Tag Archives: social

COL428: It’s a Mystery

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys take some time to talk about . . . something. What the something is, you’ll have to listen in and find out. The mystery begins.

Introduction Topics

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Ringless
  • Damon: Mr. Cincinnati Leather
  • Chester: Food truck festival!
  • Gary: Bear Foam Party Effects

Feedback:

YouTube Subscribers:

  • Cbrook2012
  • Tony Lien

Tumblr Followers:

Tumblr Comment:

  • Triadcub: By the way I love y’all over at COL. listen every week. Plus y’all are hot! Have a great evening.

Weekly Topic

And we’re talking about….?

Cooldown Topics

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COL417: LTAK: Consent & Respect 2 Part 2

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another Let’s Talk About Kink. This time around we bring back an old topic in light of recent discussions on social media. The guys are joined by kink favorites Ms Tammy and Ches as well as Brady, Mr. North American Bear Cub 2017 and Ray, Mr. North American Bear 2016 to contemplate consent and respect. In this second part, the guys talk about how to stop things from going wrong with consent and what to do when things do go wrong. Listen in as we continue talking about this deep subject.

Weekly Topic

Let’s Talk About Kink: Respect and Consent

Our previous episode COL314 [found here] was nearly two years ago. Some things though do not change with time…

Cooldown Topics

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COL399: Tabletop Gaming

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the cubs roll the dice on the topic of tabletop gaming. Listen in as the guys throw their cards on the table about what games they enjoy, what they like and don’t like about tabletop and card gaming. From the groans when someone mentions Monopoly to the joy and excitement of Exploding Kittens, have some fun gathering around for a great gaming adventure.

Introduction Topics

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: AGDQ
  • Damon: Fuck You, Mother Nature!
  • Chester: Travel!
  • Gary: Ick

Did I Do That?

Feedback:

Facebook Likes:

  • Brady Adams
  • Mathew Scheuring (Shoo-ring)
  • Jake Dzadon (Zay-duhn)
  • Joshua Vijiyakumar

Facebook Comment:

  • Chester Beltowski: I’m listening to episode COL398: Bud Sex and I am laughing my ass off at the “old fluids” bit, man I wish I was on the show for this! BTW Damon, the “wall” you were describing can be considered anthropologically significant.

YouTube Subscribers:

  • Chels m
  • PAPAxPALPATlNE
  • Maxx Dennis
  • Adam Medina

Email:

From right after Christmas…

Hi, guys.  I’m about 2 months behind in listening to your podcast, and I’m having a problem with Chester’s “I’ll Tumbl For You” links.  Whenever I try to open one (current example), I get “The URL you requested could not be found.”  I tried following Chester’s “The Cub Up There” blog back to the date of the show (slow-scrolling thru 2 months of backlog), but I couldn’t find anything there that looked like what he described on the show.

Is it possible that Chester deletes his Tumblr posts after the “Cubs Out Loud” podcast?

Keep ’em coming, & merry holidays,

Henry

Atlanta, Ga.

From after COL398 ‘Bud Sex’

Hi there cubs!

First of all, Happy New Year and thanks for having Hadrian read those stories a few episodes ago! It definitely made the cold weather somewhat warmer 😀 Second, I just finished listening to the Bud Sex episode you just released. I also briefly read the scientific journal article afterward. Being that you have indirectly summoned the COL scientist (thanks for the title, Jeff), I considered writing about a few things relevant to the discussion.

  1. Defining/measuring sexual orientation: A few of you mentioned the Kinsey scale to define sexual orientation. As revolutionary as this scale was back in the 50s, it does not represent sexual orientation accurately. Consider it more of a legacy instrument than a good one to define and measure sexual orientation. More recent models have proposed at least 3 dimensions to sexual orientation that can explain most of what we observe: identity, behavior, attraction.

        Identity refers to how you define yourself, in this case, sexually. If you identify as gay, bi, straight, queer, etc. that is your identity.

        Behavior refers to what people do sexually. In other words, who are people having sex with?

        Attraction refers to the gender you are attracted to.

Further, imagine that these 3 dimensions can be measured on a scale (for example, 1 to 10) instead of a “yes” or “no.” For example, I identify as gay (10) and do not identify as bi (0), straight (0), or queer (0); I have only had sex with men (10) and I have not had sex with women (0); and I feel very attracted to men (9) and a little attracted to women (3).  Now, based on our understanding of sexual orientation with these 3 dimensions we can conceive the existence of men who identify as straight, have sex with men and women at different levels, and feel attracted to both males and females at different levels. That is what sociologists, anthropologists, and the community at large may consider MSM, brojob, or bud-sex dude. Consider also those guys who identify as gay (8-10), who have only had sex with women because of social expectations or other reasons, and may be attracted to men way more than to women. I have met bears who were married, had kids, ended up getting a divorce, and are in a current relationship with another guy. They do not consider themselves as bisexual. The combinations are endless and could also encompass asexual (identity) people who are not interested in sex (behavior), but like people of their own, opposite, or both genders(attraction). I have found in my own research that this model captures way more information than a simple yes/no or Kinsley scale. Also, with this more comprehensive model, there is no need to challenge anyone’s identity because of who they are having sex with. Science is not barely catching up. In psychology we have had this and similar models for a long time (probably 30 years) but since it is more complicated to understand and does not raise much controversy, popular publications outside the field pay little attention.

  1. Sample size: Yes, 19 participants are not much and all of them are self-selected. Both things affect generalizability. Unless you have millions of dollars to conduct a study or you are gathering data for a census, this limitation is common, especially on research using interviews as the method to collect data. This limitation does not prevent the information to be valuable, especially when it elicits new ideas and a few hypotheses just like the ones Hadrian presented.

As usual, if you have any extra questions please let me know.

Cisco

Twitter Followers:

Tumblr Followers:

Tumblr Message:

  • Several private photos from GBearTrekker65, there’s also a photo of him with another person, is this your partner?

Weekly Topic

Bears and Tabletop Gaming

Why do so many bears like TTG/CG?

  • Common interest
  • Forced social interaction

Kickstarter:

  • Cards Against Humanity leads the charge
  • Exploding Kittens, Joking Hazard
  • Bears vs Babies!

Chester’s Quick Poll Results:

  1. Favorite Games
    1. Betrayal at House on the Hill (because the game changes every time you play it)
    2. Magic: The Gathering (for deck customization)
    3. Super Dungeon (because it’s co-op)
    4. Zombicide
    5. Joking Hazard
  2. Preference for group size
    1. People enjoy going to parties with lots of people, but prefer to play in smaller groups
  3. Gaming at bear runs?
    1. Absolutely!  They feel that official time slots should be part of the event schedule
  4. Where do people find other gamers?
    1. Word of mouth
    2. Facebook groups (Bears Be Gaming, Nerdybears, Geekybears)
    3. Personal ads (growlr shouts)
    4. Bear Runs
    5. Gaming stores!
    6. Gaming bars!   

Cooldown Topics

I’ll Tumbl For You:

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COL388: Entourage Feedback

col388In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys take some time to look at some of your feedback! That’s right! Thanks to the listeners, the cubs are able to dedicate a whole episode to what you all wish to say to them.

Introduction Topics

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: 3 Down, 21 to go
  • Damon: OT/Interview
  • Chester: End of roadtrip, soulsearching
  • Gary: Changing Seasons

Feedback:

Facebook Likes:

  • Jeffrey Boan

 

YouTube Subscribers:

  • BEAR Bigass

 

Bear Underground:

  • AVidahl: Grrr!

Twitter:

  • Mark L
  • Chris Bulk

Tumblr:

  • Friedballoonobject
  • Theangrybeaver11
  • Redpanda007
  • Cubziz
  • Noctis69
  • Bearhuggercub
  • Eduard9486

Weekly Topic

It’s a COL Entourage feedback show!

From BearUnderground.net

Troy007s
Pvt msg to Chester:
Cubs out loud is back. Great. Same cast or some new members? (I replied)
Followed by:
Welcome to the group! How did you come to get involved? There wasn’t much talk of the show lately on this site but enjoyed listening to all the guys get together and talk about things. Does the group ever meet in person for events?

chubnerdchaser

Posted 1 month ago re: COL380 Power Hour 4

This one was definitely worth the watch on YouTube. The shirtless eye candy wasn’t available on my podcast audio. ;P

chubnerdchaser

Posted 2 months ago re: COL374: Bear Origins

Highly recommend listening to at least 374 if you’re not a regular listener. It’s really good. I laughed, I cried, I got a semi. Thanks for recording it!

chubnerdchaser

Posted 3 months ago COL372: LTAS: The DL Deal

Really loved this episode! As someone who is one of the (mostly) D/L guys, it was good to hear more from the other side of the coin. Also really glad you touched on the type of D/L guys who aren’t “out” about being into chubs or bears, even if they’re otherwise out as gay. It’s one of my pet peeves!

Keep up the great work!

chubnerdchaser

Posted 4 months ago re: COL367 Bear Issues….?

Loved this episode – thanks!

Email from Tony B.

Hi guys,

Gary recently told me online that I was mentioned in the latest episode. I admit I hadn’t listened since his adventures at Claw, simply haven’t had time. I did subscribe to the Youtube channel, but didn’t get any further.

But the latest episode appears to not be working, so I listened to 383 and wanted to chime in.

Young Bears:

Here in St. Louis, myself and another bear, started a new type of bear club back in 2002. “The Bears of St. Louis” or BOSL for short. The main local bear club (Show Me Bears) is based out of a bar and I’d

wager 99% of its events are held at the bar. So we started our club with the intent of NOT being bar based. This was two-fold. First, there was no overlap with the existing club, so we wouldn’t “steal members”, but second, it could grab a new audience.

And it did.

We had a *LOT* of college-aged involvement which is rare of standard bear clubs.

Their participation was because a lot of school-based LGBT clubs are geared more towards visibility and (at the time) equal rights and not so much for individuals tastes. So as people interested in bears, they didn’t feel at home there. They weren’t ignored, but the posters didn’t have muscle bears or hairy men, they were gay icons and “pretty boys”, not the gruff kind of men they found interest in.

BUT… we also had one 16 year old attend a potluck of ours, WITH his father. Sadly he didn’t come back. Not because of anything wrong, per se. Basically his father was a bear, just a straight one, and so everyone chatted with him. The young guy felt distanced because not only was his father getting all the attention (worst thing that could happen for a youth) but he wasn’t getting anyone hitting on him, and he was frustrated. I explained that part of it was because his father hit a lot of people’s interests and that he was still “dangerous” being still too young for most guys to associate with too much. The father loved the fact that his expectations were wrong. He assumed we’d be stereotypical gays and instead found himself standing around a BBQ pit with a beer in hand talking about sports… with a couple who had been together for 10+ years. So I’m certain we helped him adjust a little better in regards to his son. 🙂

But with most consent laws being 17 or 18 (depending on state), I can see where the 18 year old is the line, but for the most part, every run I’ve been to has enforced a 21-year or older requirement on their applications. And while it sucks, a lot of times it is because of the venues that the events are hosted at. (Bars, hotels, van/buses, etc.)

There is a need for groups like this. Sadly our group fell apart as it wasn’t designed to be anything more than a social group, so there was no real power structure in place and by 2004, it was gone. Was an amazing two years though. 🙂

One thing I’ll mention that our group also had in participation… Recovering alcoholics.

I never anticipated that, but by not doing events at the bar and providing non-bar based activities, we had a lot of participation from people who had to avoid alcohol.

Another group it attracted and I half-expected this… Couples.

Couples don’t tend to hit the bars a lot as the constant barrage of flirting, drunken gropes, etc, can be a bit much. But for a non-sexualized bear club, there was a lot of couples interested in coming to events.

So there is a market for non-bar based clubs. I know that’s a diversion off the 18-21 year old topic, but I wanted to mention some other groups that get overlooked by the current organizations out there.

Bisexuality:

I like the phrase “Bi-Now, Gay-Later”, very cute.

So, I dated a Bisexual Poly man, in a gay monogamous relationship (which became a triad) and it ended roughly a year after we started. He is currently married to a woman. I get asked how I feel about that and my comment is always “The only thing I’m upset about is that I didn’t get a damned invite to the wedding!”

Sexuality is fluid. I know a bisexual man who loves skinny women with huge boobs and big men (presumeably with moobs). I found it fascinating to hear him describe it all. But it is who he is.

I myself identify as gay, but I have seen women who I’d have sex with… Probably just morbid curiosity, but I could. I think. Maybe. *shrug* No real interest in finding out though. (And don’t tell my mother, or it’ll rekindle her questions about when I’m going to have kids. Oi.)

Onto the topic of Leather/BDSM play spaces and Sex/Gender issues:

One thing to point out is that there’s an interesting duality here. Play spaces mean different things to different segments of the Leather/BDSM world.

For the pan-sexual world, sex is one aspect of play, but it isn’t an identifier. The BDSM acts are.

For the gay world, sex *IS* our defining trait. We are gay because we want man-on-man action. Thus it is a focus.

And to me, THAT is where the separation comes in. Pansexual BDSM is about the BDSM, not sex. Gay BDSM is about fetishized sex. Not solely and they both cross paths, but the “what gets people hot” is different.

50 Shades of Grey makes gay leathermen giggle with how “quaint” it is. But for women, it’s amazing. By the same token, women who watch gay BDSM videos, they want the raw animal nature of it, the power exchange, the testosterone dripping during the scene…

Can a crossover happen at an event? That gets complicated, especially when it comes to the law. Because straight sex can create children… how would an event handle that? But I’m sure it could happen (and probably does, just not publically known.)

As such, most of the pansexual events I’ve seen are BDSM only, sex back in your room. While most gay events are BDSM mainly, but sex might happen, so be prepared.

Keep in mind, this is no different than bars. How many straight bars have a “back room”? Yet that was a mainstay in the gay bar scene for decades (and still exists in some areas).

Forced bisexuality in BDSM:

I disagree with the topic brought up that a straight couple, the man might force the woman to have sex with another woman…

There is ALWAYS a choice in BDSM. Even slaves CAN say no. (They might not like the consequences, but they can.)

And remember, pansexual BDSM is rarely about sex and more about the BDSM itself. So yes, a Dom male may force a sub female to “assist” with another sub female, but rarely would he force them into sex (unless that was negotiated as a possibility, etc.) and frankly, most Dom males would much prefer something more along the lines of binding one while having sex with the other and forcing the other to watch, much as many Dom males with two male subs would… The BDSM aspect is the same either way.

The problem we see is that as gay men, we don’t distinguish sex from BDSM. And so we assume a BDSM act between one man and two women would be sexual, but it may not be. Just as we would see three men together and if the only activity that happened was bondage, we’d go “really? Just being tied up? No sex? Damn. What a waste.”

While the acts of BDSM are the same either way, one is more of sensuality and heightening arousal (pansexual) while the other (gay) is much more focused on the complete action from start to finish.

And again, is that fixed? Not at all. I’ve seen pansexual scenes that were to completion and I’ve been in gay scenes that involved no sex. But we tend to drift to categorize based on what we like… and we have to watch out for that assumption.

Just my thoughts.

Great episode and look forward to the next one. (Soooooo nervous about how I got brought up. Hehe…)

Cooldown Topics

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COL263: Fostering Fathers

FosterFathersDay2In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, we chat LIVE with two foster fathers Buzz and Jeremy. We discuss the ups and downs of being foster parents and the joys of being dads. We learn more about the foster care system and the potential issues that can occur.