Tag Archives: stress

COL710: LoR: Self-care

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss self-care. From taking time for your personal needs to finding your stress levels minimize while out with friends, listen as the guys analyze the ins and outs of self-care. But is providing self-care selfish? Find out as Dr. Ed helps the guys learn more about it.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Self-care

What is self-care?

The National Institute in Mental Health says that “self-care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health. When it comes to your mental health, self-care can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness, and increase your energy. Even small acts of self-care in your daily life can have a big impact” (NIMH, December, 2022).

Examples of self-care 

  • Exercise 
  • Eating well and hydration 
  • Regular sleep 
  • Relaxing activity 
  • Goal setting (realistic goals, I mean)
  • Gratitude 
  • Practice acceptance and mindfulness 
  • Stay connected 

What isn’t here? 

  • Important question when it comes to self-care.  Am I practicing self-care or am I avoiding something?
  • Short term discomfort for long-term gain

What does it mean to practice self-care in relationships?

Differentiation of Self

  • One of the cornerstones of Bowen family systems theory, which states that families are an emotional system.  A person’s ability to manage the relationship between individualization and togetherness determines someone’s differentiation of self.  
  • Differentiated individuals are able to manage conflict without emotional reactivity, maintain their I-state, reach compromises; whereas, undifferentiated individuals tend to fuse with others or blend their emotional state with others, or their will exhibit emotional cutoff, which is where someone will manage their own emotional process by creating emotional and physical distance with someone.  

Social Self-care 

  • No person is an island and neither are you, ok?
  • Sometimes self-care is connecting with others and working on our relationships with others. 
  • Six Hours to a Better Relationship 

Final thoughts 

  • Reach healthy differentiation of self by identifying your own needs in conjunction with your relationship needs….AND recognize, accept, and validate the individual needs of the members of your relationships.  You will do yourself and everyone else a HUGE favor.  
  • “Self-care ain’t selfish” – Adoom 
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COL694: LTAS: Masturbation (Day)

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Let’s Talk About Sex. This time around, the cubs are coming back to a topic that was previously discussed several years ago: Masturbation. As it’s National Masturbation Day and International Masturbation Month, the guys get hands on letting you all know how they spank the monkey. From self-love to gooning and all that’s in between, find out more about the healthy and unhealthy ways to seek self-pleasure.

Show Topic

LTAS: Masturbation (Day)

That’s right, a national holiday has arrived and it begs the question, how did you celebrate? This time around we discuss the day in the US dedicated to ‘self-care’, as well as the International Day coming up in a few weeks and the ENTIRE MONTH for our own health and wellness. From throwbacks in COL350 to now, let’s just say the hosts have put in some research first hand on today’s topic.

UrbanDictionary – Gooning

 

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COL663: WGO: August 2022

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of August. For this month, the guys discuss working hard, staycations, leather contests and getting older. As summer dies down, the cubs continue to keep things hot and cold (YAY fixed AC).

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Life, The Universe, Everything
  • Damon: Argos & Cincinnati Leather/Wedding Plans
  • Gary: Stress v Health

Feedback 

Facebook Follows & Likes:

  • เดอะ ฮัค ผู้น่ารัก [Thai: The cute hulk]
  • David Henderson
  • Kenny Franklin
  • Kahector Makilan
  • Claudio Borrell Ferrer
  • Anminas As
  • احمد ابراهيم [Arabic: Ahmed Ibrahim]
  • Greg Aguilar
  • John Caprell
  • James Toney
  • Adam Hackel
  • Paulo Guiseppe
  • Angel Martin
  • Poncho
  • Tengiz Chuluhadze
  • Glenn Cooperman
  • Naty Soto
  • Claude Jones
  • Jared Mullen
  • Stephen Eudy
  • Timothy Strydom
  • Saad Mahsah
  • 2 Bears 1 Van Tour
  • ميدو عمري [Arabic: Mido my age]
  • Roberto Velez Echeverry

Facebook Mention:

  • Tony B: re: COL660: LTAK: The Leather Archives and Museum: Definitely enjoyed being on the show gushing about LA&M. Have taken quite a few people there over the years. Will be back in November most likely. (Assuming the world… ya know.)

Twitter Followers

  • @Tonyjef96741571
  • @yyuan5987
  • @bendbear63
  • @HenWo95385740
  • @CubsterDan
  • @JeanCarlos9o
  • @sirwilliams08
  • @raff4134
  • @AgnobisR
  • @Vicente26741623
  • @moooox77
  • @aljman1981
  • @ariellopez8919
  • @sadeceisk
  • @Miguel68180309
  • @andrenina44
  • @martinez1105191
  • @Screwdriver4141

Voicemail

  • Voicemail from 8/14/22

Patreon Updates

  • Welcome our newest Cubster level Patron, Daniel C. who joined us 8/1/22!
  • Our apologies for mistakenly skipping recognition of David T. who joined Patreon on 7/10/18. Thank you for being with us for four years now!
  • BIG BEAR CUB HUGS to our Patrons: 
    • Cubsters: Charles W. and Daniel C.
    • Ubehrs: Dave T., Li, Michael Q, and Tim S.
    • plus our Buddies: J.R., Lloyd G., Michael V, and Zack B.

Recent Shows

  • COL658: WGO: July 2022
  • COL659: LTAS: Monkeypox v Social Media
  • COL660: LTAK: The Leather Archives and Museum
  • COL661: LOR: Queer Platonic Relationships
  • COL662: Jeff’s Decade of Delirious Birthdays

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COL623: What’s Going On – October 2021

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of October. It’s the end of Halloween month and the cubs bring us up to date on their lives as harvest closes. From working times to vacation vibes, it’s been quite the busy month for the guys.

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Nesting and Achievements
  • Damon: Enjoying the Swing and Time Off
  • Gary: Ramped Up and Getting Busier

Feedback 

Facebook Likes:

  • Andrew Edwards
  • Blu McDavid
  • Thomas McDonagh
  • Khan Khans

Facebook Comment/Post:

  • Edward AC re: COL621: LoR: Creating Your Party: – Here is the image we were discussing!

YouTube Subscribers:

  • Enrique Balzaretti

YouTube Comment:

  • Oan R. re: COL620: LTAF: It’s Autumn Time – Damon: – What do you prefer in your apple.  Me: I prefer Gary. He’s the apple of my eye. Also Gary should get some cranberries and pecans, a nice pie crust and some flour and cinnamon for topping. Maybe throw some crystallized ginger in there too.
  • dindin mooshi re: COL621: LoR: Creating Your Party – Good topic, interesting discussion, relationship dynamics and interactions of LGBTQIA ppl are so peculiar, we are so different compared to the heteros. PS: Thank you ED. 

Twitter Comment:

  • @Awq_Oan Oct 3: Thoughts on today’s episode of @cubsoutloud from the : Man, I must say, Gary was looking nice today. Also, they all had some interesting points about the things. Yes. Well done.
  • @Awq_Oan – Oct 15: Anybody remember when on @cubsoutloud Jeff started talking about apples and Damon was saying how much he hated applesauce and then Gary was talking about how he has to many apples and I was just thinking about rubbing against his beard? Good times.
  • @Awq_Oan – Oct 15: G A R L I C S A L T E D B O O T Y H O L E @cubsoutloud

Recent Shows

  • COL619: WGO: September 2021 
  • COL620: LTAF: It’s Autumn Time
  • COL621: Landscape of Relationships: Creating Your Party
  • COL622: LTAS: Horror Stories

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COL609: Landscape of Relationships: Forgiveness

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this one, the guys continue the discussion from COL604 about apologies and move on to forgiveness. What is forgiveness? After apologizing, should you ask for forgiveness? Are there any benefits to forgiving someone? The cubs give their answers to these questions and more.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Forgiveness

Last time we talked about apologies, and we started to talk about the process of forgiveness and how that can relate to the apology process.  

According to the 5 languages of apologies, requesting forgiveness is the last language….and I disagree.  I don’t think it is fair to request, assume, or expect someone to forgive you.  The responsibility lies on the person hearing the apology whether or not they want to forgive the situation….because at the end of the day, it isn’t really about that other person….it is about them.

So what is forgiveness?

“Forgiveness” is the act or process of forgiving or being forgiven.  And “forgive” means to end the resentment or anger felt towards another person, situation, or think for an offense, flaw, or mistake.  

Cultural idea that forgiveness is one of the greatest of virtues, the highest form of love, and necessity for good mental and physical health. This view says that forgiveness helps reduce stress, blood pressure, lowering risk of heart attacks, and other mental health concerns such as depression and anxiety.  

Studies have indicated that the benefits of forgiveness include lowered cholesterol, decreased risk of heart attacks, and other mental health concerns such as anxiety and depression.  

The problem with this model is that it gives the idea that forgiveness is the only path and if you don’t forgive an unapologetic person, then you are somehow less spiritual and more inclined to physical and emotional problems.  Rushing to forgive can have its own costs as psychologist Janis Abraahms Springs believes.  

In “Why Won’t You Apologize”, Harriet Lerner mentions that many of her clients are not necessarily looking to forgive someone but rather to be rid of the anger, bitterness, resentment, and pain.  They want to let go.  We don’t have to forgive in order to let go.  While for some people, seeking to forgive others may be the goal and an important part of their spiritual journey.  That is called radical forgiveness.  Studies indicate that forgiveness is important to a successful relationship.  

To go back to the health benefits of forgiveness…it is more the act of letting go of what you can’t control that is the most healing.  

Apologies should never be forced, demanded, or commanded.  “It’s been twenty years, why can’t you forgive him?”  

Forgiveness also isn’t all-or-nothing.  We can forgive someone 95 percent to 2 percent or anywhere in between.  It is up to you.  And that is powerful.  

Also….lets not forget self-forgiveness or self-compassion.  We are oftentimes our own worst enemy.  We need forgiveness just as much as other people….if not more.  

Final thing: You do not need to forgive a person who has hurt you in order to free yourself from the pain of negative emotions.  And it is no one else’s job to tell you to forgive…or not to. 

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