COL282: Let’s Talk About Kink – Dom/sub, you don’t say! | Cubs Out Loud

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, we welcome Ches and Matt to lead an in depth discussion on Dom/sub relationships. From defining some of the terms to offering their takes on the dynamics, the guys exchange insights and provide an intriguing dialogue on power exchange and control.

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What’s Going On?

[Damon]-Where I Have Been (Comic Con, Bluegrass Leather, Ren Fair)
[Gary] – Getting Older

Weekly Topic

BDSM Discussion: Dom/sub Dynamics

Dom/sub, Daddy/boy, Sir/boy, Master/slave
- Role play vs Power Exchange
- Power Exchange
  - Dom/sub – umbrella
  - “With great power comes great responsibility”
    - Master/slave – focus on pleasure of Master; steward/guardian of slave
    - Daddy/boy & Sir/boy – conditional submission; varying kinds
      - Daddy/boy – mentoring, growth and nurturing for better service in and out; temporary relationship with a defined beginning and end
      - Sir/boy – personal service tailored to the Sir ; extended dynamic with long term possibility
Labels, Identities & Titles
- Look at the power exchange
- Self-identification
- Thoughts on Being a Bear
- “Respect somebody else’s kink”
  - Needs, Activities, Experiences
- “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” – old mantra?
- “RACK – Risk, Aware, Consensual, Kink” – new mantra?
Play Dynamics vs. Scene Dynamics vs. Relationship Dynamics
- Play – experiencing with known boundaries
- Scene – substantial power exchange; individuals familiar with aspects of time, players, experience levels
- Relationship – extend outside of private settings, more public appearance
Closeness of Leather/BDSM Community
- Support structure for others
Respect, Reciprocity and Abuse
Personal Responsibility in Representation
Local Community Reaction
- EXCLUSIVE: Buechel residents oppose so-called ‘social club’
- The outing of Ms. Constance.
For Da Noobz

I’ll Tumbl For You:

[Gary] – Yes Sir, as you wish, Sir
[Jeff] – Gorgeous Ben
[Damon] – Damien at FSF
[Ches] – Brendan McVantes

Links:

[Gary] – No Boyfren Bon Qui Qui feat. Tammy

[Jeff] – Matt Alder – Handsome Man

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One thought on “COL282: Let’s Talk About Kink – Dom/sub, you don’t say!”

Great job! I’m really a bit sad I listened to this in the car on my way to work this morning as there were so many things I wanted to write down and say here in the comments. I still have about 20 minutes more to listen to but I figure why not get it all down while it’s still got that hot french fry feeling! First of all, thank you for doing this show, you’re providing a great service. Secondly, thanks for having fantastically educated guests who don’t pull punches but delivered digestible doses of truth and education on a topic I am still coming to understand myself. I’m still new to my life as a sub; being a black man in the United States who has race play as one of his kinks has taken some getting use to. That being said, your guests made one point that resonated deeply with me and I wanted to thank them and the show for it… Function over Form. There have been many situations in my life as a gay man where I have felt very “on the outside”. Sir has proven to me that, despite any outside disqualifications I may have to any given group, I do have things to offer. I wouldn’t be so bold as to speak for Sir but he has never denied me. I am his boy. Regardless of whatever preconceived notions I still have of my outside appearance or the validity of this relationship to others, he has never failed to make me feel like his and that has in many ways allowed me to feel what it is like “on the inside”. Thanks again and keep up the great work. 😀

Reggie Swann says:

October 23, 2014 at 6:38 am

Great job! I’m really a bit sad I listened to this in the car on my way to work this morning as there were so many things I wanted to write down and say here in the comments. I still have about 20 minutes more to listen to but I figure why not get it all down while it’s still got that hot french fry feeling! First of all, thank you for doing this show, you’re providing a great service. Secondly, thanks for having fantastically educated guests who don’t pull punches but delivered digestible doses of truth and education on a topic I am still coming to understand myself. I’m still new to my life as a sub; being a black man in the United States who has race play as one of his kinks has taken some getting use to. That being said, your guests made one point that resonated deeply with me and I wanted to thank them and the show for it… Function over Form. There have been many situations in my life as a gay man where I have felt very “on the outside”. Sir has proven to me that, despite any outside disqualifications I may have to any given group, I do have things to offer. I wouldn’t be so bold as to speak for Sir but he has never denied me. I am his boy. Regardless of whatever preconceived notions I still have of my outside appearance or the validity of this relationship to others, he has never failed to make me feel like his and that has in many ways allowed me to feel what it is like “on the inside”. Thanks again and keep up the great work. 😀