In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys hop in their DeLorean and discuss the future of bears. The cubs gather together to talk about what another 30 to 40 years down the road might look like for the broader bear community. From disappearing bear runs to growing inclusivity, listen in as the guys ponder the next steps of the community.
Show Topic
Bears in the Future
The cubs gather together to talk about what another 30 to 40 years down the road might look like for the broader bear community. Will runs still exist? Are more animals coming into the menagerie? What about the ‘aging’ of the cubs in the year to come?
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys take some time to take a look back. As 2023 draws to a close, listen in as cubs reminisce about their milestones, highs and lows of the year. From weddings to new jobs, concerts to title wins, follow along with them as they take note of the year 2023.
Show Topic
2023 Look Back
As the year is wrapping, we’ll take a look back on the milestones and notably things that happened in 2023. With just two weeks left in the year, were there any standouts seen as positives, negatives, or mehs?
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Jeff and Gary welcome back Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke for another discussion and this time they get attached to the subject. From being anxious to feeling confident, there’s much to learn. Are you one of the four in ten that might have insecure attachment?
Show Topic
Landscape of Relationships: Attachment [impermanence, neediness, and security]
How you ever heard someone classify someone or themselves as being “clingy”, “co-dependent”, “needy”, “dramatic” or “closed off”, “emotionally unavailable”, and “allergic to drama” or that they have “attachment issues”? This is WAY more common than you think it is. Approximately 40 percent of people have an insecure attachment of some form.
John Bowlby described attachment as the everlasting psychological connection between human beings.
We are born to create emotional bonds with caregivers.
Those who had attachments to caregivers were more likely to receive comfort and protection and survive into adulthood.
Primary caregivers providing a sense of security is the central theme of attachment theory.
Mary Ainsworth expanded on Bowlby’s work.
“Strange situation” study connected attachment to behavior with toddlers and their mothers
Main (dissertation student of Ainsworth) and Solomon added disorganized-insecure attachment based on their research.
Traits of Anxious-insecure attachment
Responsive towards partners needs but insecure about their own worth in a relationship
Blames sense for rejection
Reassurance of their own worth and love.
Traits of Avoidant-insecure attachment
Independent, social, high self-esteem
Social interactions and relationships remain on the surface
Avoid strong displays of closeness and intimacy
Feel they do not need emotional intimacy
Traits of Disorganized-Insecure attachment
Perpetually waiting for rejection, disappointment, and hurt
Truly want closeness and intimacy; but afraid of it.
Self-fulfilling prophecy
Traits of a Secure Relationship
Able to identify and regulate emotions within a relationship
Strong goal oriented behavior in a relationship
Able to bond and trust others
For gay men and other queer individuals, their socio-sexual identity development from childhood to adulthood might have an impact on their attachment (prototype model of attachment)
Having a secure caregiver support you when you are rejected by your peers will help maintain your secure attachment
Having a previously secure caregiver reject you during that process has the potential to create an anxious or avoidant style.
Having secure peer support after an insecure childhood has the potential to transition to a secure attachment.
Having an insecure attachment with caregiver growing up will likely have negative experiences with sexual identity development (e.g. shame,internalized homophobia et al., lack of disclosure to family) and in some populations create an expectation of being rejected.
Bear community
Two stigmatized identifies (fat and queer)
Feeling rejected by the peer group who SHOULD accept me (potential for double insecure attachment)
Being welcomed into the Bear community could help transition to secure attachment
BUT…..this is a two-step process.
Attachment is not just interpersonal but also intrapersonal, meaning within ourselves.
Mindfulness as a practice has been helpful in learning and practicing differentiation of self in relationship with others.
If we are able to accept and show compassion towards ourselves we can stand on our own and learn to create our OWN narratives rather than relying on the narratives of others.
Here are some good ways to work towards secure attachment with others and ourselves
Self-awareness and accountability
If you are someone with an insecure attachment, it is your responsibility to take ownership for that and know what to do.. What are the beliefs you have about relationships and yourself? What do we need to ask for from others that is reasonable and within their control? And when you get it, notice it, name it, normalize it, remind yourself the purpose of why that was important, and appreciate that action that was taken. This will help you be mindful and aware of it in the future.
Communicate
Communicate your thoughts, feelings, and needs with others openly and honestly.
Two-way street. Listening is part of the process too.
Practice intimacy
David Schnarch said, “Intimacy is knowing who you are and letting someone else in on the secret.” This requires us to go on a journey of self-discovery. We can’t expect others to write our story.
Get comfortable with being uncomfortable
It’s okay to be mysterious. Not everyone needs to know everything about you in the first five minutes.
Acknowledge and appreciate when others are practicing intimacy.
Practice independence
Accept that you will struggle with this.
Ask questions.
Gage your willingness and boundaries and then seek support. “I can do (this…this….this) but I need support on (this…this…this)”
Google is your friend.
CELEBRATE SUCCESS….to your close supports or your diary….the world sometimes won’t match your excitement.
Find secure people
Therapists are a good example of a secure attachment model (sometimes it will take a few burnt ones)
Who in your life has a secure attachment? Hang out with them.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, with Damon on assignment out of town, Gary and Jeff welcome AJ aka Pup Zeo, the first and current World Pet 2021! With the end of his reign coming to an end at World Bear Weekend in September 2022, Zeo discusses the joys of being a pet titleholder, the trials of being a new titleholder and the fun of having a title “family”. In addition, the guys welcome all to Orlando for WBW 2022 and invite all to attend as Zeo and his family steps aside to welcome aboard the 2022 title winners. And if you listen carefully, there’s a special code just for our listeners to get a deep discount.
Show Topic
World Pet 2021
We welcome back AJ / Pup Zeo to discuss the upcoming World Bear Weekend in Orlando FL this coming Sept ’22 as well as what it has been like as the first World Pet title holder.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys hop in their DeLorean and discuss the future of bears. The cubs gather together to talk about what another 30 to 40 years down the road might look like for the broader bear community. From disappearing bear runs to growing inclusivity, listen in as the guys ponder the next steps of the community.
