Tag Archives: space

COL649: LoR: Red Flags, Green Flags

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss the potential red, yellow and green flags in relationship and kink dynamics. While a potentially funny meme, these flags are no laughing matter. Listen in as the cubs unfurl some details and give some insight into looking out for the signals of a healthy (and unhealthy) relationship.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Red Flags, Green Flags

What are Relationship Flags?

  • Relationship flags are indicators of healthy, unhealthy, and dangerous behaviors or feelings within relationships.  
  • They can be red, yellow, or green.  

Red Flags 

  • Controlling behaviors 
  • Violence 
  • Emotional and verbal abuse 
  • Intentional sabotage or hurting of feelings
  • Walking on eggshells 
  • Friends and family (support) are not trusting of your partner
  • Using things against you that were told in confidence
  • Usually can improve for short periods of time but abuse is usually cyclical 

 Yellow Flags 

  • All or nothing communication 
  • Pushes boundaries 
  • Codependency or enmeshment 
  • Difficulty with finding things in common 
  • Lack of similarities with goals and values 
  • These can be improved upon in meaningful ways 

Green Flags 

  • Healthy communication 
  • Respecting boundaries 
  • Interdependence 
  • Supportive of goals and values 
  • Knowing love languages
  • Awareness that no relationship is perfect 

Let’s Get Kinky 

Red Flags in Kink 

  • Expect you to immediately obey them and call them an honorific or title before agreed upon/Call you a title one honorific immediately before agreed upon
  • Don’t ask you about your hard or soft limits
  • Tell you what “real” or “true” submissive or a dominant does 
  • Separate you from friends and family or kinky friends 
  • Tell you that they have no limits and expect you to have no limits as well
  • Expect you, as the Dominant, to take full responsibility for their health and wellbeing, both physically and emotionally
  • Dismiss opinions 
  • Dictate how your dynamic will go 

Green Flags in Kink 

  • Want to get to know you on a deeper level, and have an interest in more than just your kinks and sexual preferences
  • They won’t do anything without your expressed consent, and will respect your stated boundaries and limits, as well as sharing their own
  • They’re interested in hearing about your journey in kink, as well as what turns you on and off, along with your opinions on how you’d like your dynamic to grow
  • They respect your existing friendships and relationships, even if they may not be directly introduced to the other important people in your life
  • They emphasize the importance of safety, consent, negotiation, and safe words in kinky dynamics
  • They take responsibility for their actions, understanding that you are not the cure for their problems

If you feel you are in a dangerous relationship situation.  Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

Resources 

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COLDR: AS4E07: Queens of the Club

In this episode of COL Drag Race ‘T-Time’, Gary and Damon hit the clubs as the queens give us Drag Race…After Dark! In a design challenge to celebrate the nightlife, the gurls were painting and presenting their hip and trendy clubs then strut the stage in their plastic fantastique. The cubs give their critiques of this fun new challenge. Whose club has a waiting list and which is shutting down?

WEEKLY TOPIC

RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars Season 4

Queen Clubs Challenge:

  • [Damon] – Wild and Weird
  • [Gary] – Fun, Self-Centered, Kooky

Runway:

  • [Damon] – Some Hits and Misses
  • [Gary] – It’s All About Bringing More to the Runway

Lip Sync for Your Legacy:

  • [Damon] – WTF?!??!
  • [Gary] – Talk About Crazy Strange…

Snaps & Eyerolls:

  • [Damon] – Snaps for…Latrice and the Coveralls/Monet’s Runway
  • [Damon] – Eyerolls for… Trinity’s LSFYL
  • [Gary] – Snaps for… Finally! A NEW FUN CHALLENGE
  • [Gary] – Eyerolls for… Reality vs Fantasy

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COL302: LTAS: The Role You Were Meant to Play

Keep-calm-and-role-play-4In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined by the handsome Ches to discuss roleplaying. From a more fantasy, “vanilla adjacent” view, we talk about our own involvements with roleplay, what one can enjoy from it, and our own personal fantasies.

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What’s Going On?

  • [Jeff] – I got nothing
  • [Damon] – Mardi Gras Party
  • [Gary] – Mother Nature Made Us Change Plans (again)

Feedback:

Facebook: Chris Furton & John Patterson

Bear Underground: jonathanwilde & Toad

Weekly Topic

LTAS: Roleplay

  • Who has done it?
  • What were our experiences, if any?
  • Have we fantasized about it?
  • Do we think it’s healthy, prudish, wrong?
  • What is the difference between role-playing for sex vs kink?
  • Is role-playing about the physical or the psychological?

I’ll Tumbl For You:

Links:

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COL167: The Tech Corner

In this weeks episode, the boys discuss why we eat foods that cause us … distress. We also find out what gadgets the boys simply can not live without. Craigslist brings us farts, how to find a hottie in a Goodwill store, and an almost rape. All this and we discuss Voyager and crazy Carl Sagan

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So what the F did you do this week?

This week on COL Movies
This week on Heat Sinks

Topics:

  • [Ben] Why the hell do we eat stuff that tastes so damn good, especially when we know it makes us fucking sick the next morning…
  • [Robert] Our Favorite Tech – What gizmo, gadget, or dodad can we abso-fuckin-lutely not do with out.

Poll of the Week: What gadget do you now possess can you not live without?

Love On Craigslist – Bringing The Best Of Love And Lust To You!

Picks:

Voltron Kitty

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