Tag Archives: pressure

COL683: Trans Bear Listener 2

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined by BuilTABear, another trans listener who, after hearing COL514, shared his feedback and brought some perspective that may not have been touched on at that time 4 years ago. The cubs revisit the topic of trans identity and the bear community while also getting to learn more about BuilTABear’s upcoming projects regarding the older trans community.

Show Topic

Trans Bear Listener 2

In the summer of 2019, we did an interview with listener Trans Bear, or T-bear, to discuss previous episodes where we here and there touched on transness in the broader bear community. In 15 years of the podcast, our understanding of being trans has evolved. True to our nature, we’re excited to come back to this topic with another listener that reached out to us with feedback on episode COL514 from almost 4 years ago amongst others. Thank you BuilTABear for joining us!

  • What was discovering you’re Trans like?
  • What has your experience been so far with self-image, coming out to family, friends, co-workers?
  • How has the Bear community responded to you in general/specifically?
  • The NEW podcast series OG Transmen: Life After Transition
  • New Facebook business page: BUILTABEAR PRODUCTIONS 
    • Designed to be an information / networking hub for trans guys
    • There will be links to relevant articles, any trans producer podcasts, resource page links, trans guy product reviews, trans guy / LGBTQ merchandise, and whatever else comes up…

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COL601: Landscape of Relationships: FWB

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this installment, the cubs share their thoughts on FWBs, otherwise known as friends with benefits. What are the building blocks of this type of relationship and how do you make it work? And, what exactly are the benefits?

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Friends With Benefits

Is a friendship a relationship????

  • Thoughts?
  • Many cultures define friendships as a very important relationship
    • LGBTQ community- “chosen family”
  • Atlantic 2020 article that discussed the cultural and historical importances of friendships

The relationship escalator

A set of societal expectations for intimate relationships.  Partners follow a set of progressive set of steps, each with clear markers, with a goal in mind.

  • Making contact / Flirting
  • Initiation 
  • Claiming and defining 
  • Establishment 
  • Commitment 
  • Merging 
  • Conclusion 
  • Legacy

What does the science say about FWB relationships?

  • In 2017, 171 University of Denver students (more women than men) were surveyed on sexual satisfaction, commitment and trust of FWB relationships
  • Big takeaways? *drumroll please* communication and setting healthy boundaries
  • They found sexual satisfaction was important but so was sacrificing for the good of the partner, and not looking for the next best thing.
  • Why?  Lots of research is looking at young adults who are in school.  Romantic relationships are oftentimes an added stressor that takes away from studying.  Some students opt for FWB arrangements to reduce overall stress.  

How to make a “friendship with benefits” work.

  • FWBs are supposed to decrease pressure, not add pressure.  
  • You need to be friends in order to call it a FWB.  Those take time, trust, shared history, etc. 
  • Must be mutually beneficial and convenient 
  • If the FWB ends, you are allowed to be upset.  
  • It’s confusing to try to develop friendship founded on a sexual relationship guided by a rule system that has to be invented as you go. Or, when you’re trying to force a friendship so that you can add sex as a benefit, where does the friendship part fit in? That’s putting the benefits before the friendship.”
  • “Sexual exploration can and often does become a part of an existing friendship between consenting people. Or you may have been in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with this person earlier in your life, but now it’s morphed into a friendship. In such circumstances, the sexual connection may remain, or may be reintroduced. But the common thread is the history between you, the investment you share in the friendship, and the trust that has formed. You recognize that you both enjoy the chemistry, but that you may not be as compatible emotionally as you are sexually. It’s a mutually understood experience. The connection you have as friends determines whether this time in your life and in your relationship is right to be sharing benefits.”

Tips for Having a FWB relationship that isn’t a mess

  • Make sure you can handle the emotional complexities 
  • Define “friend” and “benefit” and make sure the other person is on the same page
  • Don’t start an FWB with someone who wants something more
  • Transparency with each other’s sexual history
  • FWB’s and Fuck Buddies are two different things
  • FWB relationships are about respect and boundaries
  • Prioritize the friendship over the benefits

 

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COL553: LTAK: Gear Part 2

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another Let’s Talk About Kink. The guys are again joined by Tony aka Cubziz to discuss gear. In this second part, the cubs get into the ownership and usage of gear. From intent of the usage to safety and storage, listen as the cubs start getting deeper into the larger aspects of gear.

Show Topic

Let’s Talk About Kink: Gear – Part 2

We’re joined one again by kinky boy Tony aka Cubziz for a chat about the ‘gear’ we see and experience when it comes to leather/BDSM/kink. 

  • General Terminology – see episode COL549
  • Kinds/Types/Categories – see episode COL549
    • Common
    • Social Acceptability
  • Owning/Usage
    • Storage/Cleaning
    • Safety

Part 2:

  • What’s involved in owning/using
    • The hardest part is figuring out your intent.
      • For yourself, your jollies or for others’ and/or their jollies.
      • Not always for yourself. Especially in role playing, you may not have an interest in a particular “gear” set, but they may, so your purpose is to arouse them and you enjoy the benefit, in that case.
        • But this CAN change… and frequently does. Someone who learns that they look damned hot in gear and they can get more action that way… will probably begin associating that extra sex with the gear, and thus it becomes seuxalized.
    • I mention because this will adjust the approach.
      • For yourself, being aroused by the wearing of the uniform… you may be happy with just a basic piecemeal uniform.
      • For yourself, but maybe for an image or concept of power… you may put your best into that uniform to achieve EXACTLY what you want.
        • Use Leather as an example here. I can throw a harness on or I can be dressed in full cow, both would make me a leatherman, but one is a bit more involved. Neither is more important, but today I may want a full cow attire, the next day a jock and harness are fine. But you determine your level of involvement for yourself there. (Likewise, if I’m going to a formal leather dinner, just the harness may not be acceptable in that context…)
      • Lastly, some people want it because of how it looks.
        • It isn’t necessarily a fetish, but it does get attention from others.
          • For example, this is a gear fetish item, but penis “packers” can be used as a confidence builder, showing a bit of a bulge. Even if it isn’t flesh, THEY feel better with their projection and thus enjoy it. (Even if it isn’t in a sexual way, just in a “normal” capacity.)
            • Each person determines their own purpose for the gear.
          • Cups are another example of an item that crosses between toy gear and fetish gear. Worn with a football uniform, it would be part of that uniform. Worn under a pair of tight fitting jeans… that may just be the toy gear side of things. Worn with a speedo… that might confuse people. But it could excite someone with that same fetish. 😉
    • On owning and using…
      • Before buying, determine your proper storage and cleaning.
        • Some sportsgear, for example, wrestling singlets needs to be treated better than your daily jeans.  (Never throw a singlet in with anything that has a zipper in fact, or the zippers will shred the lycra and you’ll have a billion burrs.)
        • But fireman’s attire? Pfft… Chuck that into the fastest roughest cycle in the washer and it’ll be the exact same when it comes out. It is desire to survive freaking fire after all.
      • And on storage, leather needs certain levels of conditioning and needs to stay in certain humidity levels, can’t get wet, etc.
        • Whereas a white football uniform can have grass/whatever stains and it’s acceptable. Likewise to clean you throw it into the washer with a ton of bleach. Don’t do that with your leather!
      • Safety is another factor.
        • If you want to get into football attire because you want to do tackling drills, then you probably want a full set of pads.
        • If you are wearing it to the crowded bar, you probably DON’T want the full set of pads *unless it is a uniform night where you might*.
        • Don’t wear JUST a speedo to the bar in the middle of winter. But in summer, by all means.
        • Don’t wear a ghillie suit in the hottest part of summer either. You risk your life there from overheating. (fireman gear is the same problem.)
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COL517: What is…Self-Hatred?

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys present their next installment of the “What is…” series. After COL508, where the cubs talked about self-love, this time they’re talking about the opposite: self-hatred.  What does self-hate involve? Can you truly love yourself and still knock other people down?

Show Topic

What is…Self-Hatred?

  • Discussion of what ‘Self-Hatred’ encompasses. Does the LGB community truly hate itself? Are our own micro aggressions ways of inflicting self-hatred? Can we talk about ‘love’ and still beat ourselves and others down? And what if you just don’t care? Is that self-hatred?

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COL371: HNU: State of the Community 2016

COL371In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined by special guests from across the pond, Bruce and Shutter, to speak on the state of our community. In a year of highlights and lowlights to the LGBT community, the cubs gather together to share their perspectives on US marriage equality, the Orlando shooting, and the UK’s recent vote to potentially leave the EU. It’s a Hostful New Update special edition.

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Introduction Topics

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Welcome to Quarter End.
  • Damon: Pride and OMGKC
  • Gary: Holy Rainbows Batman
  • Bruce: Traveling for work (Austria, Switzerland), Alton Towers
  • Chester: Tidal Wave, Men of the Den, came back to England for a few months

Feedback:

Facebook:

  • Comment: Jim Stevenson “A special THANK YOU for the birthday wish – June 6″

Likes:

  • Ayrton Lauda
  • Jax Martin
  • Benson Green
  • Terry Shawn McLaughlin

Twitter:

 

YouTube Subscriptions: Ally1987 has subscribed to you

BU:

  • Cos0001
  • HotBottomCub83

Email:

Hi again, cubs!

First, I would like to thank you for giving me a shout out in your last episode. I am glad my email was able to clarify some of your questions and I hope your episode was able to answer other people’s questions as well. Second, I was gladly surprised to receive a public invitation to your podcast! I’d be happy to try it out as I have never been invited to a podcast before. I am going to be moving to Albuquerque, NM this Friday and will not have internet at home for a few days… or many (if you have comcast you may know what I mean). However, let me know how you’d like to start this.

Best,

Francisco Salgado-Garcia (aka Cisco)

Weekly Topic

  • LGBTQIA status today – one year ago on June 26th, 2015 the US Supreme Court made Marriage Equality a reality.
  • June 12th, 2016 – Pulse Orlando

Google+ post shared in the COL Entourage Community

Rex Rivers:

I will not be silenced by fear.

The father of Omar Mateen, the suspect who shot and killed more than 50 people at Orlando’s gay nightclub Pulse, said that his son didn’t like it when he saw two men kissing recently in Miami.

Go out and kiss. In public. Make seeing a kiss a common thing. Take away it’s “shock” value. Do it for those who died, and those who won’t because you had the courage to express your love.

  • UK referendum decision to leave the European Union and its impact on the global society

Cooldown Topics

I’ll Tumbl For You:

Links:

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