The Marriage Minute – email newsletter signup site

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert – Amazon ordering info

Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love – Amazon ordering info

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COL532: The Landscape of Relationships

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined by previous guest Edward Angelini-Cooke for an in depth discussion on relationships. Based on some of Edward’s research for his doctoral dissertation, the cubs breakdown some of the various dynamics in the vast landscape of relationships. From monogamy to polycules, listen as the cubs give some insight to the “It’s Complicated” relationship statuses and more.

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The Landscape of Relationships

    • Relationship Anarchy – belief that relationships should not be bound by rules aside from what the people involved mutually agree upon
    • Closed Relationships – relationships that limits sexual and romantic to strictly the parties involved in the relationship
      • Monogamy – a two-person relationship in which an individual has only one partner during their lifetime—alternately, only one partner at any one time (Serial Monogamy)
        • Infidelity – violation of a couple’s assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and/or sexual exclusivity (synonyms include: cheating, straying, adultery (when married), being unfaithful, or having an affair)
      • Polyfidelity – a relationship structure where all members are considered equal partners and agree to restrict sexual activity to only other members of the group [considered both closed and open at the same time]
    • Open Relationships – a relationship that is non-monogamous; generally indicates a relationship where there is a primary relationship between two partners, who agree to at least the possibility of other people
      • Monogamish – In a July 20, 2011 column, Dan Savage coined the term, applying it to his own relationship with his partner; describing couples who are “mostly” but not 100% monogamous; such couples have an understanding that allows for some amount of sexual activity outside the relationship
      • Poly
        • Polyamory – the practice of, or desire for, relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved; described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy”
        • Polygamy – the practice of marrying multiple spouses
          • Polygyny – most common/accepted form of polygamy; marriage of a man with several women
          • Polyandry – marriage in which a woman takes two or more husbands at the same time
    • Bigamy – In cultures where monogamy is mandated, bigamy is the act of entering into a marriage with one person while still legally married to another
      • Swinging – [sometimes called wife swapping, husband swapping, or partner swapping] sexual activity in which both singles and partners in a committed relationship engage in such activities with others as a recreational or social activity

Resources 

Books:

Podcasts 

  • Loving Without Boundaries 
  • Polamory Weekly 
  • Touch of Flavor [kink centric]
  • Non-monogamy Help
  • Savage Lovecast

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