In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of November. As the guys end the month of thanks, they find themselves with not a lot to be thankful for. It’s been a month of ups and downs, so listen in as the cubs share their goings-ons as we close out on the year.
Feedback
COL719 comments and more: Hey Guys, I hate to be complaining, but am sending this email in case if you are unaware. I downloaded COL 719 and sadly could not hear Jeff speak at all. I could hear Gary and background music. I went to look at youtube today and it seems to be operating the same way. I’ve listened to quite a few podcasts where Jeff’s volume was very low and hard to hear, while all the other guys were ok. COL 719 is the first that I recall not hearing Jeff at all. Just wanted to let you know. – MTNB
Advice: Hi I’m ace(he/him) and only recently started watching the podcast and found it interesting. I’m a trans guy living in the south and I’m still pre-transition and not out to everyone (mainly cause of fear of judgement). so any advice on how to let people know without saying it straight up – AR
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Patreon Updates
BIG BEAR CUB HUGS to our Patrons:
Cubsters: Charles W., Daniel C., and Michael K.
Ubehrs: Dave T., Li, Michael Q, and Tim S.
plus our Buddies: Hadrian, Lloyd G. and Michael V!
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of March. The cubs are a little late this month, but with the ever changing weather and downright procrastination, who could blame them? From D&D to ONYX, listen in as the guys bring you up to speed on the first month of spring.
What’s Going On?
Jeff: Procrastination to RTO
Damon: D&D & ONYX
Gary: Yet again, unpredictable weather
Feedback
Facebook Likes:
Gary Nicholas Pertoso
Scott Merrick
Howard Naong
Bill Zanowitz
Chuck Brewster
Mark Montgomery
AC Adam
Khari Onyx
Jed Bear Thomson
Timmy Crawford
YouTube Comment:
COL639: LTAF: The Bacon Episode: Bobby Miller – “Ha Guys. Great subject BACON!!!!!” “Bacon favor Lube (NO !!!!)”
COL640: LoR: Chosen Family: dindin mooshi – “chosen Family is a privileged concept. I think of as a (remote) support group based on choice, circumstance, and shared interests, it is very difficult to make one, and sustain it. This a very difficult subject as people don’t know how to value family, friends, acquaintances, etc..”
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Patreon Updates
Welcome our newest Patrons, Michael Vaughn & Zack Baker who joined us at the Buddy level in February!
BIG BEAR CUB HUGS to our Patrons!
Cubsters: Charles W.
Ubehrs: Dave T., Li, Michael Q, and Tim S.
plus our Buddies: Lloyd G., Michael V, and Zack B.
Michael Q joined Patreon 3/14/18, as our second Patron four years ago.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another All T, No Shade show. For this episode, the guys debate regarding the recent news regarding Disney and its original silence then missteps regarding the “Don’t Say Gay” Bill in Florida, due to be signed into law in July 2022. As a beloved international corporation, what happens when it steps into a pile of political crap? Can and should the LGBTQ+ community continue to support their business when they once again reveal they are not as supportive back? Can the House of Mouse fix their LGBTQ+ problem? The cubs share their thoughts and opinions on this and more in this heated discussion.
Show Topic
ATNS: The Disney Conundrum
The challenge of when an international corporation with multiple loved IPs steps into a pile of political crap. Can the House of Mouse fix their LGBTQ+ problem? Can we support the land where dreams come true when villains threaten to destroy the world we live actually in?
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to discuss the landscape of relationships. In this fourth installment, Edward and the cubs break down the complicated emotion of jealousy and how it affects romantic and other relationships. Is jealousy truly a green-eyed monster or just simply misunderstood?
Show Topic
The Landscape of Relationships – Jealousy
Jealousy Quotes
“Beware….of jealousy! It is the green-eyed monster, which doth mock/The meat it feeds on.”-Iago, Othello, William Shakespeare
“Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.” – Maya Angelou
“Jealousy is not a barometer by which the depth of love can be read, it merely records the degree of the lover’s insecurity.” – Margaret Mead
Cognitive Triangle
Emotions
Emotions are needed for survival
Universally accepted expressions of feelings
Notice there are more “negative emotions” than “positive emotions”….why?
Complex Emotions
examples : Grief, Regret, Jealousy, Envy
Complex emotions include various emotional states (e.g. grief is the one we are most familiar with….Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance). Freud’s model of Jealousy includes four major components: Grief (pain of losing a relationship), Realization (we can’t have everything we want), Enmity (towards the “winner” of affection/attention), and Anger towards ourselves that we are not good enough.
Complex emotions vary based on the person, situation, and culture….therefore, we can not rely on universally accepted facial expression.
Jealousy
What is it? Jealousy is a complex emotion that includes feelings of anger, sadness, fear. Typically experienced when a person experienced a threat to a relationship.
DISCLAIMER: This feeling is not only reserved for romantic relationships. We can have feelings of jealousy in familial, work, and friend relationships.
Is it normal? Absolutely. Evolutionary scientists have shown that animals, such as dogs, experience jealousy. It is a necessary emotion in order to preserve social bonds. While it may be normal, it may not be helpful.
People who experience jealousy in relationships, not shockingly, report decreased relationship satisfaction.
Why am I feeling Jealous? Research suggests that low self-esteem, possessiveness over others, high neuroticism , fear of abandonment are predictors of jealousy.
Suspicious jealous-feeling stimulated by a thought or a feeling….this is typically due to an attachment trauma, self-conscious, low self esteem.
Reactive jealousy-feeling stimulated by an actual event or triggers. (Second Life study)
What Do We Do?
Work on yourself first….
What is your relationship with jealousy? Do you have a pattern of jealousy in your life? How intense?
What are you feeling (angry, sad, or afraid)?
What evidence do we have? What am I thinking about?
Why am I feeling this way? Am I envious? At whom or what?
How am I experiencing this physically? If I feel tense, can I relax?
Notice that your thoughts and emotions shift and change….this isn’t going to last forever.
Once you do this….then we can talk to our partner.
Communicate with your partner your feelings. Recognize that jealousy isn’t a bad thing. Discuss boundaries.
If your partner is the one who is jealous….
Listen to them….completely (Mantra: Just Shut Up and Listen!)
Don’t respond
Reflect back what you are hearing
Practice empathy
Recognize that the jealous says more about them than it does about you.
Addressing your Jealousy
Refer to The Jealousy Workbook Chapter 17 through the end
Buddhism, mindfulness, meditation, attachment
Eye Movement, Desensitization, and Reprocessing (EMDR)
Positive affirmations
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) CBT therapy that disects thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Compersion
Combination of pleasant feelings and thoughts towards your partner when they are in a positive romantic relationship with someone else.
Turning jealousy into compersion….finding neutrality. Increase empathy. Look through their eyes.
Constriction to expansion.
Exclusion, abandonment, and deprivation to belonging, autonomy, and responsibility.
Review:
Jealousy is a normal emotion, but not always helpful.
Listen to what jealousy is telling you as the person experiencing it or the person receiving it.
Don’t avoid that you are on the ride.
Communicate
If you feel you suffer from anxious attachment, talking to someone is helpful.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On episode for the month of June. This time around, the guys talk about butt stuff, and dungeons, and sexual positions and more….Wait, is this an episode of Let’s Talk About Kink? Not really.
What’s Going On?
Jeff: Night Shift & Dragons
Damon: Job News & Colonoscopy & Yesterday
Gary: New Stuff is Rough
Feedback:
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Steven Maxwell
สามารถ สมาธาร [Thai – Able to Stream]
Anwar Lordsire
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bronparty
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Recent Shows
COL511: WTG – May 2019
FB215: Black Shirt Friday
COL512: What is. . . Pride?
COL513: 50 Years From Now
COL514: Trans Bear Listener
Blog Post:
Name: Howard N
Message: Hey guys. Wanted to write an email. Pride month is coming up and I wanted to talk a little bit about it, if I may. Pride can mean a lot of things to a lot of people, and I know the holiday is more specifically concerning lgbt+ persons, but I wanted to say a little bit about what Pride is to me. My coming out is a little different from regular coming outs, with bits being thing that are the same. I remember being so ashamed of who I am, as my background was heavily influenced by the Christian religion. I remember my first boyfriend, and the way he sat on my bed in my college paid apartment room and stated, “I’m not shy”. And the way I walked toward the bed and sat down and being instantly drawn to be felt against his body as he kissed my forehead. Cut forward a bit, I remember being angry with my mother on the phone after the day I had come out to her when she had come down for a visit. I remember feeling like she no longer understood me after years of being close (I was 20 at the time). Cut forward a bit more to a Kohl’s clothing store. I remember my first ex telling me to stop following him around as we were walking around the store. Cut to nights of feeling heartbroken and being taken advantage of. Cut to following relationships with guys and wanting to find somebody like him and me wanting to find someone I felt comfortable with again cause I no longer felt at home under the same roof with my mom. Cut to my self-hate and resentment at myself for getting so emotionally attached to people that I can’t let go, they hang around like ghosts in my head. Cut to the realization that my self-hate was more than just the fact that I was gay. And cut to me learning about Neurodiversity and autism. And how suicide ideation is more common in autistics who mask their neurology to suit the needs of the many. And to me realizing why I have such a hard time with understanding the dynamics of relationships. Being autistic is a lot like being gay in the fact that you don’t want to come out of the closet, even when everybody can tell there’s something different about you, wrong even. All through school I wanted to be like others so bad. I did weird stupid stuff to try and fit in with the social norms. But there’s a constant anxiety, and as you grow older, the anxiety turns into what’s called a mental illness (meaning you can be so afraid to the point of paranoia). This paranoia comes around particularly with people I like because I want so bad for them to like me and am so afraid of losing. Friends have lost connection, romantic relationships go sour…….I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want to be ashamed of who I am, the way I act and think differently from others, the way I react or my stimming (a term for autistics to explain the things they do to cope with stress). I want to stop being afraid of being social and being taken the wrong way. I take Pride in the fact that I am wired differently. (Btw, the symbol for Neurodiversity is a rainbow infinity)
Email:
Gents,
Thank you all for doing this show. I so greatly respect your willingness to be public and open about your learning and growth; it’s not easy. The trans community is so important to me (a close partner is trans, long story), and I’m always so happy to see continued growth in the acceptance and support of our trans siblings. More learning for me too.
Some thoughts that crossed my mind while listening:
I think Jeff had a great idea; more trans porn! Lots of learning (up close and personal) to be had with more porn. No harm, lots of education, no one feeling under the microscope.
I think a guest on the show to talk more about the trans experience is a great idea. And while I love Hadrian, I feel like despite his breadth of experience (no shade!), it should really be a trans-masculine bear to discuss it in more depth.
A podcast recently came out called Two Headed Girl, where a trans-masculine person discusses a lot of issues around their transition. The two hosts are great. Might not be the kind of focused piece that’s helpful but it’s a wonderfully personal show.
Anyway, just random listener thoughts. Thanks again for keeping me company.
Best,
/Chris G
New comment on your post “COL513: 50 Years Later”
Author: Patrick B. (bostonareabear)
Next on COL – episode 3133 (50 years from now in 2069) We will hear Hadrian read from his latest short story titled “Get off my lawn and get into my Craftmatic Adjustable Bed!”
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of November. As the guys end the month of thanks, they find themselves with not a lot to be thankful for. It’s been a month of ups and downs, so listen in as the cubs share their goings-ons as we close out on the year.
