Tag Archives: RACK

COL713: WGO: September 2023

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of September. As the cubs finish the third quarter of the year, they find themselves busy. From work to traveling to work travels, listen in as the guys catch you up on their first fall month.

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Down Then Up
  • Damon: Cabin Trip & Future Plans
  • Gary: ½ Work Travel, ½ Misc

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YouTube Comment:

  • Re: COL706: Nerd Culture: Then vs Now – @MrRee-px1n: We nerd hard!️ Weekly Magic the gathering games since 97, geocaching, & bear hunting.
  • Re: COL707: LTAS: Fave Porn Tropes – @jordan3636: Does a cub not refer to a child? 

Voicemail

  • Sep 5, 4:49 PM – Hi. I was just calling to find out if y’all have ever done a podcast about. Skeleton Crew or demon doctor they’re creations of Joshua R Pangborn that are really bear friendly and big guy friendly. They’re awesome. And I just thought maybe a lot of the folks listening to your podcast might be interested in finding out about it, how to watch it and things of that nature. Just a suggestion. Thank you so much, bye-bye. 

Patreon Updates

  • BIG BEAR CUB HUGS to our Patrons: 
    • Cubsters: Charles W., Daniel C., and Michael K.
    • Ubehrs: Dave T., Li, Michael Q, and Tim S.
    • plus our Buddies: Lloyd G. and Michael V!

Recent Shows

  • COL709: WGO: August ‘23
  • COL710: LoR: Selfcare
  • COL711: LTAS: Tips for Better Selfies
  • COL712: LTAF: State Fairs ’23 Part 3

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COL688: LoR: Sexual Desire

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke joins the cubs again to discuss sexual desire. While not a usual LoR topic, it can be part of the conversation. Listen as Ed speaks on the complicated definition of sexual desire, where it comes from, and what impacts it in our day-to-day lives.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Sexual Desire

First, sexual desire is complicated. 

  • Is it an emotion? Yes
  • Is it a motivation? Yes
  • Is it a state of being? Yes
  • Is it required to have sex? Not necessarily

Sexual desire is the interest (or lack of interest) toward engaging in sexual activity.  This presents itself with thoughts, feelings, and fantasies.   Some people look at sexual desire existing on a spectrum from disgust to neutral to excited.

One way I have heard sexual desire described is akin to hunger.  And I like this analogy for a few reasons that we will discuss.  

Let’s go back to the idea of a smorgasbord….let’s imagine that there is not a Golden Corral that can hold the variety of sexual desire (Rule 34 of the Internet).  So when we talk about sexual desire, the limit does not seem to exist.  

What impacts sexual desire?

  • Biology/Evolution
    • Age can be a factor, Propagation of the species (sex as a reward); amygdala (emotional center) and hypothalamus (responsible for sexual arousal) Men’s desire is more based on visual cues when compared to women, cued interest “we don’t know why we desire something” v. uncued interest “has an origin story”; the “absolute territory” (Japanese zettai ryouiki), the band of skin between the bottom of the end of the skirt and the top of the socks.  Disclaimer: this is based on statistics and not all human behavior can be reduced to statistics.  If this isn’t your experience, it does not mean you are not valid.  
  • Medical
    • Low testosterone, heart disease, Cancer, physical pain, psychotropic medications
  • Relational
    • Relationship conflict, and sexual scripts 
  • Intergenerational
    • Abuse and religiosity and culture 
  • Psychological
    • Anxiety, Unhelpful body/sexual narratives, other sexual disorders
  • Social
    • Cultural sexual narratives and scripts 

“For most of Western Civilization low sexual desire has been a goal, not a problem.” – David Schnarch 

  • In a sex negative world, no wonder people are so confused about their sexual desires or lack thereof.  Remember the sexual smorgasbord idea?  If dominating cultural narratives created the smorgasbord, then there would only be a few options for a few people….the rest would be closed.

Resources:

 

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COL649: LoR: Red Flags, Green Flags

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss the potential red, yellow and green flags in relationship and kink dynamics. While a potentially funny meme, these flags are no laughing matter. Listen in as the cubs unfurl some details and give some insight into looking out for the signals of a healthy (and unhealthy) relationship.

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Red Flags, Green Flags

What are Relationship Flags?

  • Relationship flags are indicators of healthy, unhealthy, and dangerous behaviors or feelings within relationships.  
  • They can be red, yellow, or green.  

Red Flags 

  • Controlling behaviors 
  • Violence 
  • Emotional and verbal abuse 
  • Intentional sabotage or hurting of feelings
  • Walking on eggshells 
  • Friends and family (support) are not trusting of your partner
  • Using things against you that were told in confidence
  • Usually can improve for short periods of time but abuse is usually cyclical 

 Yellow Flags 

  • All or nothing communication 
  • Pushes boundaries 
  • Codependency or enmeshment 
  • Difficulty with finding things in common 
  • Lack of similarities with goals and values 
  • These can be improved upon in meaningful ways 

Green Flags 

  • Healthy communication 
  • Respecting boundaries 
  • Interdependence 
  • Supportive of goals and values 
  • Knowing love languages
  • Awareness that no relationship is perfect 

Let’s Get Kinky 

Red Flags in Kink 

  • Expect you to immediately obey them and call them an honorific or title before agreed upon/Call you a title one honorific immediately before agreed upon
  • Don’t ask you about your hard or soft limits
  • Tell you what “real” or “true” submissive or a dominant does 
  • Separate you from friends and family or kinky friends 
  • Tell you that they have no limits and expect you to have no limits as well
  • Expect you, as the Dominant, to take full responsibility for their health and wellbeing, both physically and emotionally
  • Dismiss opinions 
  • Dictate how your dynamic will go 

Green Flags in Kink 

  • Want to get to know you on a deeper level, and have an interest in more than just your kinks and sexual preferences
  • They won’t do anything without your expressed consent, and will respect your stated boundaries and limits, as well as sharing their own
  • They’re interested in hearing about your journey in kink, as well as what turns you on and off, along with your opinions on how you’d like your dynamic to grow
  • They respect your existing friendships and relationships, even if they may not be directly introduced to the other important people in your life
  • They emphasize the importance of safety, consent, negotiation, and safe words in kinky dynamics
  • They take responsibility for their actions, understanding that you are not the cure for their problems

If you feel you are in a dangerous relationship situation.  Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

Resources 

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COL622: LTAS: Horror Stories

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another installment of Let’s Talk About Sex. This time around, the cubs (sans Jeff) get into the spooky season with some sex horror stories. From bathrooms to bathhouses, the guys share their bad hookups while also giving advice on safer consensual practices to hopefully soften the blow of your next sex slip up.

Show Topic

Lets Talk About Sex: Horror Stories

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COL405: LTAK: Needle Play

In this episode Cubs Out Loud, Jeff, Gary, and Chester are joined by Dane for a chat about kink; or should we say poking? It’s another show in our Let’s Talk About Kink Series and this time we inject some thoughtful questions into the discussion. And for those of you that have a vivid imagination, we go easy on ya. Get ready with some deep breaths and listen in to the conversation that goes skin deep.

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Introduction Topics

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Same ole, Same ole
  • Gary: Need cheap meat that tastes good
  • Dane: Hockey/photo’s and setting up for BtW 2017 reg opening

Did I Do That?

  • Gary: On Gigaguess’ Tumblr…
    • For the record… Seeing that I am on someone’s tags as #tumblrcrush is massively flattering.  :p

Weekly Topic

Let’s Talk About Kink: Needle Play

Cooldown Topics

I’ll Tumbl For Ya:

Links:

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