In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined by BuilTABear, another trans listener who, after hearing COL514, shared his feedback and brought some perspective that may not have been touched on at that time 4 years ago. The cubs revisit the topic of trans identity and the bear community while also getting to learn more about BuilTABear’s upcoming projects regarding the older trans community.
Show Topic
Trans Bear Listener 2
In the summer of 2019, we did an interview with listener Trans Bear, or T-bear, to discuss previous episodes where we here and there touched on transness in the broader bear community. In 15 years of the podcast, our understanding of being trans has evolved. True to our nature, we’re excited to come back to this topic with another listener that reached out to us with feedback on episode COL514 from almost 4 years ago amongst others. Thank you BuilTABear for joining us!
What was discovering you’re Trans like?
What has your experience been so far with self-image, coming out to family, friends, co-workers?
How has the Bear community responded to you in general/specifically?
The NEW podcast series OG Transmen: Life After Transition
New Facebook business page: BUILTABEAR PRODUCTIONS
Designed to be an information / networking hub for trans guys
There will be links to relevant articles, any trans producer podcasts, resource page links, trans guy product reviews, trans guy / LGBTQ merchandise, and whatever else comes up…
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another installment of Let’s Talk About Sex. For this episode, the cubs go way back and discuss their sexual awakenings. Whether it was their first time or their best time, the guys reminisce on that joyous time they discovered themselves as sexual beings. From the birds to the bees, listen in as they share their moments when they figured out what’s going on down there.
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Lets Talk About Sex: Awakening
The hosts discuss when they discovered personal sexual awakenings many years ago.
Urban Dictionary lists Sexual Awakening as: The first time in a person’s life in which they experience a euphoric feeling and desire to be physically intimate with someone.
Sexual Awakening can be defined as when you finally become one with your original essence, your primal energy, and you know your sexual organs.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another installment of Let’s Talk About Sex. This time around, the cubs (sans Jeff) get into the spooky season with some sex horror stories. From bathrooms to bathhouses, the guys share their bad hookups while also giving advice on safer consensual practices to hopefully soften the blow of your next sex slip up.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. Today’s topic is New Relationship Energy. That euphoric feeling one gets from their glorious new relationship! However, there can be some challenges. From Limerence of monogamy to the NRE of Polyamory, the cubs break down the pros and cons of this addiction to love.
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Landscape of Relationships: New Relationship Energy
How many songs can you think of that frame romantic love to addiction?
Dorothy Tennov, psychologist, coined the term limerence in her 1979 book Love and Limerence to describe the phenomenon of the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of beginning a relationship. We also call it having a crush. These feelings are categorized as being intrusive and everything seems to be about this person. We can’t listen to the radio because every song seems to be about them. Everything we see seems to remind us about them. They become the central force of gravity in your life. A black hole of attraction. We have all had it at some time or another….and sometimes it is even reciprocated.
New Relationship Energy (NRE)
Similar to limererance but for individuals in polyamorous relationships to describe and help manage the thoughts and feelings that arise during new relationship among already existing ones. This is helpful to frame especially when feelings of jealousy from other partners are present.
NRE is a hot topic in poly circles because it often comes up.
You know that song “Your Love is a Drug” by Kesha?
She wasn’t lying.
The same chemical reactions that occur neurologically during the limerence phase of a new relationship also occur during crack cocaine addiction. The relationship gives us the all of that feel good dopamine and norepinephrine, but also comes with obsessive thoughts when you are not with that other person…similar to withdrawal. That is because we are experiencing low serotonin production at these times, which satiates us and lets us know “mmmm…..I’m full.” Like Alexander Hamilton, we can never be satisfied in those early months.
Cons of NRE
Hyperfocus on new relationship, neglect other relationships and responsibilities
Increases likelihood of negatively evaluating other partner’s behaviors.
Sometimes questionable behavior that is uncharacteristic (e.g. moving, big purchases)
Overlooking red flags
Pros of NRE
Good feelings
High energy
Increased likelihood to try new things
Community wisdom (you are not alone…there are MANY others who have been there too)
What to do?
Head in the Clouds, Feet on the Floor
Its okay to be feel the good feelings….but be practical.
Don’t make big purchases: ( e.g. sign anything anything over $500 without consulting outside party)
Check In’s with friends and date nights with partners
USE THAT ENERGY IN OTHER RELATIONSHIPS!!!
This, too, shall pass.
Research suggests 6 months to 2 years.
Old Relationship Energy (aka Established Relationship Energy, Existing Relationship Energy)
Mina Beveney Dissertation Kinky POC Research Study
Are you a kinky person of color? You may be eligible to participate in an anonymous online survey about your experiences! This research will amplify and center the voices of kinky people of color, and results may benefit the larger community. Mina Beveney, a doctoral candidate and Black psychotherapist, is seeking participants for a 20 to 30-minute survey that will ask about experiences of racial or ethnic discrimination, sexual self-concept, and coping.
If you are a person of color age 18 or over that has participated in in-person BDSM spaces or contexts in the United States within the past 24 months, please follow this link (https://rebrand.ly/RaceKinkSurvey) to find out more and participate. Participants may choose to enter into a drawing to win a one of four $25 gift cards.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke for another Let’s Talk About Sex. For this episode, the cubs “cum” together to discuss ejaculation and orgasms. The first thing to learn is that they are not the same thing. Listen in as Ed breaks it down from the scientific to the emotional and all that’s in between.
Show Topic
Let’s Talk About Sex: Orgasm vs Ejaculation
This topic is going to be super straight forward, y’all….
Orgasm refers to the subjective experience of pleasure associated with ejaculation.
Ejaculation is the process of pushing the seminal fluids out of the verumontanum (“balloon”) inside the prostate through the urethra and out of the penis.
Usually these are experienced at the same time, however they are two different physiological processes.
Basically, ejaculation happens between your legs, and orgasm happens between your ears.
Human Sexual Response Cycle (Kaplan, 1974; Masters & Johnson, 1966)
Desire
Excitement (Arousal)
Plateau
Orgasm/Ejaculation
Satisfaction
The Journey to Ejaculation
Erection (brain, nervous system, vascular system leads to penile rigidity….this process is controlled by the parasympathetic nervous system…think “Point”)
Emission
Collection and transport of fluids that make up semen in preparation for ejaculation. Sperm travels from your testicles through the vas deferens, which meet at the prostate gland with the exiting your bladder to form your urethra tube. The urethra tube runs through the prostate gland and out through the penis. When we get an erection, the exit of the bladder closes (which it is why it is hard to pee in the morning when you have a hard on), your testicles are drawn up against your body, and semen collects in the verumontanum or the “balloon”, which is a balloonlike chamber inside the prostate gland. When someone gets so stimulated to the point of ejaculation, the verumontanum fills with semen to three times its size. The pressure triggers the ejaculatory inevitability sensation and then the reflex of ejaculation. Once we reach this point, there is no turning back, someone could walk in your room with gun’s ablazing, you are still going to shoot your load.
Ejaculation
Ejaculation does completely happen between your legs, your brain is involved too. When a critical level of nerve input from the verumontanum reaches the spinal cord, that triggers the ejaculatory response. The pelvic floor muscles play a role here too in contracting which helps in the pushing out of the semen. (This process is controlled by the sympathetic nervous system….think: s for shoot) Pro-tip: if you want to delay ejaculation, learn some relaxation pelvic floor exercises to use during sex.
What’s going on between our ears when we orgasm?
During sex, the logical part of our brain (the lateral orbitofrontal cortex) shuts down. This is the part of the brain that is responsible for reason, decision making, and value judgements. Also, likely why we might not always make the best choices when we are having sex. We are less likely to experience a decrease of fear and anxiety during this time.
Oxytocin and vasopresin, the “cuddle hormones” are building up, and are released out of the hypothalamus at the point of orgasm with a rush of dopamine, the “the feel good hormone”.
As we are revving up closer to orgasm, the mix of endorphins, oxytocin, and vasopressin, help to make us less sensitive to pain during sex (note to all you kink-folks out there). So, the same areas in our brain that process pleasure ALSO PROCESS PAIN THERE!
After we orgasm, the body releases serotonin, the happy hormones, which can also stimulate a sense to take a nap.
Questions:
What are some common problems men face during sex?
What are some other questions you guys want to ask me?
Final take-aways: Erection is not needed for orgasm; ejaculation is not required for orgasm; ejaculation and orgasm are not required for a positive sexual experience.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined by BuilTABear, another trans listener who, after hearing COL514, shared his feedback and brought some perspective that may not have been touched on at that time 4 years ago. The cubs revisit the topic of trans identity and the bear community while also getting to learn more about BuilTABear’s upcoming projects regarding the older trans community.
