Tag Archives: psychological

COL688: LoR: Sexual Desire

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss sexual desire. While not a usual LoR topic, it can be part of the conversation. Listen as Ed speaks on the complicated definition of sexual desire, where it comes from, and what impacts it in our day-to-day lives.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Sexual Desire

First, sexual desire is complicated. 

  • Is it an emotion? Yes
  • Is it a motivation? Yes
  • Is it a state of being? Yes
  • Is it required to have sex? Not necessarily

Sexual desire is the interest (or lack of interest) toward engaging in sexual activity.  This presents itself with thoughts, feelings, and fantasies.   Some people look at sexual desire existing on a spectrum from disgust to neutral to excited.

One way I have heard sexual desire described is akin to hunger.  And I like this analogy for a few reasons that we will discuss.  

Let’s go back to the idea of a smorgasbord….let’s imagine that there is not a Golden Corral that can hold the variety of sexual desire (Rule 34 of the Internet).  So when we talk about sexual desire, the limit does not seem to exist.  

What impacts sexual desire?

  • Biology/Evolution
    • Age can be a factor, Propagation of the species (sex as a reward); amygdala (emotional center) and hypothalamus (responsible for sexual arousal) Men’s desire is more based on visual cues when compared to women, cued interest “we don’t know why we desire something” v. uncued interest “has an origin story”; the “absolute territory” (Japanese zettai ryouiki), the band of skin between the bottom of the end of the skirt and the top of the socks.  Disclaimer: this is based on statistics and not all human behavior can be reduced to statistics.  If this isn’t your experience, it does not mean you are not valid.  
  • Medical
    • Low testosterone, heart disease, Cancer, physical pain, psychotropic medications
  • Relational
    • Relationship conflict, and sexual scripts 
  • Intergenerational
    • Abuse and religiosity and culture 
  • Psychological
    • Anxiety, Unhelpful body/sexual narratives, other sexual disorders
  • Social
    • Cultural sexual narratives and scripts 

“For most of Western Civilization low sexual desire has been a goal, not a problem.” – David Schnarch 

  • In a sex negative world, no wonder people are so confused about their sexual desires or lack thereof.  Remember the sexual smorgasbord idea?  If dominating cultural narratives created the smorgasbord, then there would only be a few options for a few people….the rest would be closed.

Resources:

 

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COL644: LoR: Intimacy & Arousal

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this episode we discuss Intimacy and Arousal. We let you in on the secret of the types and levels of intimacy and work the runway of arousal.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Intimacy & Arousal

Intimacy 

David Shnarch – “Intimacy is knowing who you are and letting someone in on the secret.”

Types of Intimacy 

  • Sexual
  • Emotional
  • Intellectual 
  • Aesthetic
  • Creative
  • Recreational
  • Work
  • Crisis
  • Commitment 
  • Conflict 
  • Communication
  • Spiritual 
  • Celebration
  • Physical 

Good Intimacy Tool 

Levels of Intimacy 

  • Safe communication
  • Other’s opinions and beliefs
  • Personal opinions and beliefs
  • Me feelings and experiences 
  • My needs, emotions, and desires

Example: Farting stage of a relationship 

Arousal 

  • Physical response to stimuli 

Problem 

  • Experiential avoidance

The Arousal Runway 

  • Psychological arousal 
  • Face-to-face arousal (role place a sexy scene)
  • Side-by-side (listening to a erotic story, watching ethical porn)

Himeros.tv

“Our fantasies are our allies”

“Fantasies are fantasies”

People have sex within the limits of their sexual development. We stick to having sex in familiar ways that keep us comfortable. Having sex beyond your sexual development creates anxiety and makes you nervous. Mastering this anxiety is how you become a sexually mature adult.” – David Shnarch

Wrap Up

  • Intimacy is important for arousal in relationships
  • Shame and guilt can negatively impact intimacy and arousal 
  • Take baby steps
  • Explore your fantasies….they might be the doorway to some great experiences 
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COL359: LTAS: FOOOOOOOOOD!

COL359In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another Let’s Talk About Sex! We are joined by special guests Hadrian and Uncle Pete to talk about food and sex. Is it a sensual aspect that enhances the play or just a hot, sticky mess?

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Introduction Topics

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Tired of the Citadel
  • Damon: CMC 25th
  • Gary: Time is fleeting!
  • Hadrian: Bear experiences
  • Uncle Pete: Drenched Fur Workshop

Weekly Topic

LTAS: FOOD!

Cooldown Topics

I’ll Tumbl For You:

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COL358: The Book That Goes Woof

WUF-frcoverrevIn this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the cubs have an interview with Dylan Thomas Good, the author of WOOF from Bear Bones Books. In this intriguing story regarding two exes, a $25,000 proposition, and video cameras, listen in as Mr. Good tells the tale of his writing process.

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Introduction Topics

What’s Going On?:

  • Jeff: StarCraft is back
  • Damon: Hanging with Mr. NAB
  • Gary: Reading before bed = apocalypse?

Feedback:

Google Plus: Ashter Moon is now following

YouTube: petronelus has subscribed

Blog Comment:

Re: “COL356: It’s a shit show”

  • Jake / EEcubTBRU actually had a pup room on their official event schedule this year and maybe has the “first” title on that. Glad to see Drenched Fur fostering that crossover as well though! I’ve had an interest in it for quite a few years, but thought the prospect of trying to break into basically a wholly separate community a bar too high, so this (hopeful) trend is exciting to me (and I’m guessing other bears by how much more pup exposure I’ve seen lately) Anyway, thought I’d chime in on that and leave my first COL reply. Love the show 🙂

 

Tumblr Message:

piglandiaThanks for the reblog! Loved listening to your podcast today….pleasantly surprised when I heard you boys start describing our piss gifs!

Twitter:

Charles S/@GBearTrekker65: Sure, I’d like to watch you guys play games…as long as you’re all shirtless, perhaps only wearing boxers. Woof! 🙂

Urbandictionary with Gary

pony bonerA half chubbed erection, stimulated by the ever tightening jambayala that sometimes occurs while sitting down. Generally happens in a sitting situation with some subtle vibration (driving on a bumpy road) when your pants jumble up and your Weiner comes restricted and thus forms a chubby pushing against your pants.

Frig duuude you gotta stop driving so I can deal with this pony boner.

Me n the Bros went offroading and I got the biiiiggest pony bone.

Weekly Topic

Interview with Dylan Thomas Good About his book WOOF.

Cooldown Topics

I’ll Tumbl For You:

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COL333: LTAK: Chastity

keep-calm-and-love-chastity-3In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, It’s another Let’s Talk About Kink. The cubs are joined by guest hosts Bruce, Shutter, and Rockcub as we discuss chastity. From keeping your cock locked to keeping your hands off, we run through the different dynamics of chastity.

 

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Introduction Topics

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff – Third Server is feels pretty good
  • Damon – Moving along nicely/Pup Contest
  • Gary – NOLA
  • Chester –  First full month of living in London. Adjusting to school, I hate my classmates, and having a blast going to all the free art museums.  Next weekend we are going to BearScots!

Feedback:

Facebook Likes:

  • Phil Bozarth
  • Bob Hengst
  • Dennis Nickel
  • Tod McMillen-Oakley
  • Phillip Martin
  • Alejandro Angelo Ocasio
  • Weslo Perez
  • Matthew Sympson
  • Naldo Brasil

YouTube Subscribers:

  • Wdop Jon
  • Bam0550

Chester Beltowski on Google+:

Roadtrips are great for catching up!

Facebook Message:

RJ strikes again:

COL326: hey there just a note on something from cubs out loud episode spit or swallow your image from could do all 3 is from a triga fims move called screws: extra time im pretty sure

Bear Underground: gayroy1

Urbandictionary with Jeffery

itisThe drowsy sleepy feeling you get after eating a large meal. Usual meals like big Sunday dinners, Thanksgiving and Christmas meals.

Man that itis done got me. I’m fixin’ to take a nap.

Weekly Topic

Let’s Talk About Kink: Chastity

Butt Chastity

Cooldown Topics

I’ll Tumbl For You:

Links:

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