COL116: It Starts With Sex

Jeff and Griff bid JJ a fond farewell by discussing JJ’s best and worst memories of COL.  We also talk about the gay dating-scape and how semen totally grosses out JJ.

Play

Amazing Weekends.

COL News

Feedback:

  • Hey Guys
    Just thought I would drop you a line to say hi, thanks for the great discussion especially the one about the HIV+ partnering.  I was with someone for 4 years who was HIV+ and I swore I would never be with someone who had HIV again, it ripped me apart, and still to this very day 15 years later I still feel a void where he should be.  But I have dated since so I’ve not totally kept in the past except for learning about my own limits.
    So I was wondering if I could propose a topic to you guys, So I’ve been in a relationship for 10 years and recently its come to a mad screaming holt (Since December last year).  I’ve started going out again dating, and I’ve noticed that the dating-scape has changed considerably.  Is it the norm that people have forgotten how to do romantic thing (dinner and a movie, coffee dates etc), most people I meet just want to traverse the quick hook up thing.  I want to meet someone likes romance, is romantic and will reciprocate in kind when I am romantic.  Does this idea make me too gay to function?  Is romance dead in the bear community?
    Your loyal listener here in Adelaide, Australia

    iCub_2010

Topics:

  • JJ’s best and worst times on COL. Group discussion.
  • Too young to marry?

WTP:

  • Chocolate on the remote. – Griff
  • Get an iPad for free schemes (people who fall for it rather) – Griff
  • Drinking while doing COL – Griff
  • “Cute” for doing a podcast – Jeff

Picks:

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  • Super Mario Galaxy 2 (Wii) – JJ

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COL115: Fisting While Partnered

Feedback from Darnell gets us talking about HIV in relation to dating. Would you knowingly date an HIV+ man?  Would you tell a friend if they were dating one and didn’t know? We talk about that and our “Amazing Weekends”!

Play

Amazing Weekends.

Feedback:

  • Hello COL,
    I wanted to let you guys know I really enjoyed the last show. The segment of finance was very informative and cool. Now I have a question I would like to pose to the group. I recently meet a guy on adam4adam. He is very nice, good looking , stale and has most of the qualities in a partner I am looking for. Well on the third date he brings up that he is HIV +. So my question to the group is would you date someone who is HIV +?
    Take Care
    Darnell

Topics:

  • Would you date someone who is HIV+?
  • Would you tell a friend he’s dating someone positive? (reference to Cubby House)
  • Would you meet a guy from Adam4Adam, Manhunt, Craigslist, etc.?

WTP:

Picks:

COL114: Gay Out of Compton

Some great feedback and a YouTube video spark discussion about being social and perceived hatred of feminine gays. The guys also remind you that it may be time for you to get tested.

Play

Feedback:

  • Hey again guys!I really wanted to take some time here to comment on COL112.  Have to say–this episode is one of my favorites yet.  You guys talked about several things I’ve been thinking about personally the last few years … and found myself listening to this twice.First–I can relate to Jeff about feeling kind of stuck and needing to get out more …  I too am on the shy side and find that, although I don’t exactly carry around a pocket protector or have a particularly nasal voice (lol), people generally find me a bit TOO tech-savvy or “nerdish”.  I found myself siding with Griff over Jeff’s remark of whether or not to move out of Austin in that the same situation is bound to pop up in any city you land in–whether it’s Boston, Seattle, Topeka, or my native Cincinnati–just takes some looking.  Maybe you (Jeff) could join a meetup group–not necessarily gay/bear related?  I’ve found a few that were really cool and it might give you another view of groups you fit in with that you never thought about before.  There’s a place in Tampa that does a weekly drum circle, for example, and they’re a pretty bangin’ group (pun intended).

    Also, after having heard about it the last few episodes–Griff’s relationship with Ian really reminds me of my current relationship.  Coincidentally, he is a Scorpio … and we met when I was in my early 20’s.  *insert spooky music here*  He’s currently in his mid-30’s (and a bear) and I find that in the time we’ve been together (will be five years in September) it’s definitely been an adventure.  Some times easier than others, as to be expected, but it’s worked out great.  It’s all about finding that balance.  To tie this into my last paragraph, I can again relate to Jeff in that it’s easier to do things–at least for me–when you have a partner to share them with.  I too got bored at bars by myself when I was single and would rather have talked online all night to the gamer friends I had (however transparent they were over the Internet) than sit at a bar and get zero attention–or know how to go about it.  I find that I am 200% more social and outgoing than when I was single, and I take more trips and explore new places to boot.  A Catch-22 …  Some of us are just wired differently, I guess.

    The age thing has never posed a problem with my boyfriend and I, save for a few minor instances (which were bound to pop up eventually).  Outside of that, I thoroughly enjoy his friends.  Likewise, he enjoys mine when they come to town to visit.

    I will say, though–to touch on the age issue again–I used to find myself becoming further wedged from my old high school friends with the advent of them all getting married or having kids …  I’m sure I/we don’t yet by sheer default of being gay (and lack of a law allowing us to do much of anything here in Florida)–but was nonetheless daunting.  This episode really made me realize that, at age 25, life really is about how old you feel vs. what your birth certificate says.  I see that it doesn’t matter that they are settling down and setting up house–it does not mean that we cannot still be young and dumb and have a blast.  I applaud Griff for feeling as young as 24 …  There are a LOT of my partner’s friends who are, say 34 going on 60–and I’m glad he doesn’t fit that definition.

    In closing, thanks again for the insight and entertainment.  Sorry that I seem to have written a short novel and that this email is all over the place, lol, but I had a lot to say.  Great show this week, guys.

    Russell, Fort Lauderdale

Topics:

  • Feminine gays.
  • Getting tested/safe sex.

[Jeff]WTP:

  • Ellen’s having to apologize – Griff
  • BP not responding fast enough to the oil spill – Griff

[Jeff]Picks:

COL113: The Drunkest Jeff You Will Ever Hear

The Washington Blade returns, more Arizona Douche Baggery, you shout out about getting older, and Jeff gets completely sloshed.

Play

Amazing Weekends.

COL News

Feedback:

  • Feedback from “Foul Monkeys” regarding aging.
  • Voicemail from JP
  • “Your discussions of age got me to thinking.  I believe that a segment discussing finance and saving for retirement would be interesting. It seems that gay men are into going out (except Jeff) and buying all of the newest gadgets.  I have to wonder if anyone is thinking about how they are going to be able to afford to retire.  Actually, I had this conversation with a lesbian CFP and she agreed that gay men needed to learn about finance from the dykes.  It is probably not an issue that many would want to talk about, but in my opinion an important one.”

WTP:

Picks:

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  • Ninite – Jeff
  • God of War 3 – JJ

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