Tag Archives: family

Podcasts

COLFB213: A Life Altering Experience

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It’s the Memorial Holiday weekend here in the US. Damon and Gary are each on little vacations of their own. We’ll be back live in a week but this time around, we’re turning back the clock nine years to 2013. Funny enough, Damon was on vacation back then. But Jeff was joined by Gary and veteran co-host Eric! This week’s theme appears to be how nearly a decade later things repeat; rent increases, LGBTQ under fire politically, Orlando, drag queens, porn, and more. Remember limited cell phone plans? That’s a part of the conversation too!

Logo_ncod_lgOn this episode of Cubs Out Loud, Damon is out, but Jeff, Eric and Gary discuss what Life Altering Moments have been important to them. This and Spontaneous Trips to Orlando, and more.

What the F Did We Do This Week

Topic: Life altering moments – profound experiences that changed the course of your life, moments when you can clearly see looking back that another outcome would have resulted in a much different future/present

This Weeks Poll: What was your life altering moment?

Last Week’s Poll: Does wearing skinny jeans make you feel more gay?

Love on Craigslist – Bringing the Best of Love and Lust to You

  • [Eric] Your “Time” of the Month-Need Attention – m4w (Queens)
  • [Jeff] – BUBBLE SHEMALE FOER KAZH – t4m – 22 (MANHATTAN OUT ONLY)
  • [Gary] – Lady at the funeral – m4w – 50 Houston

Links:

  • [Jeff] Skechers Men’s Golson Belton Slip-On

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COL649: LoR: Red Flags, Green Flags

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss the potential red, yellow and green flags in relationship and kink dynamics. While a potentially funny meme, these flags are no laughing matter. Listen in as the cubs unfurl some details and give some insight into looking out for the signals of a healthy (and unhealthy) relationship.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Red Flags, Green Flags

What are Relationship Flags?

  • Relationship flags are indicators of healthy, unhealthy, and dangerous behaviors or feelings within relationships.  
  • They can be red, yellow, or green.  

Red Flags 

  • Controlling behaviors 
  • Violence 
  • Emotional and verbal abuse 
  • Intentional sabotage or hurting of feelings
  • Walking on eggshells 
  • Friends and family (support) are not trusting of your partner
  • Using things against you that were told in confidence
  • Usually can improve for short periods of time but abuse is usually cyclical 

 Yellow Flags 

  • All or nothing communication 
  • Pushes boundaries 
  • Codependency or enmeshment 
  • Difficulty with finding things in common 
  • Lack of similarities with goals and values 
  • These can be improved upon in meaningful ways 

Green Flags 

  • Healthy communication 
  • Respecting boundaries 
  • Interdependence 
  • Supportive of goals and values 
  • Knowing love languages
  • Awareness that no relationship is perfect 

Let’s Get Kinky 

Red Flags in Kink 

  • Expect you to immediately obey them and call them an honorific or title before agreed upon/Call you a title one honorific immediately before agreed upon
  • Don’t ask you about your hard or soft limits
  • Tell you what “real” or “true” submissive or a dominant does 
  • Separate you from friends and family or kinky friends 
  • Tell you that they have no limits and expect you to have no limits as well
  • Expect you, as the Dominant, to take full responsibility for their health and wellbeing, both physically and emotionally
  • Dismiss opinions 
  • Dictate how your dynamic will go 

Green Flags in Kink 

  • Want to get to know you on a deeper level, and have an interest in more than just your kinks and sexual preferences
  • They won’t do anything without your expressed consent, and will respect your stated boundaries and limits, as well as sharing their own
  • They’re interested in hearing about your journey in kink, as well as what turns you on and off, along with your opinions on how you’d like your dynamic to grow
  • They respect your existing friendships and relationships, even if they may not be directly introduced to the other important people in your life
  • They emphasize the importance of safety, consent, negotiation, and safe words in kinky dynamics
  • They take responsibility for their actions, understanding that you are not the cure for their problems

If you feel you are in a dangerous relationship situation.  Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

Resources 

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COLDR: S14E04: Snatch Game, An Extra Special Episode, Moulin Ru: The Rusical

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In this episode of COL Drag Race ‘T-Time’, Gary and Damon discuss the next three episodes of the never-ending 14th season of RPDR. From an abysmal snatch game to a musical awakening, the guys watch the queens give it their best can-can do as they continue to lip sync for their lives again and again. But when will this season end? With there STILL being 7 queens remaining in the competition, how much longer is it gonna take to get to the finale? Put the car on cruise control and coast along as the guys check the roadmap to the checkered flag.

WEEKLY TOPIC

RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 14

Put the Pedal to the Metal:

  • [Damon] – How many episodes is this season gonna have?!?
  • [Gary] – Talk about stretching it out…

Snaps & Eyerolls:

  • [Damon] – Snaps for… The best read EVAH!
  • [Gary] – Snaps for… Best cast cohesion?
  • [Damon] – Eyerolls for… Cerebral Snatch Game 
  • [Gary] – Eyerolls for… Production Shenanigans
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COL628: LoR: In-Laws

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss the often dreaded in-laws. As media seems to make it seem that most straight couples have to deal with their in-laws and spouse’s families, the cubs review how this translates into the relationships of the LGBTQ+ community. Are they really that different or can similar tactics, communication and boundaries help ease the potential tension?

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: In-Laws

Lots of research and media about how in-law relationships are really difficult.  That may be the case as some research out there says 3 out of 4 couples have difficult relationships with heterosexual in-laws.  Is that the case with same-sex relationships? 

Meeting the In-Laws

  1. Every family is different with a different rulebook that has been in creation for possibly generations.
  2. Possibility for conflictual interactions, difficult pasts, and crunchy presents.
  3. BOUNDARIES!!!!!
    1. Know your values
    2. Stay true to you.
  4. Brene Brown’s BRAVING…specifically the Generosity part.  
    1. Keep those conflict skills in check.

LGBT in-laws (2019) 400 interviews from children in law who identified as gay or lesbian.  Describe relationship with same sex in law parent.

  1. Many of those interviewed struggled with acceptance by one or both of their parents-in-law.
  2. Relationships usually improved with time
  3. While parents-in-law became increasingly accepting, there was often someone else in the family who was not accepting
  4. Acceptance by the mothers-in-law, according to the daughters-in-law, came as more of their friends and social circle either had children who were lesbian or gay, or their friends and social circle became more socially aware.
  5. Feelings of ambivalence toward family members are typical.

Be the subject of your life, not the object.  

  • You become an adult child the moment you set boundaries with your family (and in-laws).
  • What do YOU want to do with your partner in relation to each other’s families?
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COL624: LoR: Unfriending

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In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss the topic of unfriending. Whether it be friends, family or “framily”, there are situations which may require a need to remove people from your lives. Listen in as the cubs share some advice on when, how and who should be unfriended.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Unfriending

  • Top 8
  • Close Friends
  • Feed
  • Limited Feed
  • Unfollow 
  • Block

Parents – MyCounselor article – Healthy Relationships with Adult Children 

  • This comes from a Christian counseling website  
  • Look at this like a checklist to see if you have them 
  • Setting expectations of how you are to be treated is HUGE.  
  • Check out the boundaries podcast 
  • Think of boundaries like the rules of D&D

Friends – Psychology Today: 13 Essential Traits of Good Friends 

This is a great article on using yourself as a reference point to assess your friendships with others. (If we want honesty from others we have to make sure we are honest.)

  • Advice my Mom gave me growing up that I didn’t always take, “stick with the winners.”  I have adapted it to, “Stay close to the ones who know where they are headed.” I don’t like the winners/losers dichotomy, but it has the same idea. 
  • Like D&D, be mindful about who you party with. 

Friends and Family – Personal Excellence article – Unsupportive People 

  • Don’t go to the hardware store for bread. 
  • Find out where the hardware store is.
  • If I’m out of life, unless I have someone on my party who has regeneration….I need to get it from someone else.
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