In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, Let’s Talk About Sex!  The guys are joined by resident Sex Therapist Edward Angelini-Cooke to discuss “sides”. You know of tops, bottoms, and versatiles; but do you know about sides? Listen in as the cubs define this role in the MSM community and what it means in the sexual spectrum.

Show Topic

Sides 

• Definition?

Joe Kort developed the term in 2013 after not engaging in anal intercourse and feeling frustrated answering the “top or bottom” question.  “Can I be a side?”

A side is typically a man who has sex with another man (MSM) who does not engage in anal intercourse or penetration as it is not part of their erotic orientation.  Erotic orientation reflects your sexual fantasies, desires, and sexual behaviors.  

Self-labels (labels used to describe anal sex behaviors….or does it):

• Top 
• Bottom 
• Versatile 
  • What if you don’t fit into any of those groups?  shame…guilt….FOMO…et al. 
• Sides 

Articles:

• Guys on the Side: Looking Beyond Gay Tops and Bottoms (First mention of Sides, 2013, Joe Kort) 
• I’m a side: banish butthole binaries with me (2017, Joe Kort)
• What is a Side: Guys who just aren’t into bottoming or topping (2018, Joe Kort)
• Not a top, bottom, or verse: are you a side? (2018, Barry Birkholz)
• Side Guys: Thinking Beyond Gay Male Tops and Bottoms (2020, Joe Kort)

Videos: Barry Birkholz

• Not everyone is Top or Bottom

• The Most Under-rated type of Gay Sex

Book: Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment 

Podcast: Smart Sex, Smart Love: Episode 50 Side Guys

• Awareness?
  • Side Guys Facebook Group  (currently 323 members)
  • Many different presentations of sides 
  • Sex is not just penetration 
  • Navigating conversations about being a “side” 
  • Inclusive language verse exclusive language 
• Acceptance?

Backlash from gay community…

• Interest?

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