Tag Archives: polygamy

COL692: LoR: Sexual Scripts

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke is back as the guys turn the pages on sexual scripts. Follow line by line as Ed and the cubs break down what sexual scripts are, where they come from and what happens when you go “off book.” Editing, improv and flipping the script are not just for the stage anymore!

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Landscape of Relationships: Sexual Scripts

What are sexual scripts?

In 1986, researchers  William Simon and John H. Gagnon defined sexual scripts as the cultural and societally approved norms that a person accesses, agrees upon, and activates through a sexual socialization process.  These sexual scripts are specific to the culture a person is socialized in, which tell them what behaviors, thoughts, emotions are or are not acceptable.  People carry these scripts with them into sexual situations and they tell them how to respond.  Simon and Gagnon theorized that sexual scripts have three different categories, including socio-cultural, interpersonal, and intrapsychic:

Examples of cultural sexual scripts:

  • Dating culture 
  • Premarital sex 
  • Monogamy 
  • Dominance and submission
  • Heteronormative 
  • What else?

Examples of interpersonal sexual scripts:

  • Flirting/sexual negotiation
  • Consent/sexual assault 
  • Top/Bottom
  • What else?

Examples of intrapsychic sexual scripts:

  • Turn ons
  • Fantasy
  • Kinks and fetishes
  • Pleasure
  • Sexual Desire 
  • What else?

Quote from Simon & Gagnon (1986)

In the most pragmatic sense, sexual scripts must solve two problems. The first of these is gaining permission from the self to engage in desired forms of sexual behavior. The second problem is that of access to the experiences that the desired behavior is expected to generate.

What happens when we go off script or improvising?

  • Rejection
  • Non-monogamy/Poly
  • Ace/Aro
  • Relationship anarchy 
  • Sides 
  • Sexual dysfunctions
  • Mental health/Trauma 
  • What else?

What do we do when we are off-script?

Good rules of improv? 

  • Yes, and….
  • Boundaries 
  • Acknowledge
  • Allow
  • Accommodate
  • Appreciate and….
  • Communicate!  (especially your boundaries)

 

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COL532: The Landscape of Relationships

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined by previous guest Edward Angelini-Cooke for an in depth discussion on relationships. Based on some of Edward’s research for his doctoral dissertation, the cubs breakdown some of the various dynamics in the vast landscape of relationships. From monogamy to polycules, listen as the cubs give some insight to the “It’s Complicated” relationship statuses and more.

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The Landscape of Relationships

    • Relationship Anarchy – belief that relationships should not be bound by rules aside from what the people involved mutually agree upon
    • Closed Relationships – relationships that limits sexual and romantic to strictly the parties involved in the relationship
      • Monogamy – a two-person relationship in which an individual has only one partner during their lifetime—alternately, only one partner at any one time (Serial Monogamy)
        • Infidelity – violation of a couple’s assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and/or sexual exclusivity (synonyms include: cheating, straying, adultery (when married), being unfaithful, or having an affair)
      • Polyfidelity – a relationship structure where all members are considered equal partners and agree to restrict sexual activity to only other members of the group [considered both closed and open at the same time]
    • Open Relationships – a relationship that is non-monogamous; generally indicates a relationship where there is a primary relationship between two partners, who agree to at least the possibility of other people
      • Monogamish – In a July 20, 2011 column, Dan Savage coined the term, applying it to his own relationship with his partner; describing couples who are “mostly” but not 100% monogamous; such couples have an understanding that allows for some amount of sexual activity outside the relationship
      • Poly
        • Polyamory – the practice of, or desire for, relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved; described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy”
        • Polygamy – the practice of marrying multiple spouses
          • Polygyny – most common/accepted form of polygamy; marriage of a man with several women
          • Polyandry – marriage in which a woman takes two or more husbands at the same time
    • Bigamy – In cultures where monogamy is mandated, bigamy is the act of entering into a marriage with one person while still legally married to another
      • Swinging – [sometimes called wife swapping, husband swapping, or partner swapping] sexual activity in which both singles and partners in a committed relationship engage in such activities with others as a recreational or social activity

Resources 

Books:

Podcasts 

  • Loving Without Boundaries 
  • Polamory Weekly 
  • Touch of Flavor [kink centric]
  • Non-monogamy Help
  • Savage Lovecast

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