Tag Archives: real

COL649: LoR: Red Flags, Green Flags

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss the potential red, yellow and green flags in relationship and kink dynamics. While a potentially funny meme, these flags are no laughing matter. Listen in as the cubs unfurl some details and give some insight into looking out for the signals of a healthy (and unhealthy) relationship.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Red Flags, Green Flags

What are Relationship Flags?

  • Relationship flags are indicators of healthy, unhealthy, and dangerous behaviors or feelings within relationships.  
  • They can be red, yellow, or green.  

Red Flags 

  • Controlling behaviors 
  • Violence 
  • Emotional and verbal abuse 
  • Intentional sabotage or hurting of feelings
  • Walking on eggshells 
  • Friends and family (support) are not trusting of your partner
  • Using things against you that were told in confidence
  • Usually can improve for short periods of time but abuse is usually cyclical 

 Yellow Flags 

  • All or nothing communication 
  • Pushes boundaries 
  • Codependency or enmeshment 
  • Difficulty with finding things in common 
  • Lack of similarities with goals and values 
  • These can be improved upon in meaningful ways 

Green Flags 

  • Healthy communication 
  • Respecting boundaries 
  • Interdependence 
  • Supportive of goals and values 
  • Knowing love languages
  • Awareness that no relationship is perfect 

Let’s Get Kinky 

Red Flags in Kink 

  • Expect you to immediately obey them and call them an honorific or title before agreed upon/Call you a title one honorific immediately before agreed upon
  • Don’t ask you about your hard or soft limits
  • Tell you what “real” or “true” submissive or a dominant does 
  • Separate you from friends and family or kinky friends 
  • Tell you that they have no limits and expect you to have no limits as well
  • Expect you, as the Dominant, to take full responsibility for their health and wellbeing, both physically and emotionally
  • Dismiss opinions 
  • Dictate how your dynamic will go 

Green Flags in Kink 

  • Want to get to know you on a deeper level, and have an interest in more than just your kinks and sexual preferences
  • They won’t do anything without your expressed consent, and will respect your stated boundaries and limits, as well as sharing their own
  • They’re interested in hearing about your journey in kink, as well as what turns you on and off, along with your opinions on how you’d like your dynamic to grow
  • They respect your existing friendships and relationships, even if they may not be directly introduced to the other important people in your life
  • They emphasize the importance of safety, consent, negotiation, and safe words in kinky dynamics
  • They take responsibility for their actions, understanding that you are not the cure for their problems

If you feel you are in a dangerous relationship situation.  Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

Resources 

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COLDR: S11E11: Bring Back My Queens!

In this episode of COL Drag Race ‘T-Time’, Gary and Damon spill the tea on this latest controversial episode of Drag Race. It’s a makeover challenge (or is it a design challenge?) as some of the eliminated queens return and the remaining queens turn them into drag family. As the competition is heading towards the final lap, which queen has to take a pit stop? This is a jam-packed episode full of T, shade, and a lot a truth!

WEEKLY TOPIC

RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 11

Mini Challenge:

  • [Damon] – Liked the Fun
  • [Gary] – It was okay…?

Maxi Challenge:

  • [Damon] – A Different Twist on a Classic
  • [Gary] – A Design Challenge?

Stomp the Runway:

  • [Damon] – Someone was Robbed/Drag Fashion
  • [Gary] – Padding for Silky, Mis-match Fabric for Brooke, Costume vs Fashion…Again?

Let It All Hang Out Hunty:

  • [Damon] – What He Said
  • [Gary] – Being Real and Serving T

Lip Sync for Your Life:

  • [Damon] – Was this the lip syncing she was talking about?
  • [Gary] – The ‘meh’ that shook the world

Snaps & Eyerolls:

  • [Damon] – Snaps for…Vanjie’s Rudemption
  • [Damon] – Eyerolls for…SILKY, SILKY, SILKY
  • [Gary] – Snaps for… Ru Calling Out Silky, THAT Runway Look
  • [Gary] – Eyerolls for… Manufactured Drama

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COL483: Haunters Against Hate

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the cubs are joined by Paul Lanner, the creator of Haunters Against Hate. Paul gives the gory story of how HAH came to exist and how much it has grown since its beginnings. He also delights the guys with devilish details of his exploits as a designer and all-around horror fanatic.

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Show Topic

Guest Interview with Paul Lanner, creator of the non-profit Haunters Against Hate

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COLDR: S9E06: Snatch Game

In this episode of COL Drag Race T Time, it’s time for a little Snatch Game! That classic RuPaul staple makes its way into Season 9. Hear what the guys  have to say about the gurls’ impersonations. Plus, it’s more Madonna than you can shake a coned ta-ta at!

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Feedback:

  • Paul Hobby: Yay! I love this series. Kinda glad you guys did 2 twofers, partially because Gary didn’t get to compare every new queen on their entrance to a past queen(s). Love you girl, but your not good at it ?
  • Paul Hobby: The rest of your commentary is always entertaining and thought provoking btw

Weekly Topic

RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 Episode 6

Thoughts on This Episode:

  • [Gary] – How much did you prepare?
  • [Damon] – You know it’s coming…
  • [Chester] – Lots of good points, very little bad points

Thoughts on Untucked:

  • [Damon] – Farrah said what we were thinking/Something Jim said
  • [Chester] – Safe… or not?
  • [Gary] – The real show is online

Cooldown Topics

Takeaways:

  • [Chester] – No middle of the road left
  • [Gary] –  Have a plan, Keep it simple, Perfect it
  • [Damon] – Don’t Fuck It Up

Snaps / Eyerolls:

  • [Gary] – Snaps for… Valentina’s Miss Columbia & Madonna Sex Book Runway
  • [Gary] – Eyerolls for… Peppermint’s NeNe
  • [Damon] – Snaps for… Alexis’ Breathless Mahoney/”In Memory of…”
  • [Damon] – Eyerolls for… Aja’s runway
  • [Chester] –  Snaps for… Cynthia’s wardrobe malfunction
  • [Chester] – Eyerolls for… Cynthia’s Sophia Vergara

Closing Thoughts:

  • [Damon] – Queens playin’ other queens
  • [Chester] – Alexis is comin’ for ya’ll
  • [Gary] – The competition is about to begin

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