In this episode of COL Drag Race ‘T-Time’, Gary and Damon have a seat as the All Stars give us daytime talk show realness! With frank discussions and clashing charms, listen in as the guys get editorial on the queens’ roundtables and fashion.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this one, the guys continue the discussion from COL604 about apologies and move on to forgiveness. What is forgiveness? After apologizing, should you ask for forgiveness? Are there any benefits to forgiving someone? The cubs give their answers to these questions and more.
Show Topic
Landscape of Relationships: Forgiveness
Last time we talked about apologies, and we started to talk about the process of forgiveness and how that can relate to the apology process.
According to the 5 languages of apologies, requesting forgiveness is the last language….and I disagree. I don’t think it is fair to request, assume, or expect someone to forgive you. The responsibility lies on the person hearing the apology whether or not they want to forgive the situation….because at the end of the day, it isn’t really about that other person….it is about them.
So what is forgiveness?
“Forgiveness” is the act or process of forgiving or being forgiven. And “forgive” means to end the resentment or anger felt towards another person, situation, or think for an offense, flaw, or mistake.
Cultural idea that forgiveness is one of the greatest of virtues, the highest form of love, and necessity for good mental and physical health. This view says that forgiveness helps reduce stress, blood pressure, lowering risk of heart attacks, and other mental health concerns such as depression and anxiety.
Studies have indicated that the benefits of forgiveness include lowered cholesterol, decreased risk of heart attacks, and other mental health concerns such as anxiety and depression.
The problem with this model is that it gives the idea that forgiveness is the only path and if you don’t forgive an unapologetic person, then you are somehow less spiritual and more inclined to physical and emotional problems. Rushing to forgive can have its own costs as psychologist Janis Abraahms Springs believes.
In “Why Won’t You Apologize”, Harriet Lerner mentions that many of her clients are not necessarily looking to forgive someone but rather to be rid of the anger, bitterness, resentment, and pain. They want to let go. We don’t have to forgive in order to let go. While for some people, seeking to forgive others may be the goal and an important part of their spiritual journey. That is called radical forgiveness. Studies indicate that forgiveness is important to a successful relationship.
To go back to the health benefits of forgiveness…it is more the act of letting go of what you can’t control that is the most healing.
Apologies should never be forced, demanded, or commanded. “It’s been twenty years, why can’t you forgive him?”
Forgiveness also isn’t all-or-nothing. We can forgive someone 95 percent to 2 percent or anywhere in between. It is up to you. And that is powerful.
Also….lets not forget self-forgiveness or self-compassion. We are oftentimes our own worst enemy. We need forgiveness just as much as other people….if not more.
Final thing: You do not need to forgive a person who has hurt you in order to free yourself from the pain of negative emotions. And it is no one else’s job to tell you to forgive…or not to.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another All T, No Shade show. This time around, the topic is Pride and because the cubs have a lot to say about it, this will be a two-parter. In this second part, the cubs break down their views on the ongoing debate of kink at Pride and its inclusion in LGTBQIA+ spaces. From consent to caution, listen in as the guys paddle their way through this hard stop conversation.
Show Topic
ATNS: LGBTQIA+ Pride 2021 – Part 2: Kink
This year for our annual Pride discussion, we have a two-parter – previously we discussed Corporations. Now that we’ve told big business to fuck off with their pandering, let’s piss off even more people with our thoughts on kink being a part of Pride for the LGBTQIA community.
From COL previous guest Perrin on social media:
Perrin
So here’s the thing… cause it apparently needs to be said. Wearing a leash in public harms absolutely no one. It violates no consent.
This discourse reeks of “think of the children” and “no kink at Pride” and I’m not here for this sanitization.
For years these types of excuses were used to actively harm homosexuals, transfolk, and anyone else who didn’t fit the public’s perception of normal. Still to this day, we see people crying foul when anyone dares deviate from that norm.
Okay, y'all. This is going to be a very, very long thread because I am very, very tired of hearing "BDSM requires consent and therefore you Bad Queers should go back in the closet and leave Pride to us Good Clean Queers."
So we're gonna talk history, and we're gonna unpack shit.
— @vaspider.gay on BlueSky (@vaspider) May 27, 2021
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. This time the guys discuss trust. For this first part, the guys begin to break down the anatomy of trust. From the romantic to the familial, Ed leads the cubs through the initial tenets as they begin to break down what trust truly is.
Show Topic
Landscape of Relationships: Trust
What is trust?
“Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else” – Charles Feldman
“Mistrust is what I shared with you that is important to me is not safe with you.” – Charles Feldman
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, Let’s Talk About Sex! The guys are joined by resident Sex Therapist Edward Angelini-Cooke to discuss “sides”. You know of tops, bottoms, and versatiles; but do you know about sides? Listen in as the cubs define this role in the MSM community and what it means in the sexual spectrum.
Show Topic
Sides
Definition?
Joe Kort developed the term in 2013 after not engaging in anal intercourse and feeling frustrated answering the “top or bottom” question. “Can I be a side?”
A side is typically a man who has sex with another man (MSM) who does not engage in anal intercourse or penetration as it is not part of their erotic orientation. Erotic orientation reflects your sexual fantasies, desires, and sexual behaviors.
Self-labels (labels used to describe anal sex behaviors….or does it):
Top
Bottom
Versatile
What if you don’t fit into any of those groups? shame…guilt….FOMO…et al.
In this episode of COL Drag Race ‘T-Time’, Gary and Damon have a seat as the All Stars give us daytime talk show realness! With frank discussions and clashing charms, listen in as the guys get editorial on the queens’ roundtables and fashion.
