In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Let’s Talk About… For this episode, the guys talk about love–exciting and new. From feeling romantic vibes to just feeling randy, find out how the cubs feel about finding love, being in love, and what love means to them.
Show Topic
LTA… The Love Bug
When it comes to the romantic side of our hosts, what do they feel describes them as being in love? Are there specific feelings, actions, behaviors that we universally feel show love for others? Have we ever been ‘bitten by the love bug’? Did we get over the itch?
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. The cubs are once again joined by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke for this insightful look into one-sided parasocial interactions. From celebrities to social media influencers, learn how these types of relationships are formed without the others’ knowledge and also the positive and negative impacts they can have on the person creating it. Please like, comment and subscribe to learn more.
Show Topic
Landscape of Relationships: Parasocial Interactions
Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships where one person invests lots of time, energy, interest, and sometimes money where the other person is completely unaware of the other person’s existence. Parasocial relationships are most common with celebrities, organizations, television stars, and social media. These relationships are created through parasocial interactions (PSI) through mediated encounters with performers through mass media.
Social media offers an added layer of interaction for these relationships to intensify through likes, comments, and direct messaging.
Alief – def. knowing something isn’t real but feeling like it is
Positive Outcomes of Parasocial Relationships
*Identity Formation
performers can offer autonomy in relationships where they can receive total acceptance outside of parents/family.
provide a secure relationship without the fear of rejection.
feeling a part of a group
empathy
*Learning
Bandura’s Social Learning Theory says that social behavior is learning and imitating the behaviors of others.
Shows like Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, Sesame Street, Dora the Explorer, Blue’s Clues, and more recently Bluey all offer kids opportunities to learn through identification with these characters.
Negative Outcomes of Parasocial Relationships
*Body Image
research has indicated a negative relationship between parasocial relationships and body image, as well as self-comparison, social comparison with characters increases negative body image
interestingly among men, having a PSR with a superhero is likely to protect body image, where not having a PSR with a superhero is likely to hurt body image
the usage of filters in social media (like airbrushing in print media) has greatly increased, giving a false reality of performers.
*Aggression
more aggressive viewers were more likely to identify with aggressive characters and create PSR with them.
*General
anxiety media views are more likely to be more invested in parasocial relationships
parasocial relationships are one-sided and different traditional friendships
the whole hegemonic masculinity thing
parasocial breakups and grief “what happens when they ‘betray’ you or they die?” Research indicated this follows the patterns of a relationship breakup
can create bias in reality
Topics of PSR
Taylor Swift “Swifties”, Lizzo “Lizzbeans”
Twitter/Only Fans
Reality TV Stars
Vloggers/Podcast hosts
Fictional Characters
Tiktok
Politicians
Be mindful of the media you are consuming and how that translates into your other relationships and the real world.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. Today’s topic is New Relationship Energy. That euphoric feeling one gets from their glorious new relationship! However, there can be some challenges. From Limerence of monogamy to the NRE of Polyamory, the cubs break down the pros and cons of this addiction to love.
Show Topic
Landscape of Relationships: New Relationship Energy
How many songs can you think of that frame romantic love to addiction?
Dorothy Tennov, psychologist, coined the term limerence in her 1979 book Love and Limerence to describe the phenomenon of the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of beginning a relationship. We also call it having a crush. These feelings are categorized as being intrusive and everything seems to be about this person. We can’t listen to the radio because every song seems to be about them. Everything we see seems to remind us about them. They become the central force of gravity in your life. A black hole of attraction. We have all had it at some time or another….and sometimes it is even reciprocated.
New Relationship Energy (NRE)
Similar to limererance but for individuals in polyamorous relationships to describe and help manage the thoughts and feelings that arise during new relationship among already existing ones. This is helpful to frame especially when feelings of jealousy from other partners are present.
NRE is a hot topic in poly circles because it often comes up.
You know that song “Your Love is a Drug” by Kesha?
She wasn’t lying.
The same chemical reactions that occur neurologically during the limerence phase of a new relationship also occur during crack cocaine addiction. The relationship gives us the all of that feel good dopamine and norepinephrine, but also comes with obsessive thoughts when you are not with that other person…similar to withdrawal. That is because we are experiencing low serotonin production at these times, which satiates us and lets us know “mmmm…..I’m full.” Like Alexander Hamilton, we can never be satisfied in those early months.
Cons of NRE
Hyperfocus on new relationship, neglect other relationships and responsibilities
Increases likelihood of negatively evaluating other partner’s behaviors.
Sometimes questionable behavior that is uncharacteristic (e.g. moving, big purchases)
Overlooking red flags
Pros of NRE
Good feelings
High energy
Increased likelihood to try new things
Community wisdom (you are not alone…there are MANY others who have been there too)
What to do?
Head in the Clouds, Feet on the Floor
Its okay to be feel the good feelings….but be practical.
Don’t make big purchases: ( e.g. sign anything anything over $500 without consulting outside party)
Check In’s with friends and date nights with partners
USE THAT ENERGY IN OTHER RELATIONSHIPS!!!
This, too, shall pass.
Research suggests 6 months to 2 years.
Old Relationship Energy (aka Established Relationship Energy, Existing Relationship Energy)
Mina Beveney Dissertation Kinky POC Research Study
Are you a kinky person of color? You may be eligible to participate in an anonymous online survey about your experiences! This research will amplify and center the voices of kinky people of color, and results may benefit the larger community. Mina Beveney, a doctoral candidate and Black psychotherapist, is seeking participants for a 20 to 30-minute survey that will ask about experiences of racial or ethnic discrimination, sexual self-concept, and coping.
If you are a person of color age 18 or over that has participated in in-person BDSM spaces or contexts in the United States within the past 24 months, please follow this link (https://rebrand.ly/RaceKinkSurvey) to find out more and participate. Participants may choose to enter into a drawing to win a one of four $25 gift cards.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Let’s Talk About… For this episode, the guys talk about love–exciting and new. From feeling romantic vibes to just feeling randy, find out how the cubs feel about finding love, being in love, and what love means to them.
