Tag Archives: values

COL725: LoR: Adulting

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss how adulting is a part of our lives. From anxiety to accomplishments, it’s a discussion about how we move through avoiding responsibilities to the other side.

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Landscape of Relationships: Adulting

What is adulting? 

“The characteristic of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult; especially the accomplishments of mundane but necessary tasks.”

Avoidance

  • the action of keeping away from or not doing something. 

Experiential avoidance 

  • the unwillingness to remain in contact with aversive experiences such as painful feelings, thoughts, and emotions
  • the relief that comes after you don’t do something 
  • instead of doing things that i need to do, i end up playing videos on tiktok or playing little games, or a get distracted 

Workability 

  • the concept of how our reaction to our thoughts are helpful or unhelpful and moving us towards the person we want to be.  Less focus on whether our thoughts are right or not.  

Example 

EAC Therapy 2023 Business goals 

  • Moving completely independent, get credentialed with insurance companies, and get my Sex Therapy Certification 
  • I was unwilling to make room for the anxiety that came along with the thought of failure 
  • Not doing them was easier than doing them….and I ALWAYS had an excuse NOT to do them.

Bullet Journal method 

  • an analog productivity tool that is designed to help someone structure their tasks with rapid logging.  
  • Ryder Carrol designed this method to help get people into action faster 
  • separated into rapid logging, monthly logs, weekly logs, and then daily logs
  • think of it like a more structured to-do list

1-2-3-4 Method

  1. Quick and easy task
  2. Cleaning task 
  3. In-depth task 
  4. Something fun to you
  • Categorize your rapid log into the 1,2,3 or 4
  • Pick one thing from each category and do each of them until you are done….then repeat as much as your can until you are done for your day 
  • The science tells us that if you can do something quick and easy then you have the momentum into a cleaning task.  Then you are already up, might as well complete that big task you have been putting off.  Once you are done, you can watch the season finale of that show you have been watching.  

Dr. Edward’s suggestions:

  • Be kind to yourself, Be realistic, Be brave and you will be ready.  
  • Get an accountability partner 
  • “Of course, I don’t want to do this. It’s okay to feel scared about this.”
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COL669: LoR: Relationship Anarchy

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Damon is away this week celebrating his birthday, but have no fear dear listeners – because Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke has returned! From scripts to relationship values, the guys discuss determining what each of us wants and needs.

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Landscape of Relationships: Relationship Anarchy

Landscape of Relationships is back with Dr. Angelini-Cooke to discuss the topic of Relationship Anarchy. Who doesn’t love disorder in their connections with others? Perhaps that isn’t what it means. Let’s learn together!

Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy post 

The term Relationship anarchist (also commonly called RA) was coined by Ardie Nordgren. Nordgren created the Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy in 2006. The Manifesto is a quick and easy read consisting of 9 principles of RA: 

  1. Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique
  2. Love and respect instead of entitlement 
  3. Find your core set of relationship values
  4. Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don’t let fear lead you
  5. Build for the lovely unexpected
  6. Fake it til’ you make it
  7. Trust is better
  8. Change through communication
  9. Customize your commitments

“Relationship anarchy is a way of approaching relationships that rejects any rules and expectations other than the ones the involved people agree on. This approach ‘encourages people to let their core values guide how they choose and craft their relationship commitments rather than relying on social norms to dictate what is right for you,” Dedeker Winston, co-host of the Multiamory podcast

Relationship Anarchists is different and distinctive from polyamory and consensual non-monogamy because while a majority of RA practitioners may be poly and/or CNM, you can be monogamous and still practice RA.  

Choose your own adventure relationships. “Designer Relationships” by Mark A. Michaels

This is in line with our last LOR topic of amatonormativity. Many ace and aro individuals are using RA as a way to navigate their relationships and future relationships, because RA can apply to any and all types of relationships, not just romantic or sexual. There is no hierarchy.

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COL632: LoR: Goals & Accountability

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this episode, the guys come together in the new year to discuss goals and accountability. As many begin each year making new year’s resolutions that they often never keep,  listen in as Ed and the cubs break down the reasons why this may be a regular occurrence. From creating your goal roadmap to making yourself accountable for the roads you take, listen in as the guys give yet another perspective on the wandering journey of relationship building.

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Landscape of Relationships: Goals & Accountability

New Years resolutions

The Hobbit and LOTR “The Road Goes Ever On”

The Road goes ever on and on,

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet.

And whither then? I cannot say.

  • Gotta know what “The Road” or our values are.  

Values List 

Four Domains 

  • Work/Education 
  • Relationships
  • Leisure 
  • Personal Health and Wellness 

Translating Values into Goals – “Be a mapmaker”

  • Chose three guiding values 
  • SMART goals (Specific, Meaningful, Adaptive, Realistic, Timely)
  • Immediate (24 hours), Short Term, Medium-Term goals, Long-Term goals
  • Living Goals vs Dead Person Goals
  • Make sure you are heading in the right direction.  Ex. downhill skiing
  • Expected barriers 

Accountability 

  • We are ultimately responsible for our actions 
  • We get to be accountable to the goals we set for ourselves and the map that we make.
  • Feelings, situations, emotions, urges, memories are going to happen.  Make sure you have the needed resources.
  • Be mindful of avoidance and unhelpful sticky thought patterns
  • Be willing to address unhelpful patterns
  • Remember: you can always change your course, but at what and whose expense?  Honor your values and your commitments 
  • Let someone know your goals and work towards shared accountability.
  • Feeling guilty?  Good. You have values. 
  • Remember, not all those who wander are lost. Keep going.  
  • Progress is not always a straight line.  

 

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COL598: Landscape of Relationships: Trust Part Two

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. This time the guys discuss trust. For this second part, the guys continue their break down of the anatomy of trust. Listen in as the cubs open their vaults and get courageous in the face of judgment. As integral parts of the anatomy, the guys further discuss vulnerability and how it is important to trust with others and themselves.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Trust

  • What is trust?

Brené Brown: Anatomy of Trust 

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COL595: Landscape of Relationships: Trust Part 1

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. This time the guys discuss trust. For this first part, the guys begin to break down the anatomy of trust. From the romantic to the familial, Ed leads the cubs through the initial tenets as they begin to break down what trust truly is.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Trust

  • What is trust?

“Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else” – Charles Feldman

“Mistrust is what I shared with you that is important to me is not safe with you.” – Charles Feldman 

Vault -”Common enemy intimacy”

Brené Brown: Anatomy of Trust

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