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COL649: LoR: Red Flags, Green Flags

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss the potential red, yellow and green flags in relationship and kink dynamics. While a potentially funny meme, these flags are no laughing matter. Listen in as the cubs unfurl some details and give some insight into looking out for the signals of a healthy (and unhealthy) relationship.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Red Flags, Green Flags

What are Relationship Flags?

  • Relationship flags are indicators of healthy, unhealthy, and dangerous behaviors or feelings within relationships.  
  • They can be red, yellow, or green.  

Red Flags 

  • Controlling behaviors 
  • Violence 
  • Emotional and verbal abuse 
  • Intentional sabotage or hurting of feelings
  • Walking on eggshells 
  • Friends and family (support) are not trusting of your partner
  • Using things against you that were told in confidence
  • Usually can improve for short periods of time but abuse is usually cyclical 

 Yellow Flags 

  • All or nothing communication 
  • Pushes boundaries 
  • Codependency or enmeshment 
  • Difficulty with finding things in common 
  • Lack of similarities with goals and values 
  • These can be improved upon in meaningful ways 

Green Flags 

  • Healthy communication 
  • Respecting boundaries 
  • Interdependence 
  • Supportive of goals and values 
  • Knowing love languages
  • Awareness that no relationship is perfect 

Let’s Get Kinky 

Red Flags in Kink 

  • Expect you to immediately obey them and call them an honorific or title before agreed upon/Call you a title one honorific immediately before agreed upon
  • Don’t ask you about your hard or soft limits
  • Tell you what “real” or “true” submissive or a dominant does 
  • Separate you from friends and family or kinky friends 
  • Tell you that they have no limits and expect you to have no limits as well
  • Expect you, as the Dominant, to take full responsibility for their health and wellbeing, both physically and emotionally
  • Dismiss opinions 
  • Dictate how your dynamic will go 

Green Flags in Kink 

  • Want to get to know you on a deeper level, and have an interest in more than just your kinks and sexual preferences
  • They won’t do anything without your expressed consent, and will respect your stated boundaries and limits, as well as sharing their own
  • They’re interested in hearing about your journey in kink, as well as what turns you on and off, along with your opinions on how you’d like your dynamic to grow
  • They respect your existing friendships and relationships, even if they may not be directly introduced to the other important people in your life
  • They emphasize the importance of safety, consent, negotiation, and safe words in kinky dynamics
  • They take responsibility for their actions, understanding that you are not the cure for their problems

If you feel you are in a dangerous relationship situation.  Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

Resources 

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COLDR: S8E4: New Wave Queens

COLDRS8-Ep4Can you hear them? They’re talking ‘bout RuPaul’s Drag Race! It’s an 80’s neon fantasy flashback on this episode of COLDR! Time after time, Gary and Damon present this radical episode as the gurls team up in a singing/songwriting challenge. Who’s totally awesome and who gags us with a spoon?

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Weekly Topic

RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 8 Episode 4

First Impressions:

  • [Gary]: Party, Punk, & Synth…?
  • [Damon]: 80s Neon Remix

Thoughts on This Episode:

  • [Gary]: Communication is Key
  • [Damon]: It’s Good to be Humble(d)/No Excuses

Thoughts on Untucked:

  • [Gary]: Naysha Lopez shines thru
  • [Damon]: Sisterhood come thru!/Under-confidence

Cooldown Topics

Takeaways:

  • [Gary]: A true lip-sync for their lives
  • [Damon]: Lookout for NY

Snaps / Eyerolls:

  • [Gary]: Snaps for… Chicken Wings and Robbie Turner! AND Robbie’s hospitality
  • [Gary]: Eyerolls for… Synth Leftovers Group
  • [Damon]: Snaps for…OMG Blondie!
  • [Damon]: Eyerolls for…Naysha Taking off her shoes!!

Closing Thoughts:

  • [Gary]: This is your real competition
  • [Damon]: The RuRu Sisterhood

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