Tag Archives: satisfaction

COL710: LoR: Self-care

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss self-care. From taking time for your personal needs to finding your stress levels minimize while out with friends, listen as the guys analyze the ins and outs of self-care. But is providing self-care selfish? Find out as Dr. Ed helps the guys learn more about it.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Self-care

What is self-care?

The National Institute in Mental Health says that “self-care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health. When it comes to your mental health, self-care can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness, and increase your energy. Even small acts of self-care in your daily life can have a big impact” (NIMH, December, 2022).

Examples of self-care 

  • Exercise 
  • Eating well and hydration 
  • Regular sleep 
  • Relaxing activity 
  • Goal setting (realistic goals, I mean)
  • Gratitude 
  • Practice acceptance and mindfulness 
  • Stay connected 

What isn’t here? 

  • Important question when it comes to self-care.  Am I practicing self-care or am I avoiding something?
  • Short term discomfort for long-term gain

What does it mean to practice self-care in relationships?

Differentiation of Self

  • One of the cornerstones of Bowen family systems theory, which states that families are an emotional system.  A person’s ability to manage the relationship between individualization and togetherness determines someone’s differentiation of self.  
  • Differentiated individuals are able to manage conflict without emotional reactivity, maintain their I-state, reach compromises; whereas, undifferentiated individuals tend to fuse with others or blend their emotional state with others, or their will exhibit emotional cutoff, which is where someone will manage their own emotional process by creating emotional and physical distance with someone.  

Social Self-care 

  • No person is an island and neither are you, ok?
  • Sometimes self-care is connecting with others and working on our relationships with others. 
  • Six Hours to a Better Relationship 

Final thoughts 

  • Reach healthy differentiation of self by identifying your own needs in conjunction with your relationship needs….AND recognize, accept, and validate the individual needs of the members of your relationships.  You will do yourself and everyone else a HUGE favor.  
  • “Self-care ain’t selfish” – Adoom 
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COL528: What is. . . Sexual Satisfaction?

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another “What is…” show. The guys return after a 2 week break and get down and dirty! The cubs describe sexual satisfaction. Is the release and orgasm the only way to show this, or can one be satisfied with pleasurable company?

Show Topic

What Is Series: Sexual Satisfaction

  • What do we consider sexually satisfying? Is completion important? Do we focus on others or ourselves?

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COL508: What is… Self-Love?

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys take a fan’s request and come up with a potential new ongoing segment. In this inaugural episode of “What is?”, the cubs discuss self-love. From describing the term to discussing applications in our lives, the guys give you some personal advice on how to love yourself. ‘Cus if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell can you love somebody else?

Show Topic

New Series! What is… Self-Love?

Discussion of the term ‘self-love’. Do we agree as co-hosts on what all is involved with loving ourselves?

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COL288: Let’s Talk About Kink – Protocols

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, we welcome back Ches and Matt to discuss the topic of protocols in a BDSM power exchange. From examples in their relationship, the cubs get to learn more about what protocols actually are and the benefits they serve the dom/sub relationship

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What’s Going On?

  • [Jeff] – Molten Corgi
  • [Damon] – Housebuying…meh
  • [Gary] – FOOD, FRIENDSHIP, and SNOW
  • [Ches] – Went to Makers Mark distillery with the huzbear yesterday; judged Mr. Crossings Leather last night – whip gone missing; getting excited for Midwest Bearfest
  • [Matt] – Too good for AT&T

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COL WEBSITE: About Us

From Anthony:

I am in love with this podcast! You guys are super funny and give really good advice. As someone who is young and came out fairly recently you guys have really helped me be informed I never knew I should know about as a gay man. You’re like the gay dads I wish I had. I love you guys a lot, keep doing what you’re doing and I look forward to whats next. ;3

P.S. You guys should do more stuff with Gabe, Matt, and Hadrian. And more on the road stuff with Gary. Please and thank you!

[Cubs Out Loud] Comment: “COL282: Let’s Talk About Kink – Dom/sub, you don’t say!”

From Reggie S.

Great job!  I’m really a bit sad I listened to this in the car on my way to work this morning as there were so many things I wanted to write down and say here in the comments.  I still have about 20 minutes more to listen to but I figure why not get it all down while it’s still got that hot french fry feeling!  First of all, thank you for doing this show, you’re providing a great service.  Secondly, thanks for having fantastically educated guests who don’t pull punches but delivered digestible doses of truth and education on a topic I am still coming to understand myself.  I’m still new to my life as a sub; being a black man in the United States who has race play as one of his kinks has taken some getting use to. That being said, your guests made one point that resonated deeply with me and I wanted to thank them and the show for it… Function over Form.  There have been many situations in my life as a gay man where I have felt very “on the outside”. Sir has proven to me that, despite any outside disqualifications I may have to any given group, I do have things to offer. I wouldn’t be so bold as to speak for Sir but he has never denied me. I am his boy. Regardless of whatever preconceived notions I still have of my outside appearance or the validity of this relationship to others, he has never failed to make me feel like his and that has in many ways allowed me to feel what it is like “on the inside”.  Thanks again and keep up the great work.  😀

Weekly Topic

Protocol

  • What is Protocol? [Definition, types, examples]
    • Rules, rituals, formalized behaviors
      • hard and fast rules
      • situational suspension of protocol
      • growth, progress and process
    • Immediate service-based protocol
    • Distance protocols
    • Examples
      • Speech/communication/signals
        • use of titles, names, modes of speech
          • interruptions
        • check-ins, reports, being “on call”
        • hand signals, gestures
        • reflection protocol – diary, blog, vlog, etc.
      • Clothing
        • by setting
        • prohibited/required items
      • Body position
        • presentation
        • movement in groups
      • Direct service
        • Sexual service
          • Chastity, orgasm control/denial
        • Situational behavior – social, public, private
      • Prohibited behaviors
      • Assigned tasks/programs of behavior
    • Creating/Implementing protocols in a power-exchange dynamic
      • purpose (narrow vs. broad)
        • personal development
        • communication purposes
        • expression of power imbalance
      • effectiveness (review, feedback)
        • periodic, contingency
      • changes to protocol
        • protocol stagnation, when protocol becomes habitual
      • pacing: too much, too little, too fast, too slow
  • What is it good for? (ie. What does everybody get out of it?)
    • What subs take away from protocols…
    • What Doms take away from protocols…
    • What outsiders take away from seeing the protocols of others…
  • What happens when protocol breaks down?
    • Keep it, fix it or scrap it?
    • Remember to focus on purpose and effectiveness at achieving that purpose

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