Tag Archives: connection

COL546: LTA. . . COVID-19

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined by Tony (Cubziz) to get a little kinky…Actually, no. In light of recent events, the cubs get together to discuss COVID-19 and the effects it is having on bear runs and other social gatherings. As government regulations are being put in place to help lessen risk, events are being cancelled or postponed left and right. Listen in as the cubs share their thoughts on how these social distancing tactics are affecting our communities.

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Let’s Talk About – COVID-19

 

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COL540: The Landscape of Relationships – Part 2

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke for an in depth discussion on relationships. For this second part, the guys delve into boundaries and rules. With Edward’s help, the cubs discuss the similarities and differences between these two terms, how they relate to each person and those involved in the relationship, and also discord on the potential minefield of expectations. How do we set our boundaries? Are expectations a good or a bad thing? What’s on your relationship checklist? The guys hash out these questions and more.

Show Topic

The Landscape of Relationships – Boundaries and Rules

Boundaries (“I Will/I Won’t”) v. Rules/Agreements/Expectations (“You/We Won’t”)

  • debated topic within relationship communities 
  • Is this a rule or a boundary?
    • Boundary as skin metaphor (protects us from bacteria, allows the good stuff in and sweats the bad stuff out, elastic with limitations [you can break skin], boundaries are about me
    • Rules are about us and you, jealousy, usually some form of control 
  • Pros and Cons of Rules 
    • Pros:
      • Contracts 
      • Establishing or Re-establishing solid foundation of connection and intimacy
      • Conditional…not unilateral or controlling
      • Spoken
    • Cons:
      • Can be Controlling
      • Can be rigid and unhealthy
      • Can be Set up to be broken 
      • Unspoken
  • Agreements are similar to the idea of a relationship contract or vows 
  • Expectations are resentments waiting to happen

Kinds of Personal Boundaries 

  • Emotional 
    • Example: Don’t go to the hardware store for bread
  • Physical
    • Examples: allergies, personal bubble, DON’T COME INTO MY ROOM, MOM!!!!
  • Time
    • Examples: don’t make plans within 24 hours, I have office hours on Tuesdays
  • Sexual
    • Examples: Consent, Refer to checklist
  • Intellectual 
    • Examples: Agree to disagree, awareness of who and what you are talking about 
  • Material 
    • Examples: Don’t lend out money, I need that sling back by Friday etc

Open-Relationship Checklist 

  • Fill this out separately for you, not your partner 
    • Find out your boundaries first THEN discuss your partner’s THEN discuss how they overlap or don’t overlap

Review:

  • Communication 
  • Boundaries are like skin 
  • You Don’t Have to Be In an Open Relationship to Discuss Boundaries!!!!!

Books:

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COL517: What is…Self-Hatred?

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys present their next installment of the “What is…” series. After COL508, where the cubs talked about self-love, this time they’re talking about the opposite: self-hatred.  What does self-hate involve? Can you truly love yourself and still knock other people down?

Show Topic

What is…Self-Hatred?

  • Discussion of what ‘Self-Hatred’ encompasses. Does the LGB community truly hate itself? Are our own micro aggressions ways of inflicting self-hatred? Can we talk about ‘love’ and still beat ourselves and others down? And what if you just don’t care? Is that self-hatred?

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COL514: Trans Bear Listener

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys review some recent feedback from one of their newest audience members. This trans bear listener addresses some concerns after reviewing some of our past episodes and the comments we made. As Pride Month comes to a close, listen as the guys discuss these concerns and discuss their growth as they try to become allies to the transgender community.

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Trans Bear Listener – we talk about an email we received earlier this summer, how we feel when it comes to being an ally to trans individuals, and owning where we are today.

Hello,

New listener here, and I’d like to start off by saying sorry if this message is kinda long and rambling, I’m sure I’m mostly gonna stream of consciousness write it.

I listened to all your most recent episodes that are accessable via Google Podcasts; then I thought I should Google your podcast + Transgender, because I’ve had a couple experiences of enjoying a Thing ™️, only to find out that the people that produce it have said some really offensive stuff about trans folks. So I happy to discover that you had some episodes tagged as transgender on your site, so I could listen and get the tea. I listened to a few of them, but then for some reason your website stopped playing them, unclear if it was my phone or your site, or what, but I think I heard all the important bits.

I don’t want this to come across as a dressing down or anything like that, I really just want to educate. Mostly I wanna call back to some stuff I heard in COL388: Entourage Feedback, and COL474/475: Bear World Weekend, as well as share some of my own stories.

Most of what you guys said in 388 was on the better side of things I’ve heard, but one of the things that stood out to me was the use of the term “female genitalia”, obviously I don’t speak for all of the trans community, but one thing that holds true for me, and most trans people I know would prefer if you didn’t say things like that. To put it in the slogan-y terms, “it’s not female genitalia, I’m a man and it’s mine”, a better way to talk about it would be someone who has not had surgery, or someone with their original parts. And like tips and hints for guys who are interested in trans guys, even though you guys basically said you aren’t, just ask what he wants his junk called; obviously there’s like the most famous trans man  porn star who calls himself “a man with a pussy” but I know if you use that term with me it’s gonna be an instant turn off, I don’t want feminine terms for myself, it instantly makes me feel unsexy, but some trans guys will be totally fine with it, so best just to all whoever you’re with.

The other thing that stuck out to me in that episode was someone, sorry I don’t recall who, said they couldn’t even picture playing with a trans guy who had had bottom surgery, even if they were attracted to him, and that personally I don’t get. I haven’t had surgery, I don’t ever want to force anyone to have sex with me who doesn’t want to, and like as long as someone doesn’t go out of their way to be a fuck-stick, to call me disgusting or tell me that I’m not allowed in gay spaces or anything like that, it’s ok with me that someone may not be interested because if the equipment I’ve got. But if someone would have sex with the exact same cis dude but wouldn’t with that guys who has had bottom surgery I’m not understanding, since there are definitely trans guys that you can’t tell at all, at least until they cum.

In the episodes 474/475 it was neat to hear about the gender neutral contests, it sounded like it would also be acceptable for a trans man to compete in the Mr. Best contest, but I wanted to verify because having Cub be gender neutral is great, but the idea of mandating that trans men couldn’t compete in Mr. Bear or trans women couldn’t compete in Ms. Bear sounds bad. But also that’s not what it sounded like was happening, it just sounded like the trans man happened to be competing for Cub not that he wasn’t allowed to compete for Mr. Bear.

Anyhow, I was wondering if you’d ever thought about/sought out a trans bear to have as a guest on your show to talk about any of that?

Also in episode 388 it got brought up how important cock is to some of you. Again, that’s fine, so long as someone isn’t a total asshole to me I’m not gonna be upset over that being the case but I do have some interesting stories to tell over that. I’m a big big bear chub, or rather should probably say a big chubby pocket bear, pretty hairy, bearded, 5’7, over 300 pounds. So I know the types of guys I attract (and the types I’m into) but quite a few times I’ve had people who’ve thought they were like that and then realized when they met me, “oh having a cock isn’t nearly as important as I might have thought it was.” That’s happened many times on growlr, and Tumblr (R.I.P.) but more interestingly has happened in the midst of a hook up quite a few times. I would be playing with a hot bear who is definitely into me, but his husband/boyfriend/partner wouldn’t really be interested due to me being trans, but then in middle of fucking me he’d like shout to the other room “hon, you gotta come try this!” or boyfriend would lean in to check in on us and change his tune in being interested real quick. So again, no shade if it’s not your thing, but sometimes stuff can surprise people when they come face to face with a situation.

Cheers, 

Trans Bear

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COL490: R.I.P. Tumblr Porn

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, we are joined again by Daddy Hadrian to talk about current events in social media. Earlier last week, Tumblr decided to ban NSFW content as of December 17th and Facebook has changed its terms regarding “sexual expression”. The guys discuss how this impacts both themselves and the community at large.

Show Topic

Verizon owned Tumblr has announced they’re banning NSFW content starting Dec 17th. [Oath Inc. is a subsidiary of Verizon Communications that serves as the umbrella company of its digital content subdivisions, including AOL and Yahoo!. Verizon acquired AOL on June 23, 2015 and Yahoo!’s operating business on June 13, 2017. Within Oath, AOL and Yahoo! maintain their respective brands.]

  • What do we think of this policy/content change?
  • Does anyone know the numbers? As in, what %s of user accounts/posts are NSFW vs SFW.
  • Where will the porn gravitate to on the internet?
  • Vox: Tumblr bans porn so Verizon can sell ads

Alternatives:

What do we think of the recent change in Facebook’s own terms re: sexual expression?

Here’s the new wording from Facebook’s Community Standards Section 15:

  1. Sexual Solicitation

Policy Rationale

As noted in Section 8 of our Community Standards (Sexual Exploitation of Adults), people use Facebook to discuss and draw attention to sexual violence and exploitation. We recognize the importance of and want to allow for this discussion. We draw the line, however, when content facilitates, encourages or coordinates sexual encounters between adults. We also restrict sexually explicit language that may lead to solicitation because some audiences within our global community may be sensitive to this type of content and it may impede the ability for people to connect with their friends and the broader community.

Do not post:

Content that attempts to coordinate or recruit for adult sexual activities including but not limited to:

  • Filmed sexual activities
  • Pornographic activities, strip club shows, live sex performances, erotic dances
  • Sexual, erotic, or tantric massages

Content that engages in explicit sexual solicitation by, including but not limited to the following, offering or asking for:

  • Sex or sexual partners
  • Sex chat or conversations
  • Nude images

Content that engages in implicit sexual solicitation, which can be identified by offering or asking to engage in a sexual act and/or acts identified by other suggestive elements such as any of the following:

  • Vague suggestive statements, such as “looking for a good time tonight”
  • Sexualized slang
  • Using sexual hints such as mentioning sexual roles, sex positions, fetish scenarios, sexual preference/sexual partner preference, state of arousal, act of sexual intercourse or activity (sexual penetration or self-pleasuring), commonly sexualized areas of the body such as the breasts, groin, or buttocks, state of hygiene of genitalia or buttocks
  • Content (hand drawn, digital, or real-world art) that may depict explicit sexual activity or suggestively posed person(s).

Content that offers or asks for other adult activities such as:

  • Commercial pornography
  • Partners who share fetish or sexual interests

Sexually explicit language that adds details and goes beyond mere naming or mentioning of:

  • A state of sexual arousal (wetness or erection)
  • An act of sexual intercourse (sexual penetration, self-pleasuring or exercising fetish scenarios)

Facebook Community Standards Section 14: Adult Nudity and Sexual Activity

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