In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this episode we discuss Intimacy and Arousal. We let you in on the secret of the types and levels of intimacy and work the runway of arousal.
Show Topic
Landscape of Relationships: Intimacy & Arousal
Intimacy
David Shnarch – “Intimacy is knowing who you are and letting someone in on the secret.”
Types of Intimacy
- Sexual
- Emotional
- Intellectual
- Aesthetic
- Creative
- Recreational
- Work
- Crisis
- Commitment
- Conflict
- Communication
- Spiritual
- Celebration
- Physical
Good Intimacy Tool
Levels of Intimacy
- Safe communication
- Other’s opinions and beliefs
- Personal opinions and beliefs
- Me feelings and experiences
- My needs, emotions, and desires
Example: Farting stage of a relationship
Arousal
- Physical response to stimuli
Problem
- Experiential avoidance
The Arousal Runway
- Psychological arousal
- Face-to-face arousal (role place a sexy scene)
- Side-by-side (listening to a erotic story, watching ethical porn)
“Our fantasies are our allies”
“Fantasies are fantasies”
“People have sex within the limits of their sexual development. We stick to having sex in familiar ways that keep us comfortable. Having sex beyond your sexual development creates anxiety and makes you nervous. Mastering this anxiety is how you become a sexually mature adult.” – David Shnarch
Wrap Up
- Intimacy is important for arousal in relationships
- Shame and guilt can negatively impact intimacy and arousal
- Take baby steps
- Explore your fantasies….they might be the doorway to some great experiences
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