Tag Archives: power exchange

COL416: LTAK: Consent & Respect 2 Part 1

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another Let’s Talk About Kink. This time around we bring back an old topic in light of recent discussions on social media. The guys are joined by kink favorites Ms Tammy and Ches as well as Brady, Mr. North American Bear Cub 2017 and Ray, Mr. North American Bear 2016 to contemplate consent and respect. In this first part of a two-part series, the guys describe what consent is and when and how things can go wrong with it.

Introduction Topics

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Farming
  • Damon: 91st BDay,  Poker and Old Friends
  • Chester: Lots of new music! Chainsmokers and Todrick Hall
  • Gary: SSDD on loop
  • Ches: FUCKING MOVING, but I still love my husband, CLAW
  • Ms. Tammy: Judging Contests, Leather Events, Mr. KY Leather, Mom and grandsons, Hammy
  • Ray: Finally taking some time from traveling
  • Brady: Travel!

Did I Do That?

Weekly Topic

Let’s Talk About Kink: Respect and Consent

Our previous episode COL314 [found here] was nearly two years ago. Some things though do not change with time…

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COL405: LTAK: Needle Play

In this episode Cubs Out Loud, Jeff, Gary, and Chester are joined by Dane for a chat about kink; or should we say poking? It’s another show in our Let’s Talk About Kink Series and this time we inject some thoughtful questions into the discussion. And for those of you that have a vivid imagination, we go easy on ya. Get ready with some deep breaths and listen in to the conversation that goes skin deep.

Introduction Topics

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Same ole, Same ole
  • Gary: Need cheap meat that tastes good
  • Dane: Hockey/photo’s and setting up for BtW 2017 reg opening

Did I Do That?

  • Gary: On Gigaguess’ Tumblr…
    • For the record… Seeing that I am on someone’s tags as #tumblrcrush is massively flattering.  :p

Weekly Topic

Let’s Talk About Kink: Needle Play

Cooldown Topics

I’ll Tumbl For Ya:

Links:

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COL302: LTAS: The Role You Were Meant to Play

Keep-calm-and-role-play-4In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined by the handsome Ches to discuss roleplaying. From a more fantasy, “vanilla adjacent” view, we talk about our own involvements with roleplay, what one can enjoy from it, and our own personal fantasies.

What’s Going On?

  • [Jeff] – I got nothing
  • [Damon] – Mardi Gras Party
  • [Gary] – Mother Nature Made Us Change Plans (again)

Feedback:

Facebook: Chris Furton & John Patterson

Bear Underground: jonathanwilde & Toad

Weekly Topic

LTAS: Roleplay

  • Who has done it?
  • What were our experiences, if any?
  • Have we fantasized about it?
  • Do we think it’s healthy, prudish, wrong?
  • What is the difference between role-playing for sex vs kink?
  • Is role-playing about the physical or the psychological?

I’ll Tumbl For You:

Links:

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COL288: Let’s Talk About Kink – Protocols

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, we welcome back Ches and Matt to discuss the topic of protocols in a BDSM power exchange. From examples in their relationship, the cubs get to learn more about what protocols actually are and the benefits they serve the dom/sub relationship

What’s Going On?

  • [Jeff] – Molten Corgi
  • [Damon] – Housebuying…meh
  • [Gary] – FOOD, FRIENDSHIP, and SNOW
  • [Ches] – Went to Makers Mark distillery with the huzbear yesterday; judged Mr. Crossings Leather last night – whip gone missing; getting excited for Midwest Bearfest
  • [Matt] – Too good for AT&T

Feedback:

COL WEBSITE: About Us

From Anthony:

I am in love with this podcast! You guys are super funny and give really good advice. As someone who is young and came out fairly recently you guys have really helped me be informed I never knew I should know about as a gay man. You’re like the gay dads I wish I had. I love you guys a lot, keep doing what you’re doing and I look forward to whats next. ;3

P.S. You guys should do more stuff with Gabe, Matt, and Hadrian. And more on the road stuff with Gary. Please and thank you!

[Cubs Out Loud] Comment: “COL282: Let’s Talk About Kink – Dom/sub, you don’t say!”

From Reggie S.

Great job!  I’m really a bit sad I listened to this in the car on my way to work this morning as there were so many things I wanted to write down and say here in the comments.  I still have about 20 minutes more to listen to but I figure why not get it all down while it’s still got that hot french fry feeling!  First of all, thank you for doing this show, you’re providing a great service.  Secondly, thanks for having fantastically educated guests who don’t pull punches but delivered digestible doses of truth and education on a topic I am still coming to understand myself.  I’m still new to my life as a sub; being a black man in the United States who has race play as one of his kinks has taken some getting use to. That being said, your guests made one point that resonated deeply with me and I wanted to thank them and the show for it… Function over Form.  There have been many situations in my life as a gay man where I have felt very “on the outside”. Sir has proven to me that, despite any outside disqualifications I may have to any given group, I do have things to offer. I wouldn’t be so bold as to speak for Sir but he has never denied me. I am his boy. Regardless of whatever preconceived notions I still have of my outside appearance or the validity of this relationship to others, he has never failed to make me feel like his and that has in many ways allowed me to feel what it is like “on the inside”.  Thanks again and keep up the great work.  😀

Weekly Topic

Protocol

  • What is Protocol? [Definition, types, examples]
    • Rules, rituals, formalized behaviors
      • hard and fast rules
      • situational suspension of protocol
      • growth, progress and process
    • Immediate service-based protocol
    • Distance protocols
    • Examples
      • Speech/communication/signals
        • use of titles, names, modes of speech
          • interruptions
        • check-ins, reports, being “on call”
        • hand signals, gestures
        • reflection protocol – diary, blog, vlog, etc.
      • Clothing
        • by setting
        • prohibited/required items
      • Body position
        • presentation
        • movement in groups
      • Direct service
        • Sexual service
          • Chastity, orgasm control/denial
        • Situational behavior – social, public, private
      • Prohibited behaviors
      • Assigned tasks/programs of behavior
    • Creating/Implementing protocols in a power-exchange dynamic
      • purpose (narrow vs. broad)
        • personal development
        • communication purposes
        • expression of power imbalance
      • effectiveness (review, feedback)
        • periodic, contingency
      • changes to protocol
        • protocol stagnation, when protocol becomes habitual
      • pacing: too much, too little, too fast, too slow
  • What is it good for? (ie. What does everybody get out of it?)
    • What subs take away from protocols…
    • What Doms take away from protocols…
    • What outsiders take away from seeing the protocols of others…
  • What happens when protocol breaks down?
    • Keep it, fix it or scrap it?
    • Remember to focus on purpose and effectiveness at achieving that purpose

I’ll Tumbl For You:

Links:

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COL282: Let’s Talk About Kink – Dom/sub, you don’t say!

LTAKIn this episode of Cubs Out Loud, we welcome Ches and Matt to lead an in depth discussion on Dom/sub relationships. From defining some of the terms to offering their takes on the dynamics, the guys exchange insights and provide an intriguing dialogue on power exchange and control.

What’s Going On?

  • [Damon]-Where I Have Been (Comic Con, Bluegrass Leather, Ren Fair)
  • [Gary] – Getting Older

Weekly Topic

BDSM Discussion: Dom/sub Dynamics

  • Dom/sub, Daddy/boy, Sir/boy, Master/slave
    • Role play vs Power Exchange
    • Power Exchange
      • Dom/sub – umbrella
      • “With great power comes great responsibility”
        • Master/slave – focus on pleasure of Master; steward/guardian of slave
        • Daddy/boy & Sir/boy – conditional submission; varying kinds
          • Daddy/boy – mentoring, growth and nurturing for better service in and out; temporary relationship with a defined beginning and end
          • Sir/boy – personal service tailored to the Sir ; extended dynamic with long term possibility
  • Labels, Identities & Titles
    • Look at the power exchange
    • Self-identification
    • Thoughts on Being a Bear
    • “Respect somebody else’s kink”
      • Needs, Activities, Experiences
    • “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” – old mantra?
    • “RACK – Risk, Aware, Consensual, Kink” – new mantra?
  • Play Dynamics vs. Scene Dynamics vs. Relationship Dynamics
    • Play – experiencing with known boundaries
    • Scene – substantial power exchange; individuals familiar with aspects of time, players, experience levels
    • Relationship – extend outside of private settings, more public appearance
  • Closeness of Leather/BDSM Community
    • Support structure for others
  • Respect, Reciprocity and Abuse
  • Personal Responsibility in Representation
  • Local Community Reaction
  • For Da Noobz

I’ll Tumbl For You:

Links:

  • [Gary] – No Boyfren Bon Qui Qui feat. Tammy

  • [Jeff] – Matt Alder – Handsome Man

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