Tag Archives: world bear weekend

COL641: ATNS: The Disney Conundrum

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another All T, No Shade show. For this episode, the guys debate regarding the recent news regarding Disney and its original silence then missteps regarding the “Don’t Say Gay” Bill in Florida, due to be signed into law in July 2022. As a beloved international corporation, what happens when it steps into a pile of political crap? Can and should the LGBTQ+ community continue to support their business when they once again reveal they are not as supportive back? Can the House of Mouse fix their LGBTQ+ problem? The cubs share their thoughts and opinions on this and more in this heated discussion.

Show Topic

ATNS: The Disney Conundrum

The challenge of when an international corporation with multiple loved IPs steps into a pile of political crap. Can the House of Mouse fix their LGBTQ+ problem? Can we support the land where dreams come true when villains threaten to destroy the world we live actually in?

 

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COL613: LoR: New Relationship Energy

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series.  Today’s topic is New Relationship Energy.  That euphoric feeling one gets from their glorious new relationship! However, there can be some challenges.  From Limerence of monogamy to the NRE of Polyamory, the cubs break down the pros and cons of this addiction to love.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: New Relationship Energy

How many songs can you think of that frame romantic love to addiction?

Limerence

  • Dorothy Tennov, psychologist, coined the term limerence in her 1979 book Love and Limerence to describe the phenomenon of the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of beginning a relationship.  We also call it having a crush.  These feelings are categorized as being intrusive and everything seems to be about this person.  We can’t listen to the radio because every song seems to be about them.  Everything we see seems to remind us about them.  They become the central force of gravity in your life.  A black hole of attraction.  We have all had it at some time or another….and sometimes it is even reciprocated. 

New Relationship Energy (NRE)

  • Similar to limererance but for individuals in polyamorous relationships to describe and help manage the thoughts and feelings that arise during new relationship among already existing ones.  This is helpful to frame especially when feelings of jealousy from other partners are present.  
  • NRE is a hot topic in poly circles because it often comes up.

You know that song “Your Love is a Drug” by Kesha?  

  • She wasn’t lying.
  • The same chemical reactions that occur neurologically during the limerence phase of a new relationship also occur during crack cocaine addiction.  The relationship gives us the all of that feel good dopamine and norepinephrine, but also comes with obsessive thoughts when you are not with that other person…similar to withdrawal.  That is because we are experiencing low serotonin production at these times, which satiates us and lets us know “mmmm…..I’m full.”  Like Alexander Hamilton, we can never be satisfied in those early months.  

Cons of NRE 

  • Hyperfocus on new relationship, neglect other relationships and responsibilities 
  • Increases likelihood of negatively evaluating other partner’s behaviors.
  • Sometimes questionable behavior that is uncharacteristic (e.g. moving, big purchases)
  • Overlooking red flags 

Pros of NRE

  • Good feelings
  • High energy
  • Increased likelihood to try new things
  • Community wisdom (you are not alone…there are MANY others who have been there too)

What to do?

  • Head in the Clouds, Feet on the Floor
    • Its okay to be feel the good feelings….but be practical.
  • Don’t make big purchases: ( e.g. sign anything anything over $500 without consulting outside party)
  • Check In’s with friends and date nights with partners 
  • USE THAT ENERGY IN OTHER RELATIONSHIPS!!!
  • This, too, shall pass.
    • Research suggests 6 months to 2 years.

Old Relationship Energy (aka Established Relationship Energy, Existing Relationship Energy)

  • Old Relationship Energy: (noun) The dynamic of a long-standing established romantic or sexual relationship. Related to the Greek concept of pragma or mature love. Also known as companionate love. Also known as ORE. Its opposite is New Relationship Energy (or NRE).
  • Companionate love (secure) vs limerence (insecure)
  • Playing an instrument you are comfortable with….

Resources

Mina Beveney Dissertation Kinky POC Research Study

Are you a kinky person of color?  You may be eligible to participate in an anonymous online survey about your experiences!  This research will amplify and center the voices of kinky people of color, and results may benefit the larger community. Mina Beveney, a doctoral candidate and Black psychotherapist, is seeking participants for a 20 to 30-minute survey that will ask about experiences of racial or ethnic discrimination, sexual self-concept, and coping.

If you are a person of color age 18 or over that has participated in in-person BDSM spaces or contexts in the United States within the past 24 months, please follow this link (https://rebrand.ly/RaceKinkSurvey) to find out more and participate. Participants may choose to enter into a drawing to win a one of four $25 gift cards.

Thank you for your interest in this research!

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COL590: HAH: The Event

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined by the delightfully twisted Paul Lanner! The cubs catch up with Paul and his updates to the Haunters Against Hate organization in preparation for its first large scale event. From fellow haunters to workshops and more, Paul shares the details of this inaugural fundraiser.

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Paul Lanner of Haunters Against Hate returns to the podcast [see COL483] to talk about the newest items of his endeavors. One of them is the announcement of ‘The Event’ where HAH is creating a haunt convention in Louisville, KY Friday July 30th thru Sunday Aug 1st, 2021!

 

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COL527: What’s Going On – August/September 2019

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On episode for the months of August and September. It’s been a while, so we’re checking in on the cubs to see how they’re doing. From work changes to the mundane schedule, the guys share their highs and lows for the past couple of months. Also, we share your feedback on some of our recent episodes, titillate you with some tweets, and give you some fun shows to watch.

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Back in the sunlight, Fuck you allergies
  • Damon: Cincy Leather, Work (Non)Fun, & Gaming
  • Gary: Work, Dad, Sleep, Repeat

Feedback 

Facebook Share:

  • Sept 17th – Aron Moberg shared out COL525: What is…Confidence? Episode post

Facebook Likes:

  • Anwar Lordsire
  • Stephen Buzz Foster
  • Ronnie Kassis
  • Bruce Gohr

Facebook Comment/Post:

  • Re: COL522: Trans Bear Interview – Charles S. Scott Great episode! 🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻
  • Re: COL519: What’s Going On – July 2019 – Michael Quinichett Lmt If reference to my phone call into COL, this is what I meant when I said I “get on top of the client.” 😘😂

Instagram Followers

  • ascohn
  • toadberg
  • msd_1802
  • issac.benjamin.14
  • demondoctortheseries

Instagram Comments

  • Oan_ragnari It’s so beautiful. – Oan’s COL chili bowl pics!
  • Re: COL516: LTAS: What Porn Taught Us – Part One – hauntcub: I wonder what a daddy cub could contribute?

YouTube Subscribers:

  • Lovel Trahan

YouTube Comment:

  • Re: COL429: Power Hour 5: Drunk Cubs, The Next Birthday Bash – Oan R. Tacos and enchiladas. And more shirtless Gary.
  • Re: COL523: Power Hour 7: Jeff’s Birthday Basharino – Oan R. I’m scared. Drunk me is on the internet. Lol. For the record, I was good on shots until I reached the minute of my birthday. Then started skipping. (I also might’ve been trying to hold some of it down)

Email:

  • Name: Henry    Message: Hi, guys. Still enjoying your podcast after all these years. (Although the one about trans acceptance did seem to go on & on and got on my nerves. Not sure if that’s because I’m personally uncomfortable with the subect, or just due to my habitual short attention span.)   Anyhoo (to quote Damon), your call in COL515 for suggestions of topics for future shows made me think of one. Wonder what it was. In the time it took to seek out your website, go to Contact Us, fill in the top of this form, and type the preceding two paragraphs, it completely slipped my mind. [sigh] Age takes its toll…  

Oh yeah, that’s it! You jokingly mentioned being together in a home, 50 years from now, and still putting out the podcast. It immediately brought to mind the subject of retirement homes for gay men, something that has been on my mind as I have aged. I have found none in the Atlanta area, and I wonder if they exist in other locales. If so, perhaps you could bring in a representative from one (a resident would be great) to talk about the concept, the demand, the challenges & rewards of getting them up & running, the general atmosphere in such a place, and whatever else y’all and the guest might think appropriate. None of us is getting younger, and “what do I do now?” is a question that increasingly comes up.  Thanx for considering this. And keep on ‘castin’! Henry

  • Name: Mark     Message: Thanks again for restoring a button to download the podcasts. Could you do that for episodes 512-516? Thanks! UrsusMajr (Mark)

Voicemail

  • Oan: Re: What is … Self Love? And What is … Self Hate?

Twitter Followers

  • @GuyBeefy
  • @pupsm0ke
  • @TheReal07349630
  • @chub4me
  • @lbesthatlights1
  • @baerlover1
  • @frank60442046
  • @DavidCo79920899
  • @swissadultbaby
  • @CitiesCub

Twitter Comment:

  • re: COL521: What is…Respect? – @GBearTrekkie65: Replying to @cubsoutloud: Is the clothing optional gay campground mentioned in the episode The Woods Campground in Lehighton, PA?

Recent Shows

  • COL519: What’s Going On – July 2019
  • COL520: LTAS: What Porn Taught Us – Part Two
  • COL521: What is. . . Respect?
  • COL522: Trans Bear Listener Interview
  • COL523: Power Hour 7: Jeff’s Birthday Basharino
  • COL524: LTAS: What Porn Taught Us – Part Three
  • COL525: What is. . . Confidence?
  • COL526: LTAK: From Yuk to Yum

Tweet Tweet:

https://twitter.com/SmashyTheFloof/status/1178070314237988864?s=20

https://twitter.com/NumbersDont/status/1176348104980869120

https://twitter.com/bearberly/status/1176478259837583360

https://twitter.com/rbakesporn/status/1176200619721445377

Links:

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COL514: Trans Bear Listener

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys review some recent feedback from one of their newest audience members. This trans bear listener addresses some concerns after reviewing some of our past episodes and the comments we made. As Pride Month comes to a close, listen as the guys discuss these concerns and discuss their growth as they try to become allies to the transgender community.

Show Topic

Trans Bear Listener – we talk about an email we received earlier this summer, how we feel when it comes to being an ally to trans individuals, and owning where we are today.

Hello,

New listener here, and I’d like to start off by saying sorry if this message is kinda long and rambling, I’m sure I’m mostly gonna stream of consciousness write it.

I listened to all your most recent episodes that are accessable via Google Podcasts; then I thought I should Google your podcast + Transgender, because I’ve had a couple experiences of enjoying a Thing ™️, only to find out that the people that produce it have said some really offensive stuff about trans folks. So I happy to discover that you had some episodes tagged as transgender on your site, so I could listen and get the tea. I listened to a few of them, but then for some reason your website stopped playing them, unclear if it was my phone or your site, or what, but I think I heard all the important bits.

I don’t want this to come across as a dressing down or anything like that, I really just want to educate. Mostly I wanna call back to some stuff I heard in COL388: Entourage Feedback, and COL474/475: Bear World Weekend, as well as share some of my own stories.

Most of what you guys said in 388 was on the better side of things I’ve heard, but one of the things that stood out to me was the use of the term “female genitalia”, obviously I don’t speak for all of the trans community, but one thing that holds true for me, and most trans people I know would prefer if you didn’t say things like that. To put it in the slogan-y terms, “it’s not female genitalia, I’m a man and it’s mine”, a better way to talk about it would be someone who has not had surgery, or someone with their original parts. And like tips and hints for guys who are interested in trans guys, even though you guys basically said you aren’t, just ask what he wants his junk called; obviously there’s like the most famous trans man  porn star who calls himself “a man with a pussy” but I know if you use that term with me it’s gonna be an instant turn off, I don’t want feminine terms for myself, it instantly makes me feel unsexy, but some trans guys will be totally fine with it, so best just to all whoever you’re with.

The other thing that stuck out to me in that episode was someone, sorry I don’t recall who, said they couldn’t even picture playing with a trans guy who had had bottom surgery, even if they were attracted to him, and that personally I don’t get. I haven’t had surgery, I don’t ever want to force anyone to have sex with me who doesn’t want to, and like as long as someone doesn’t go out of their way to be a fuck-stick, to call me disgusting or tell me that I’m not allowed in gay spaces or anything like that, it’s ok with me that someone may not be interested because if the equipment I’ve got. But if someone would have sex with the exact same cis dude but wouldn’t with that guys who has had bottom surgery I’m not understanding, since there are definitely trans guys that you can’t tell at all, at least until they cum.

In the episodes 474/475 it was neat to hear about the gender neutral contests, it sounded like it would also be acceptable for a trans man to compete in the Mr. Best contest, but I wanted to verify because having Cub be gender neutral is great, but the idea of mandating that trans men couldn’t compete in Mr. Bear or trans women couldn’t compete in Ms. Bear sounds bad. But also that’s not what it sounded like was happening, it just sounded like the trans man happened to be competing for Cub not that he wasn’t allowed to compete for Mr. Bear.

Anyhow, I was wondering if you’d ever thought about/sought out a trans bear to have as a guest on your show to talk about any of that?

Also in episode 388 it got brought up how important cock is to some of you. Again, that’s fine, so long as someone isn’t a total asshole to me I’m not gonna be upset over that being the case but I do have some interesting stories to tell over that. I’m a big big bear chub, or rather should probably say a big chubby pocket bear, pretty hairy, bearded, 5’7, over 300 pounds. So I know the types of guys I attract (and the types I’m into) but quite a few times I’ve had people who’ve thought they were like that and then realized when they met me, “oh having a cock isn’t nearly as important as I might have thought it was.” That’s happened many times on growlr, and Tumblr (R.I.P.) but more interestingly has happened in the midst of a hook up quite a few times. I would be playing with a hot bear who is definitely into me, but his husband/boyfriend/partner wouldn’t really be interested due to me being trans, but then in middle of fucking me he’d like shout to the other room “hon, you gotta come try this!” or boyfriend would lean in to check in on us and change his tune in being interested real quick. So again, no shade if it’s not your thing, but sometimes stuff can surprise people when they come face to face with a situation.

Cheers, 

Trans Bear

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