Tag Archives: grief

COL680: LoR: Parasocial Interactions

January 24, 2023 boxtech Leave a comment

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. The cubs are once again joined by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke for this insightful look into one-sided parasocial interactions. From celebrities to social media influencers, learn how these types of relationships are formed without the others’ knowledge and also the positive and negative impacts they can have on the person creating it. Please like, comment and subscribe to learn more.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Parasocial Interactions

Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships where one person invests lots of time, energy, interest, and sometimes money where the other person is completely unaware of the other person’s existence. Parasocial relationships are most common with celebrities, organizations, television stars, and social media. These relationships are created through parasocial interactions (PSI) through mediated encounters with performers through mass media.

Social media offers an added layer of interaction for these relationships to intensify through likes, comments, and direct messaging.

Alief – def. knowing something isn’t real but feeling like it is

Positive Outcomes of Parasocial Relationships

*Identity Formation

performers can offer autonomy in relationships where they can receive total acceptance outside of parents/family.
provide a secure relationship without the fear of rejection.
feeling a part of a group
empathy

*Learning

Bandura’s Social Learning Theory says that social behavior is learning and imitating the behaviors of others.
Shows like Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, Sesame Street, Dora the Explorer, Blue’s Clues, and more recently Bluey all offer kids opportunities to learn through identification with these characters.

Negative Outcomes of Parasocial Relationships

*Body Image

research has indicated a negative relationship between parasocial relationships and body image, as well as self-comparison, social comparison with characters increases negative body image
interestingly among men, having a PSR with a superhero is likely to protect body image, where not having a PSR with a superhero is likely to hurt body image
the usage of filters in social media (like airbrushing in print media) has greatly increased, giving a false reality of performers.

*Aggression

more aggressive viewers were more likely to identify with aggressive characters and create PSR with them.

*General

anxiety media views are more likely to be more invested in parasocial relationships
parasocial relationships are one-sided and different traditional friendships
the whole hegemonic masculinity thing
parasocial breakups and grief “what happens when they ‘betray’ you or they die?” Research indicated this follows the patterns of a relationship breakup
can create bias in reality

Topics of PSR

Taylor Swift “Swifties”, Lizzo “Lizzbeans”
Twitter/Only Fans
Reality TV Stars
Vloggers/Podcast hosts
Fictional Characters
Tiktok
Politicians

Be mindful of the media you are consuming and how that translates into your other relationships and the real world.

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COL640: LoR: Chosen Family

March 22, 2022 boxtech Leave a comment

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, Damon is on assignment in Detroit, Michigan and will fill us in on his experience in a future episode while Jeff and Gary chat with Edward about what is a chosen family. From our origins to the aunties, cousins, sisters, and brothers we choose, the LGBTQ community has developed its own families. But are they still needed today?

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Chosen Family

Rina Sawayama and Elton John (2021)

Where do I belong?

Tell me your story and I’ll tell you mine

I’m all ears, take your time, we got all night

Show me the rivers crossed, the mountains scaled

Show me who made you walk all the way here

Settle down, put your bags down

(Ooh) You’re alright now

We don’t need to be related to relate

We don’t need to share genes or a surname

You are, you are

My chosen, chosen family

So what if we don’t look the same?

We been going through the same thing

Yeah, you are, you are

My chosen, chosen family

What is a Chosen Family?

“chosen families are nonbiological kinship bonds, whether legally recognized or not, deliberately chosen for the purpose of mutual support and love.
Families We Choose: Lesbians, Gays, Kinship, cultural anthropologist Kath Weston defines chosen family as consisting of “friends, partners and ex-partners, biological and non-biological children, and others who provide kinship support.”
The term originated within the LGBTQ community and was used to describe early queer gatherings like the Harlem Drag Balls of the late nineteenth century.
Movies like Paris is Burning, shows like Pose as well as RENT highlighted the concept of chosen families
Often times a protective factor against forms of discrimination and violence at home and helps create positive and, hopefully, secure, attachments with others.

Chosen Families and COVID

During COVID, many queer youth were being separated from their chosen family during lockdown, which runs the risk of increased violence and stress
2021 Trevor Project Survey
COVID 19 Ruptured Chosen Families

People Need Paid Leave Policies That Cover Chosen Family

Last year, New York City began allowing workers to use paid time off to care for anyone they personally define as family, whether they’re “related by blood or affinity.” In doing so, NYC joined other major metropolises like Chicago, San Francisco, and St. Paul, MN, as well as states like Arizona and Rhode Island, in honoring non-biological kinship.

Chosen Family by Them

A list of articles/blogs that include content on the topic of Chosen Families

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COL598: Landscape of Relationships: Trust Part Two

April 20, 2021 boxtech Leave a comment

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. This time the guys discuss trust. For this second part, the guys continue their break down of the anatomy of trust. Listen in as the cubs open their vaults and get courageous in the face of judgment. As integral parts of the anatomy, the guys further discuss vulnerability and how it is important to trust with others and themselves.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Trust

What is trust?

Brené Brown: Anatomy of Trust

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COL555: The Landscape of Relationships – Part 4

May 26, 2020 boxtech Leave a comment

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to discuss the landscape of relationships. In this fourth installment, Edward and the cubs break down the complicated emotion of jealousy and how it affects romantic and other relationships. Is jealousy truly a green-eyed monster or just simply misunderstood?

Show Topic

The Landscape of Relationships – Jealousy

Jealousy Quotes

“Beware….of jealousy! It is the green-eyed monster, which doth mock/The meat it feeds on.”-Iago, Othello, William Shakespeare

“Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.” – Maya Angelou

“Jealousy is not a barometer by which the depth of love can be read, it merely records the degree of the lover’s insecurity.” – Margaret Mead

Cognitive Triangle

Emotions

Emotions are needed for survival

Universally accepted expressions of feelings

Notice there are more “negative emotions” than “positive emotions”….why?

Complex Emotions

examples : Grief, Regret, Jealousy, Envy

Complex emotions include various emotional states (e.g. grief is the one we are most familiar with….Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance). Freud’s model of Jealousy includes four major components: Grief (pain of losing a relationship), Realization (we can’t have everything we want), Enmity (towards the “winner” of affection/attention), and Anger towards ourselves that we are not good enough.
Complex emotions vary based on the person, situation, and culture….therefore, we can not rely on universally accepted facial expression.

Jealousy

What is it? Jealousy is a complex emotion that includes feelings of anger, sadness, fear. Typically experienced when a person experienced a threat to a relationship.
DISCLAIMER: This feeling is not only reserved for romantic relationships. We can have feelings of jealousy in familial, work, and friend relationships.
Is it normal? Absolutely. Evolutionary scientists have shown that animals, such as dogs, experience jealousy. It is a necessary emotion in order to preserve social bonds. While it may be normal, it may not be helpful.
People who experience jealousy in relationships, not shockingly, report decreased relationship satisfaction.
Why am I feeling Jealous? Research suggests that low self-esteem, possessiveness over others, high neuroticism , fear of abandonment are predictors of jealousy.
Suspicious jealous-feeling stimulated by a thought or a feeling….this is typically due to an attachment trauma, self-conscious, low self esteem.
Reactive jealousy-feeling stimulated by an actual event or triggers. (Second Life study)

What Do We Do?

Work on yourself first….

- - What is your relationship with jealousy? Do you have a pattern of jealousy in your life? How intense?
  - What are you feeling (angry, sad, or afraid)?
  - What evidence do we have? What am I thinking about?
  - Why am I feeling this way? Am I envious? At whom or what?
  - How am I experiencing this physically? If I feel tense, can I relax?
  - Notice that your thoughts and emotions shift and change….this isn’t going to last forever.
  - Once you do this….then we can talk to our partner.
  - Communicate with your partner your feelings. Recognize that jealousy isn’t a bad thing. Discuss boundaries.

If your partner is the one who is jealous….

- Listen to them….completely (Mantra: Just Shut Up and Listen!)
- Don’t respond
- Reflect back what you are hearing
- Practice empathy
- Recognize that the jealous says more about them than it does about you.

Addressing your Jealousy

Refer to The Jealousy Workbook Chapter 17 through the end
- Buddhism, mindfulness, meditation, attachment
- Eye Movement, Desensitization, and Reprocessing (EMDR)
- Positive affirmations
- Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) CBT therapy that disects thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Compersion

Combination of pleasant feelings and thoughts towards your partner when they are in a positive romantic relationship with someone else.
Turning jealousy into compersion….finding neutrality. Increase empathy. Look through their eyes.
Constriction to expansion.
Exclusion, abandonment, and deprivation to belonging, autonomy, and responsibility.

Review:

Jealousy is a normal emotion, but not always helpful.
Listen to what jealousy is telling you as the person experiencing it or the person receiving it.
Don’t avoid that you are on the ride.
Communicate
If you feel you suffer from anxious attachment, talking to someone is helpful.

Resources

Books:

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COL507: What’s Going On – April 2019

May 7, 2019 boxtech Leave a comment

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On episode for the month of April. This month was a marathon of a month for some of the hosts; so much so that we had to move the show into May! Listen as the cubs give us a peek into their personal lives again and we find out how they’ve been doing.