In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Let’s Talk About… For this episode the topic is…ummm…aging! While they may refer to themselves as cubs, the hosts have definitely gotten older over time. And with that passage of time, things have also changed for them physically, mentally and beyond. With Gary reaching a milestone birthday later this year, what are some of the new experiences the guys have had in recent years and are there any lessons of wisdom that others could learn? What might younger members of the community have in store for their future? Listen in as these old gays–I mean cubs–wax nostalgia about getting older, but wiser.
Show Topic
LTA… Aging
While we may refer to ourselves as cubs, it’s been a bit o’time since COL got started. And with that passage of time, things have also changed for us physically and beyond. As Gary leads the pack in reaching a new milestone birthday later this year, what are some of the new experiences we’ve had in recent years? Are there any lessons of wisdom that others could learn from? What might younger members of the community have in store for their future?
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. The cubs are once again joined by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke for this insightful look into one-sided parasocial interactions. From celebrities to social media influencers, learn how these types of relationships are formed without the others’ knowledge and also the positive and negative impacts they can have on the person creating it. Please like, comment and subscribe to learn more.
Show Topic
Landscape of Relationships: Parasocial Interactions
Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships where one person invests lots of time, energy, interest, and sometimes money where the other person is completely unaware of the other person’s existence. Parasocial relationships are most common with celebrities, organizations, television stars, and social media. These relationships are created through parasocial interactions (PSI) through mediated encounters with performers through mass media.
Social media offers an added layer of interaction for these relationships to intensify through likes, comments, and direct messaging.
Alief – def. knowing something isn’t real but feeling like it is
Positive Outcomes of Parasocial Relationships
*Identity Formation
performers can offer autonomy in relationships where they can receive total acceptance outside of parents/family.
provide a secure relationship without the fear of rejection.
feeling a part of a group
empathy
*Learning
Bandura’s Social Learning Theory says that social behavior is learning and imitating the behaviors of others.
Shows like Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, Sesame Street, Dora the Explorer, Blue’s Clues, and more recently Bluey all offer kids opportunities to learn through identification with these characters.
Negative Outcomes of Parasocial Relationships
*Body Image
research has indicated a negative relationship between parasocial relationships and body image, as well as self-comparison, social comparison with characters increases negative body image
interestingly among men, having a PSR with a superhero is likely to protect body image, where not having a PSR with a superhero is likely to hurt body image
the usage of filters in social media (like airbrushing in print media) has greatly increased, giving a false reality of performers.
*Aggression
more aggressive viewers were more likely to identify with aggressive characters and create PSR with them.
*General
anxiety media views are more likely to be more invested in parasocial relationships
parasocial relationships are one-sided and different traditional friendships
the whole hegemonic masculinity thing
parasocial breakups and grief “what happens when they ‘betray’ you or they die?” Research indicated this follows the patterns of a relationship breakup
can create bias in reality
Topics of PSR
Taylor Swift “Swifties”, Lizzo “Lizzbeans”
Twitter/Only Fans
Reality TV Stars
Vloggers/Podcast hosts
Fictional Characters
Tiktok
Politicians
Be mindful of the media you are consuming and how that translates into your other relationships and the real world.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Let’s Talk About…Well, actually, the guys bring back COL Movies for a bit to discuss the movie “Bros”. Talked up as the first mainstream LGBT rom-com, listen in as the cubs share their thoughts on the film, its hype and the recent uproar it has received from fans and critics alike. Does it live up to expectations or is it just another gay movie?
Show Topic
LTA… BROS (film)
Hollywood made the first ever ‘mainstream’ all LGBTQ romantic comedy, BROS. Opening weekend box office numbers did not match expectations/hopes. Opinions abounded online with digital finger pointing. Having seen the film, what do we think are the ups and downs of this movie? Did it meet our expectations? Do we care about it much?
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the cubs present another chapter of our “What Is…” series. The guys are joined by COL Resident Sex Therapist Edward Angelini-Cooke to unravel authenticity. As many folks had time on their hands in 2020 to be introspective, the idea of being authentic to themselves and what that means rang true. But, what does this mean and what steps can one take to find authenticity?
Show Topic
Our ‘What is…’ series – focusing on Authenticity. We survived 2020 which tried us in so many ways. Some took the opportunity to look inward and reflect on self-improvement.
Authenticity is a process, that involves progress and context
“The Good Place” – We can’t just forget our progress
Phones don’t allow us to do that….every video can be interpreted as a present moment in time
YouTube creators deleting content reduces authenticity similar to ripping up pages in a diary so you are only seeing “the good stuff”
Similar to “Burn” in Hamilton
Brené Brown is a social worker and researcher with the University of Houston’s Graduate School of Social Work. She has spent the past two decades studying courage, shame, empathy, and vulnerability.
Basically, in order for us to practice authenticity, we need courage, compassion, and connection.
Fear keeps us distant from courage where vulnerability gets us closer
Sympathy keeps us distant from compassion where empathy gets us closer
Shame keeps us distant from connection where vulnerability, empathy, power, and freedom get us closer.
“The Compass” analogy
Values = North, West, South, East
Action = Points on the map
Ten Questions to explore authenticity
What is my greatest strength? What is my greatest weakness?
What is my proudest achievement? What is my biggest failure?
What am I worried about? (Think about a room where all your worries live…what is in there?)
What do I believe in? What are my values?
What am I interested in that I haven’t tried?
How are my relationships?
What do I like and dislike about my job?
What does my inner critic tell me?
Is your inner monologue more critical than not?
I know when I am stressed when I ____.
Think of a recent experience with a partner, friend, family member, or co-worker where you wanted to be authentic but weren’t. Imagine pausing at the height of this interaction and asking yourself the following questions:
What am I afraid would happen if I shared my experience right now with this person?
How will I feel if I don’t share what I’m thinking and feeling?
If I weren’t afraid, what would I most want to say to this person right now?
How can I share this with even more vulnerability?
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke for an in depth discussion on relationships. For this second part, the guys delve into boundaries and rules. With Edward’s help, the cubs discuss the similarities and differences between these two terms, how they relate to each person and those involved in the relationship, and also discord on the potential minefield of expectations. How do we set our boundaries? Are expectations a good or a bad thing? What’s on your relationship checklist? The guys hash out these questions and more.
Show Topic
The Landscape of Relationships – Boundaries and Rules
Boundaries (“I Will/I Won’t”) v. Rules/Agreements/Expectations (“You/We Won’t”)
debated topic within relationship communities
Is this a rule or a boundary?
Boundary as skin metaphor (protects us from bacteria, allows the good stuff in and sweats the bad stuff out, elastic with limitations [you can break skin], boundaries are about me
Rules are about us and you, jealousy, usually some form of control
Pros and Cons of Rules
Pros:
Contracts
Establishing or Re-establishing solid foundation of connection and intimacy
Conditional…not unilateral or controlling
Spoken
Cons:
Can be Controlling
Can be rigid and unhealthy
Can be Set up to be broken
Unspoken
Agreements are similar to the idea of a relationship contract or vows
Expectations are resentments waiting to happen
Kinds of Personal Boundaries
Emotional
Example: Don’t go to the hardware store for bread
Physical
Examples: allergies, personal bubble, DON’T COME INTO MY ROOM, MOM!!!!
Time
Examples: don’t make plans within 24 hours, I have office hours on Tuesdays
Sexual
Examples: Consent, Refer to checklist
Intellectual
Examples: Agree to disagree, awareness of who and what you are talking about
Material
Examples: Don’t lend out money, I need that sling back by Friday etc
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Let’s Talk About… For this episode the topic is…ummm…aging! While they may refer to themselves as cubs, the hosts have definitely gotten older over time. And with that passage of time, things have also changed for them physically, mentally and beyond. With Gary reaching a milestone birthday later this year, what are some of the new experiences the guys have had in recent years and are there any lessons of wisdom that others could learn? What might younger members of the community have in store for their future? Listen in as these old gays–I mean cubs–wax nostalgia about getting older, but wiser.
