In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this episode, we are talking about Creating Your Party. Just like in multi-player gaming, real life can have better outcomes when we select a team of skilled people by our side.
Show Topic
Landscape of Relationships: Creating Your Party
Charlie T
“How about parental/in-law relationships? Times where lines were crossed (and boundaries should’ve been set), or picking chosen family that’s actually healthy for you (vs just spoiling yourself)? (honestly I’m out of ideas)”
Tommy H
“Maybe about when it’s time to end a long relationship. Some early advice I got was not to talk about breaking up or divorcing until you were actually ready to do it”
Amusing because the OP and comments assume someone else is in control of your character….when you create it.
Social Capital
Pierre Bourdieu (French Sociologist)
Social capital is the sum of the resources, actual or virtual, that accrue to an individual or a group by virtue of possessing a durable network of more or less institutionalized relationships of mutual acquaintance and recognition.
Robert Putman, political scientist, defined social capital as “Connections among individuals — social networks and the norms of reciprocity and trustworthiness that arise from them.”
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. Today’s topic is New Relationship Energy. That euphoric feeling one gets from their glorious new relationship! However, there can be some challenges. From Limerence of monogamy to the NRE of Polyamory, the cubs break down the pros and cons of this addiction to love.
Show Topic
Landscape of Relationships: New Relationship Energy
How many songs can you think of that frame romantic love to addiction?
Dorothy Tennov, psychologist, coined the term limerence in her 1979 book Love and Limerence to describe the phenomenon of the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of beginning a relationship. We also call it having a crush. These feelings are categorized as being intrusive and everything seems to be about this person. We can’t listen to the radio because every song seems to be about them. Everything we see seems to remind us about them. They become the central force of gravity in your life. A black hole of attraction. We have all had it at some time or another….and sometimes it is even reciprocated.
New Relationship Energy (NRE)
Similar to limererance but for individuals in polyamorous relationships to describe and help manage the thoughts and feelings that arise during new relationship among already existing ones. This is helpful to frame especially when feelings of jealousy from other partners are present.
NRE is a hot topic in poly circles because it often comes up.
You know that song “Your Love is a Drug” by Kesha?
She wasn’t lying.
The same chemical reactions that occur neurologically during the limerence phase of a new relationship also occur during crack cocaine addiction. The relationship gives us the all of that feel good dopamine and norepinephrine, but also comes with obsessive thoughts when you are not with that other person…similar to withdrawal. That is because we are experiencing low serotonin production at these times, which satiates us and lets us know “mmmm…..I’m full.” Like Alexander Hamilton, we can never be satisfied in those early months.
Cons of NRE
Hyperfocus on new relationship, neglect other relationships and responsibilities
Increases likelihood of negatively evaluating other partner’s behaviors.
Sometimes questionable behavior that is uncharacteristic (e.g. moving, big purchases)
Overlooking red flags
Pros of NRE
Good feelings
High energy
Increased likelihood to try new things
Community wisdom (you are not alone…there are MANY others who have been there too)
What to do?
Head in the Clouds, Feet on the Floor
Its okay to be feel the good feelings….but be practical.
Don’t make big purchases: ( e.g. sign anything anything over $500 without consulting outside party)
Check In’s with friends and date nights with partners
USE THAT ENERGY IN OTHER RELATIONSHIPS!!!
This, too, shall pass.
Research suggests 6 months to 2 years.
Old Relationship Energy (aka Established Relationship Energy, Existing Relationship Energy)
Mina Beveney Dissertation Kinky POC Research Study
Are you a kinky person of color? You may be eligible to participate in an anonymous online survey about your experiences! This research will amplify and center the voices of kinky people of color, and results may benefit the larger community. Mina Beveney, a doctoral candidate and Black psychotherapist, is seeking participants for a 20 to 30-minute survey that will ask about experiences of racial or ethnic discrimination, sexual self-concept, and coping.
If you are a person of color age 18 or over that has participated in in-person BDSM spaces or contexts in the United States within the past 24 months, please follow this link (https://rebrand.ly/RaceKinkSurvey) to find out more and participate. Participants may choose to enter into a drawing to win a one of four $25 gift cards.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys continue their “What is…” series with an episode on pleasure. So, what’s your pleasure? What’s my pleasure? Is it a pleasure to meet you or a pleasure to make your acquaintance? Is pleasure just sexual or are there multiple types of pleasure? Listen in as the cubs get to the pleasure principle and break it all down for you. Will this episode be pleasurable to you?
Show Topic
What is… Pleasure?
Definition: noun – a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment. Adjective – used or intended for entertainment rather than business. Verb – give sexual enjoyment or satisfaction to.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s TAKE TWO as the guys are joined by Adam Rodriguez-Routt, owner and producer of World Bear Weekend. With its initial event launching later this month, the cubs interview Adam to hash out the creation, mission and fun times planned! Learn about this inaugural gathering of papa bears, momma bears, cubs, admirers, and more. In this Take Two, the cubs dig a little deeper into the event to get more info about the goings-on of the weekend.
Warning: This episode’s audio has an echo due to the use of new streaming process. The issue has been cleared up and the audio will be back to normal in the next episode. We decided not to release an audio version as we cannot remove the echo. Please listen as Gary and Jeff discuss what happened.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined by Adam Rodriguez-Routt, owner and producer of World Bear Weekend. With its initial event launching later this month, the cubs interview Adam to hash out the creation, mission and fun times planned! Learn about this inaugural gathering of papa bears, momma bears, cubs, admirers, and more.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this episode, we are talking about Creating Your Party. Just like in multi-player gaming, real life can have better outcomes when we select a team of skilled people by our side.
