Tag Archives: authenticity

COL586: What is. . . Authenticity?

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the cubs present another chapter of our “What Is…” series. The guys are joined by COL Resident Sex Therapist Edward Angelini-Cooke to unravel authenticity. As many folks had time on their hands in 2020 to be introspective, the idea of being authentic to themselves and what that means rang true. But, what does this mean and what steps can one take to find authenticity?

Show Topic

Our ‘What is…’ series – focusing on Authenticity. We survived 2020 which tried us in so many ways. Some took the opportunity to look inward and reflect on self-improvement. 

Background – Jenna Marbles and the End of Authenticity 

  • Authenticity is a process, that involves progress and context
  • “The Good Place” – We can’t just forget our progress
  • Phones don’t allow us to do that….every video can be interpreted as a present moment in time
  • YouTube creators deleting content reduces authenticity similar to ripping up pages in a diary so you are only seeing “the good stuff”
  • Similar to “Burn” in Hamilton 

Brené Brown is a social worker and researcher with the University of Houston’s Graduate School of Social Work.  She has spent the past two decades studying courage, shame, empathy, and vulnerability.  

Basically, in order for us to practice authenticity, we need courage, compassion, and connection.

  • Fear keeps us distant from courage where vulnerability gets us closer 
  • Sympathy keeps us distant from compassion where empathy gets us closer 
  • Shame keeps us distant from connection where vulnerability, empathy, power, and freedom get us closer.

“The Compass” analogy 

  • Values = North, West, South, East
  • Action = Points on the map 

Ten Questions to explore authenticity 

  1. What is my greatest strength?  What is my greatest weakness?
  2. What is my proudest achievement? What is my biggest failure?
  3. What am I worried about? (Think about a room where all your worries live…what is in there?)
  4. What do I believe in? What are my values?
  5. What am I interested in that I haven’t tried?
  6. How are my relationships?
  7. What do I like and dislike about my job?
  8. What does my inner critic tell me?
  9. Is your inner monologue more critical than not?
  10. I know when I am stressed when I  ____.

Think of a recent experience with a partner, friend, family member, or co-worker where you wanted to be authentic but weren’t. Imagine pausing at the height of this interaction and asking yourself the following questions:

  1. What am I afraid would happen if I shared my experience right now with this person?
  2. How will I feel if I don’t share what I’m thinking and feeling?
  3. If I weren’t afraid, what would I most want to say to this person right now?
  4. How can I share this with even more vulnerability?

Resources

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COL557: LTAK: Gear Part 3

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another Let’s Talk About Kink. The guys are again joined by Tony aka Cubziz to discuss gear. In this third part, the cubs break down the purchasing of gear. From thrift stores to online sites, Tony provides some handy information to build your gear collection from sparkling brand new to slightly flavored.

Show Topic

Let’s Talk About Kink: Gear – Part 3

We’re joined one again by kinky boy Tony aka Cubziz for a chat about the ‘gear’ we see and experience when it comes to leather/BDSM/kink. Previously we discussed…

This week:

  • Purchasing/Using
  • Building an Inventory
  • Where to Locate
  • Steps to consider purchasing/using
    • Once you have determined your interest and intent, now you can start purchasing. There are companies that sell full uniforms and there are places that will make custom.
      • Back to the Leather analogy. I can buy a harness from Wish dot com for 10 bucks, or I can have a custom made harness from an IML vendor for $400. 
        • Again depends on YOUR interest level.
        • And you will start at one level and move up in time.
        • In short, until you are happy, you will try to remove the negatives with your gear. (Too loose, too tight, not bulgey enough, not “real” enough…)
        • The store bought harness is probably not perfectly sized. But if your only use is to wear during the puppy mosh, it may not NEED to be better. But if you want to be inverted and suspended by it… you probably want better quality.
        • Rubber is a perfect example here. Cheaper rubber tends to be thinner and thus does not last as long BUT… may stretch more. It depends on what you want. And if you plan to wear it once, thinner may be fine. But if it is your new image, you’ll probably want something that will last and can be repaired.
  • How to build an inventory of items
    • As mentioned, you WILL “up your game” in time as you will gain/lose weight, find a pair of pants that “feel” better, or just one rough play too many and the old gear shreds.
    • Recommendation is to ask someone IN that gear category.
      • (I’ll give some examples from sportsgear.)
      • For example, someone getting into wrestling gear… RIGHT NOW is the time.
      • Now is NOT the time for Baseball gear though (as it is in high demand so not a lot of sales.. BUT you can get a lot of fancier designs that may not be available after the season… Again depends on your purpose.)
      • Now is also not the time for Football gear. Been too many months and so excess stock is very limited.
    • Consider the availability of gear.
      • In Iowa, you can walk into any sports gear store and they will carry wrestling singlets for adults.
      • In Missouri, just one state south, you RARELY will find any singlets at all, youth or adult sizes.
      • The culture is different. Iowa is a big wrestling state whereas Missouri isn’t.
      • Likewise, in Minnesota, I can buy hockey gear… In Iowa, not so much.
    • Your ABILITY to buy gear is another factor.
      • Police Uniforms are a great example.
        • You won’t be able to buy a full uniform at once unless you have LOTS of money. It will be piecemeal.
      • Baseball Uniforms are another example.
        • This depends on your level of interest. Do you want a full uniform from a particular school/team/player? Then you’ll only focus on THAT particular gear.
        • Likewise depends on style. If you want an all grey or white baseball uniform, that’s easy to come by. Want a Royal blue pinstripe on white pants and a matching jersey? That’s going to take more time and searching.
      • If you want custom leather, going to IML or another run is your best bet if you don’t have a local leather shop. But again, if you are willing to settle for not a perfect fit, ordering from Mr. S is perfectly fine or even Amazon. (Mr. S will do some alterations whereas Amazon won’t. Again, various levels of support. Likewise Mr. S can do custom on some items, so they may be able to see you at IML..)
  • Where one might locate some gear
    • Depends on the gear.
      • For work style uniforms, usually from supply stores, goodwills, ebay. Mechanic uniforms for example are typically just Dickies pants and a generic work shirt that you can get from JcPenney (are they still around?)
      • For a police uniform, you’ll have to hunt for that and probably build your own piece by piece (shirt, then pants, then patches, then accessories…)
      • For sportsgear, fortunately it is designed typically to have a range of styles; some is easier to obtain than others. (Again, my main thing is sportsgear so I’ll give examples.)
        • Wrestling Singlets – Earlier mentioned walking into a sports gear store and getting a singlet. Probably will be a generic kind. But if you want a particular style or team, you may be hunting multiple places, like ebay, Facebook marketplace, hell maybe the school’s own website
        • Mail order. Suplay for wrestling. Baseball Express for baseball attire. Goaliemonkey for hockey. Etc. But also Police uniforms can be via mail order. After all, policemen have to buy it from somewhere too.
        • Garage sales/Swap meets/Charity yard sales at the bar/event.
          • Some of us gearheads have WAY too much and are more than happy to GIVE it to someone who shows a genuine interest. (Or sell it, or sell it for charity… Depends on how much space we don’t have left…)
          • Likewise, some of us tend to hop on sales and buy WAY too much. For example, I picked up some Under Armour baseball pants for $0.50 recently, so I bought six pair. Do I need six pair? Of course not, but I know I’ll give some away to friends… 
          • So ask your gearheads as they may have spares and it’s probably better quality than what you’d find on your first search.
        • Above all, set a budget before buying. It is VERY easy to chase the rabbit hole and spend $2,000 on a football uniform worn by a particular player which may not even fit you…
          • However, just because one can’t wear it doesn’t mean it isn’t fetish attire. Sniffing, holding, putting someone ELSE in the gear, are all possible.
  • Above all, decide what you want and enjoy it.
  • One benefit of FULL uniforms can be that you can play rougher, roleplay better, etc.
    • Sex in a full football uniform can be FAR rougher than you could otherwise do.
    • But wrestling in a full football uniform is quite painful… (and you will lose.)
    • And this doesn’t even include topics like bondage in gear or forced roleplay (IE hypno/captured play). 
  • Above all, no one path will work for everyone. But go with your desires. Focus on what YOU enjoy and go from there, even if it is just enjoying how it makes someone ELSE act.
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COLDR: S7E2: Fly the Shady Skies

COLDRS7-Ep2In this episode of Cubs Out Loud Drag Race, Damon and Gary talk about the second episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 7. The shade begins as the queens start to make their way through the competition. Listen in while the boys dish on the queens as they fly the unfriendly skies of Glamazonian Airways! Fasten your seatbelts and put your tray tables up.

Weekly Topic

Current episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 7

First Impressions:

  • [Gary] – Where do I buy my ticket?
  • [Damon] – Fly the Shady Skies! Team-UP!

Thoughts on This Episode:

  • [Gary] – Almost unfair team challenge
  • [Damon] –  “I hate Michelle Visage”. 2nd Act was better than the 1st.  😉

Thoughts on Untucked:

  • [Gary] – This season is ‘real’
  • [Damon] – The drama begins (Jasmine vs Trixie). Being safe: Good or bad?

Cooldown Topics

Take Aways:

  • [Gary] – Ginger Minj [not good] & Trixie/Jasmine Sniffing Each Other Out
  • [Damon] – The “Tender Moments”:Ginger Minj & Pearl, Max & Sasha

Snaps / Eyerolls [Hits/Misses]:

  • [Gary] – Snaps for… Katya’s LipSync performance
  • [Gary] – Eyerolls for… Ginger Minj’s “authenticity”
  • [Damon] – Snaps for…Mrs. Kasha Davis’ performance
  • [Damon] – Eyerolls for … Katya’s splits

Closing Thoughts:

  • [Gary] – Who the HELL made those outfits?
  • [Damon] – The “delayed clap” for Sasha’s sashay…

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