Tag Archives: asexual

COL692: LoR: Sexual Scripts

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke is back as the guys turn the pages on sexual scripts. Follow line by line as Ed and the cubs break down what sexual scripts are, where they come from and what happens when you go “off book.” Editing, improv and flipping the script are not just for the stage anymore!

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Landscape of Relationships: Sexual Scripts

What are sexual scripts?

In 1986, researchers  William Simon and John H. Gagnon defined sexual scripts as the cultural and societally approved norms that a person accesses, agrees upon, and activates through a sexual socialization process.  These sexual scripts are specific to the culture a person is socialized in, which tell them what behaviors, thoughts, emotions are or are not acceptable.  People carry these scripts with them into sexual situations and they tell them how to respond.  Simon and Gagnon theorized that sexual scripts have three different categories, including socio-cultural, interpersonal, and intrapsychic:

Examples of cultural sexual scripts:

  • Dating culture 
  • Premarital sex 
  • Monogamy 
  • Dominance and submission
  • Heteronormative 
  • What else?

Examples of interpersonal sexual scripts:

  • Flirting/sexual negotiation
  • Consent/sexual assault 
  • Top/Bottom
  • What else?

Examples of intrapsychic sexual scripts:

  • Turn ons
  • Fantasy
  • Kinks and fetishes
  • Pleasure
  • Sexual Desire 
  • What else?

Quote from Simon & Gagnon (1986)

In the most pragmatic sense, sexual scripts must solve two problems. The first of these is gaining permission from the self to engage in desired forms of sexual behavior. The second problem is that of access to the experiences that the desired behavior is expected to generate.

What happens when we go off script or improvising?

  • Rejection
  • Non-monogamy/Poly
  • Ace/Aro
  • Relationship anarchy 
  • Sides 
  • Sexual dysfunctions
  • Mental health/Trauma 
  • What else?

What do we do when we are off-script?

Good rules of improv? 

  • Yes, and….
  • Boundaries 
  • Acknowledge
  • Allow
  • Accommodate
  • Appreciate and….
  • Communicate!  (especially your boundaries)

 

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COL669: LoR: Relationship Anarchy

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Damon is away this week celebrating his birthday, but have no fear dear listeners – because Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke has returned! From scripts to relationship values, the guys discuss determining what each of us wants and needs.

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Landscape of Relationships: Relationship Anarchy

Landscape of Relationships is back with Dr. Angelini-Cooke to discuss the topic of Relationship Anarchy. Who doesn’t love disorder in their connections with others? Perhaps that isn’t what it means. Let’s learn together!

Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy post 

The term Relationship anarchist (also commonly called RA) was coined by Ardie Nordgren. Nordgren created the Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy in 2006. The Manifesto is a quick and easy read consisting of 9 principles of RA: 

  1. Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique
  2. Love and respect instead of entitlement 
  3. Find your core set of relationship values
  4. Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don’t let fear lead you
  5. Build for the lovely unexpected
  6. Fake it til’ you make it
  7. Trust is better
  8. Change through communication
  9. Customize your commitments

“Relationship anarchy is a way of approaching relationships that rejects any rules and expectations other than the ones the involved people agree on. This approach ‘encourages people to let their core values guide how they choose and craft their relationship commitments rather than relying on social norms to dictate what is right for you,” Dedeker Winston, co-host of the Multiamory podcast

Relationship Anarchists is different and distinctive from polyamory and consensual non-monogamy because while a majority of RA practitioners may be poly and/or CNM, you can be monogamous and still practice RA.  

Choose your own adventure relationships. “Designer Relationships” by Mark A. Michaels

This is in line with our last LOR topic of amatonormativity. Many ace and aro individuals are using RA as a way to navigate their relationships and future relationships, because RA can apply to any and all types of relationships, not just romantic or sexual. There is no hierarchy.

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COL661: LoR: Queer Platonic Relationships

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss QPRs or Queer Platonic Relationships. QPRs are intimate relationships that are neither romantic nor sexual in nature. Listen in as Ed builds up the fundamentals of this different relationship dynamic and its origins and brings it up to date for modern audiences.

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Landscape of Relationships: Queer Platonic Relationships

Landscape of Relationships returns. Queer platonic relationships are our focus this month when it comes to relationships. QPRs are committed intimate relationships which are neither romantic nor sexual in nature and that differ from close friendship by having the same structure and status as a romantic relationship. The concept originates in aromantic and asexual spaces in the LGBT community. The term has begun to also be used in polyamorous communities to help describe the complex relationships.  The term “queers” social norms for defining relationships, it isn’t a friendship nor is it a romantic relationship.

Asexual (Ace)

  • “Sexual orientation where a person experiences little to no sexual attraction to anyone and/or does not experience desire for sexual contact” (aceandaros.com, 2021)

Aromantic (Aro)

  • “Romantic orientation, which describes people whose experience of romance is disconnected from normative societal expectations, commonly due to experiencing little to no romantic attraction, but also due to feeling repulsed by romance, or being uninterested in romantic relationships.” (AUREA FAQ on Aromanticism.org, 2021).  

Allosexual 

  • “Describes people who are not on the asexual spectrum. They can have any romantic orientation, including aromantic” (TAAAP.org, 2021).  

Alloromantic

  • “Described people who are not on the aromantic spectrum. They have any sexual orientation, including asexual” (TAAAP.org, 2001).

Historically speaking , QPR has been described as an “ancient practice made new again”. 

  • Boston MarriagesA Boston marriage was one in which two independent women chose to build a life and a household together, rather than marrying. 
  • Romantic FriendshipsClose but often times non-sexual relationship. Used primarily in historical contexts (e.g. Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens; Abraham Lincoln and Joshua Speed).

Zucchini 

  • Term of endearment used to describe a queerplatonic partner.  
  • Also, “squish” has been used to describe a non-romantic crush.

Amatonormativity (Elizabeth Brake)

  • The idea that everyone needs to be in a romantic relationship 
  • Hallmark movies 
  • Laws surrounding marriage 
  • Chosen families 

Other Resources

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COL654: LTAS: Awakening

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another installment of Let’s Talk About Sex. For this episode, the cubs go way back and discuss their sexual awakenings. Whether it was their first time or their best time, the guys reminisce on that joyous time they discovered themselves as sexual beings. From the birds to the bees, listen in as they share their moments when they figured out what’s going on down there.

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Lets Talk About Sex: Awakening

The hosts discuss when they discovered personal sexual awakenings many years ago. 

Urban Dictionary lists Sexual Awakening as: The first time in a person’s life in which they experience a euphoric feeling and desire to be physically intimate with someone.

Sexual Awakening can be defined as when you finally become one with your original essence, your primal energy, and you know your sexual organs.

 

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COL529: LTAS: Incels

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another Let’s Talk About Sex. The guys are joined by Drew to learn more about Incels-or involuntary celibates. From its beginnings as a website to an online subculture and involvement in some criminal activity, the guys dissect this unfamiliar subject.

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LTAS: Incels

  • Incels, a portmanteau of “involuntary celibates”, are members of an online subculture who define themselves as unable to find a romantic or sexual partner despite desiring one, a state they describe as inceldom.
  • For more info, check out the Wikipedia post re: Inceldom

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