In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, Damon is on assignment in Detroit, Michigan and will fill us in on his experience in a future episode while Jeff and Gary chat with Edward about what is a chosen family. From our origins to the aunties, cousins, sisters, and brothers we choose, the LGBTQ community has developed its own families. But are they still needed today?
“chosen families are nonbiological kinship bonds, whether legally recognized or not, deliberately chosen for the purpose of mutual support and love.
Families We Choose: Lesbians, Gays, Kinship, cultural anthropologist Kath Weston defines chosen family as consisting of “friends, partners and ex-partners, biological and non-biological children, and others who provide kinship support.”
The term originated within the LGBTQ community and was used to describe early queer gatherings like the Harlem Drag Balls of the late nineteenth century.
Movies like Paris is Burning, shows like Pose as well as RENT highlighted the concept of chosen families
Often times a protective factor against forms of discrimination and violence at home and helps create positive and, hopefully, secure, attachments with others.
Last year, New York City began allowing workers to use paid time off to care for anyone they personally define as family, whether they’re “related by blood or affinity.” In doing so, NYC joined other major metropolises like Chicago, San Francisco, and St. Paul, MN, as well as states like Arizona and Rhode Island, in honoring non-biological kinship.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On episode for the month of June. This time around, the guys talk about butt stuff, and dungeons, and sexual positions and more….Wait, is this an episode of Let’s Talk About Kink? Not really.
What’s Going On?
Jeff: Night Shift & Dragons
Damon: Job News & Colonoscopy & Yesterday
Gary: New Stuff is Rough
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Recent Shows
COL511: WTG – May 2019
FB215: Black Shirt Friday
COL512: What is. . . Pride?
COL513: 50 Years From Now
COL514: Trans Bear Listener
Blog Post:
Name: Howard N
Message: Hey guys. Wanted to write an email. Pride month is coming up and I wanted to talk a little bit about it, if I may. Pride can mean a lot of things to a lot of people, and I know the holiday is more specifically concerning lgbt+ persons, but I wanted to say a little bit about what Pride is to me. My coming out is a little different from regular coming outs, with bits being thing that are the same. I remember being so ashamed of who I am, as my background was heavily influenced by the Christian religion. I remember my first boyfriend, and the way he sat on my bed in my college paid apartment room and stated, “I’m not shy”. And the way I walked toward the bed and sat down and being instantly drawn to be felt against his body as he kissed my forehead. Cut forward a bit, I remember being angry with my mother on the phone after the day I had come out to her when she had come down for a visit. I remember feeling like she no longer understood me after years of being close (I was 20 at the time). Cut forward a bit more to a Kohl’s clothing store. I remember my first ex telling me to stop following him around as we were walking around the store. Cut to nights of feeling heartbroken and being taken advantage of. Cut to following relationships with guys and wanting to find somebody like him and me wanting to find someone I felt comfortable with again cause I no longer felt at home under the same roof with my mom. Cut to my self-hate and resentment at myself for getting so emotionally attached to people that I can’t let go, they hang around like ghosts in my head. Cut to the realization that my self-hate was more than just the fact that I was gay. And cut to me learning about Neurodiversity and autism. And how suicide ideation is more common in autistics who mask their neurology to suit the needs of the many. And to me realizing why I have such a hard time with understanding the dynamics of relationships. Being autistic is a lot like being gay in the fact that you don’t want to come out of the closet, even when everybody can tell there’s something different about you, wrong even. All through school I wanted to be like others so bad. I did weird stupid stuff to try and fit in with the social norms. But there’s a constant anxiety, and as you grow older, the anxiety turns into what’s called a mental illness (meaning you can be so afraid to the point of paranoia). This paranoia comes around particularly with people I like because I want so bad for them to like me and am so afraid of losing. Friends have lost connection, romantic relationships go sour…….I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want to be ashamed of who I am, the way I act and think differently from others, the way I react or my stimming (a term for autistics to explain the things they do to cope with stress). I want to stop being afraid of being social and being taken the wrong way. I take Pride in the fact that I am wired differently. (Btw, the symbol for Neurodiversity is a rainbow infinity)
Email:
Gents,
Thank you all for doing this show. I so greatly respect your willingness to be public and open about your learning and growth; it’s not easy. The trans community is so important to me (a close partner is trans, long story), and I’m always so happy to see continued growth in the acceptance and support of our trans siblings. More learning for me too.
Some thoughts that crossed my mind while listening:
I think Jeff had a great idea; more trans porn! Lots of learning (up close and personal) to be had with more porn. No harm, lots of education, no one feeling under the microscope.
I think a guest on the show to talk more about the trans experience is a great idea. And while I love Hadrian, I feel like despite his breadth of experience (no shade!), it should really be a trans-masculine bear to discuss it in more depth.
A podcast recently came out called Two Headed Girl, where a trans-masculine person discusses a lot of issues around their transition. The two hosts are great. Might not be the kind of focused piece that’s helpful but it’s a wonderfully personal show.
Anyway, just random listener thoughts. Thanks again for keeping me company.
Best,
/Chris G
New comment on your post “COL513: 50 Years Later”
Author: Patrick B. (bostonareabear)
Next on COL – episode 3133 (50 years from now in 2069) We will hear Hadrian read from his latest short story titled “Get off my lawn and get into my Craftmatic Adjustable Bed!”
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, Damon is on assignment in Detroit, Michigan and will fill us in on his experience in a future episode while Jeff and Gary chat with Edward about what is a chosen family. From our origins to the aunties, cousins, sisters, and brothers we choose, the LGBTQ community has developed its own families. But are they still needed today?
