In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another All T, No Shade show. This time around, the topic is Pride and because the cubs have a lot to say about it, this will be a two-parter. In this second part, the cubs break down their views on the ongoing debate of kink at Pride and its inclusion in LGTBQIA+ spaces. From consent to caution, listen in as the guys paddle their way through this hard stop conversation.
Show Topic
ATNS: LGBTQIA+ Pride 2021 – Part 2: Kink
This year for our annual Pride discussion, we have a two-parter – previously we discussed Corporations. Now that we’ve told big business to fuck off with their pandering, let’s piss off even more people with our thoughts on kink being a part of Pride for the LGBTQIA community.
From COL previous guest Perrin on social media:
Perrin
So here’s the thing… cause it apparently needs to be said. Wearing a leash in public harms absolutely no one. It violates no consent.
This discourse reeks of “think of the children” and “no kink at Pride” and I’m not here for this sanitization.
For years these types of excuses were used to actively harm homosexuals, transfolk, and anyone else who didn’t fit the public’s perception of normal. Still to this day, we see people crying foul when anyone dares deviate from that norm.
Okay, y'all. This is going to be a very, very long thread because I am very, very tired of hearing "BDSM requires consent and therefore you Bad Queers should go back in the closet and leave Pride to us Good Clean Queers."
So we're gonna talk history, and we're gonna unpack shit.
— @vaspider.gay on BlueSky (@vaspider) May 27, 2021
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this installment, the cubs share their thoughts on FWBs, otherwise known as friends with benefits. What are the building blocks of this type of relationship and how do you make it work? And, what exactly are the benefits?
Show Topic
Landscape of Relationships: Friends With Benefits
Is a friendship a relationship????
Thoughts?
Many cultures define friendships as a very important relationship
LGBTQ community- “chosen family”
Atlantic 2020 article that discussed the cultural and historical importances of friendships
A set of societal expectations for intimate relationships. Partners follow a set of progressive set of steps, each with clear markers, with a goal in mind.
In 2017, 171 University of Denver students (more women than men) were surveyed on sexual satisfaction, commitment and trust of FWB relationships
Big takeaways? *drumroll please* communication and setting healthy boundaries
They found sexual satisfaction was important but so was sacrificing for the good of the partner, and not looking for the next best thing.
Why? Lots of research is looking at young adults who are in school. Romantic relationships are oftentimes an added stressor that takes away from studying. Some students opt for FWB arrangements to reduce overall stress.
FWBs are supposed to decrease pressure, not add pressure.
You need to be friends in order to call it a FWB. Those take time, trust, shared history, etc.
Must be mutually beneficial and convenient
If the FWB ends, you are allowed to be upset.
“It’s confusing to try to develop friendship founded on a sexual relationship guided by a rule system that has to be invented as you go. Or, when you’re trying to force a friendship so that you can add sex as a benefit, where does the friendship part fit in? That’s putting the benefits before the friendship.”
“Sexual exploration can and often does become a part of an existing friendship between consenting people. Or you may have been in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with this person earlier in your life, but now it’s morphed into a friendship. In such circumstances, the sexual connection may remain, or may be reintroduced. But the common thread is the history between you, the investment you share in the friendship, and the trust that has formed. You recognize that you both enjoy the chemistry, but that you may not be as compatible emotionally as you are sexually. It’s a mutually understood experience. The connection you have as friends determines whether this time in your life and in your relationship is right to be sharing benefits.”
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. This time the guys discuss trust. For this second part, the guys continue their break down of the anatomy of trust. Listen in as the cubs open their vaults and get courageous in the face of judgment. As integral parts of the anatomy, the guys further discuss vulnerability and how it is important to trust with others and themselves.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. This time the guys discuss trust. For this first part, the guys begin to break down the anatomy of trust. From the romantic to the familial, Ed leads the cubs through the initial tenets as they begin to break down what trust truly is.
Show Topic
Landscape of Relationships: Trust
What is trust?
“Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else” – Charles Feldman
“Mistrust is what I shared with you that is important to me is not safe with you.” – Charles Feldman
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke for another Let’s Talk About Sex. For this episode, the cubs “cum” together to discuss ejaculation and orgasms. The first thing to learn is that they are not the same thing. Listen in as Ed breaks it down from the scientific to the emotional and all that’s in between.
Show Topic
Let’s Talk About Sex: Orgasm vs Ejaculation
This topic is going to be super straight forward, y’all….
Orgasm refers to the subjective experience of pleasure associated with ejaculation.
Ejaculation is the process of pushing the seminal fluids out of the verumontanum (“balloon”) inside the prostate through the urethra and out of the penis.
Usually these are experienced at the same time, however they are two different physiological processes.
Basically, ejaculation happens between your legs, and orgasm happens between your ears.
Human Sexual Response Cycle (Kaplan, 1974; Masters & Johnson, 1966)
Desire
Excitement (Arousal)
Plateau
Orgasm/Ejaculation
Satisfaction
The Journey to Ejaculation
Erection (brain, nervous system, vascular system leads to penile rigidity….this process is controlled by the parasympathetic nervous system…think “Point”)
Emission
Collection and transport of fluids that make up semen in preparation for ejaculation. Sperm travels from your testicles through the vas deferens, which meet at the prostate gland with the exiting your bladder to form your urethra tube. The urethra tube runs through the prostate gland and out through the penis. When we get an erection, the exit of the bladder closes (which it is why it is hard to pee in the morning when you have a hard on), your testicles are drawn up against your body, and semen collects in the verumontanum or the “balloon”, which is a balloonlike chamber inside the prostate gland. When someone gets so stimulated to the point of ejaculation, the verumontanum fills with semen to three times its size. The pressure triggers the ejaculatory inevitability sensation and then the reflex of ejaculation. Once we reach this point, there is no turning back, someone could walk in your room with gun’s ablazing, you are still going to shoot your load.
Ejaculation
Ejaculation does completely happen between your legs, your brain is involved too. When a critical level of nerve input from the verumontanum reaches the spinal cord, that triggers the ejaculatory response. The pelvic floor muscles play a role here too in contracting which helps in the pushing out of the semen. (This process is controlled by the sympathetic nervous system….think: s for shoot) Pro-tip: if you want to delay ejaculation, learn some relaxation pelvic floor exercises to use during sex.
What’s going on between our ears when we orgasm?
During sex, the logical part of our brain (the lateral orbitofrontal cortex) shuts down. This is the part of the brain that is responsible for reason, decision making, and value judgements. Also, likely why we might not always make the best choices when we are having sex. We are less likely to experience a decrease of fear and anxiety during this time.
Oxytocin and vasopresin, the “cuddle hormones” are building up, and are released out of the hypothalamus at the point of orgasm with a rush of dopamine, the “the feel good hormone”.
As we are revving up closer to orgasm, the mix of endorphins, oxytocin, and vasopressin, help to make us less sensitive to pain during sex (note to all you kink-folks out there). So, the same areas in our brain that process pleasure ALSO PROCESS PAIN THERE!
After we orgasm, the body releases serotonin, the happy hormones, which can also stimulate a sense to take a nap.
Questions:
What are some common problems men face during sex?
What are some other questions you guys want to ask me?
Final take-aways: Erection is not needed for orgasm; ejaculation is not required for orgasm; ejaculation and orgasm are not required for a positive sexual experience.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another All T, No Shade show. This time around, the topic is Pride and because the cubs have a lot to say about it, this will be a two-parter. In this second part, the cubs break down their views on the ongoing debate of kink at Pride and its inclusion in LGTBQIA+ spaces. From consent to caution, listen in as the guys paddle their way through this hard stop conversation.
