Tag Archives: women

COL688: LoR: Sexual Desire

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss sexual desire. While not a usual LoR topic, it can be part of the conversation. Listen as Ed speaks on the complicated definition of sexual desire, where it comes from, and what impacts it in our day-to-day lives.

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Landscape of Relationships: Sexual Desire

First, sexual desire is complicated. 

  • Is it an emotion? Yes
  • Is it a motivation? Yes
  • Is it a state of being? Yes
  • Is it required to have sex? Not necessarily

Sexual desire is the interest (or lack of interest) toward engaging in sexual activity.  This presents itself with thoughts, feelings, and fantasies.   Some people look at sexual desire existing on a spectrum from disgust to neutral to excited.

One way I have heard sexual desire described is akin to hunger.  And I like this analogy for a few reasons that we will discuss.  

Let’s go back to the idea of a smorgasbord….let’s imagine that there is not a Golden Corral that can hold the variety of sexual desire (Rule 34 of the Internet).  So when we talk about sexual desire, the limit does not seem to exist.  

What impacts sexual desire?

  • Biology/Evolution
    • Age can be a factor, Propagation of the species (sex as a reward); amygdala (emotional center) and hypothalamus (responsible for sexual arousal) Men’s desire is more based on visual cues when compared to women, cued interest “we don’t know why we desire something” v. uncued interest “has an origin story”; the “absolute territory” (Japanese zettai ryouiki), the band of skin between the bottom of the end of the skirt and the top of the socks.  Disclaimer: this is based on statistics and not all human behavior can be reduced to statistics.  If this isn’t your experience, it does not mean you are not valid.  
  • Medical
    • Low testosterone, heart disease, Cancer, physical pain, psychotropic medications
  • Relational
    • Relationship conflict, and sexual scripts 
  • Intergenerational
    • Abuse and religiosity and culture 
  • Psychological
    • Anxiety, Unhelpful body/sexual narratives, other sexual disorders
  • Social
    • Cultural sexual narratives and scripts 

“For most of Western Civilization low sexual desire has been a goal, not a problem.” – David Schnarch 

  • In a sex negative world, no wonder people are so confused about their sexual desires or lack thereof.  Remember the sexual smorgasbord idea?  If dominating cultural narratives created the smorgasbord, then there would only be a few options for a few people….the rest would be closed.

Resources:

 

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COL641: ATNS: The Disney Conundrum

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another All T, No Shade show. For this episode, the guys debate regarding the recent news regarding Disney and its original silence then missteps regarding the “Don’t Say Gay” Bill in Florida, due to be signed into law in July 2022. As a beloved international corporation, what happens when it steps into a pile of political crap? Can and should the LGBTQ+ community continue to support their business when they once again reveal they are not as supportive back? Can the House of Mouse fix their LGBTQ+ problem? The cubs share their thoughts and opinions on this and more in this heated discussion.

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ATNS: The Disney Conundrum

The challenge of when an international corporation with multiple loved IPs steps into a pile of political crap. Can the House of Mouse fix their LGBTQ+ problem? Can we support the land where dreams come true when villains threaten to destroy the world we live actually in?

 

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COL606: ATNS: LGBTQIA+ Pride 2021 – Part 2: Kink

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another All T, No Shade show. This time around, the topic is Pride and because the cubs have a lot to say about it, this will be a two-parter. In this second part, the cubs break down their views on the ongoing debate of kink at Pride and its inclusion in LGTBQIA+ spaces. From consent to caution, listen in as the guys paddle their way through this hard stop conversation.

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ATNS: LGBTQIA+ Pride 2021 – Part 2: Kink

This year for our annual Pride discussion, we have a two-parter – previously we discussed Corporations. Now that we’ve told big business to fuck off with their pandering, let’s piss off even more people with our thoughts on kink being a part of Pride for the LGBTQIA community. 

From COL previous guest Perrin on social media:

Perrin 

So here’s the thing… cause it apparently needs to be said. Wearing a leash in public harms absolutely no one. It violates no consent.

This discourse reeks of “think of the children” and “no kink at Pride” and I’m not here for this sanitization.

For years these types of excuses were used to actively harm homosexuals, transfolk, and anyone else who didn’t fit the public’s perception of normal. Still to this day, we see people crying foul when anyone dares deviate from that norm.

From Forged & Folded A Thousand Times in Rainbow Flame [aka @vaspider] on Twitter

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COL571: ATNS: Pedestal 2 Cancel

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys present another All T, No Shade! This time around, the cubs discuss the recent fall of “pedestal level” celebrities due to their actions and beliefs both on and offline. Possibly attributed to social media spreading information faster, famous people are being canceled. Listen in as the guys discuss some recent “victims” of cancel culture and share their opinions and observations on its effect throughout society at large.

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All Tea, No Shade: Pedestal 2 Cancel

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COL550: The Blood Ban

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined by guest Michael Q to discuss recent changes to the donation of blood. With COVID-19 affecting almost all avenues of life, the FDA removed its previous limitations; shortening the amount of time men who have sex with men are eligible to give blood. Listen as the cubs discuss and share their opinions on these restrictions and what it means for the gay male community.

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The Blood Ban – the US FDA made news on April 2nd when updating their policy to allow MSM to donate blood if they have not been with another male for 3 months vs the previous 12 month limitation.

Statistics Provided by CDC
Statistics provided by CDC

 

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