Tag Archives: Polyamory

COL673: LoR: Smörgåsbord

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Landscape of Relationships. For this one, it’s time to belly up to the table as Dr. Ed scoops up a heaping helping of the smorgasbord relationship dynamic. Chow down with the cubs as they sink their teeth into this idea of understanding relationship anarchy. As the guys get to the meat of this topic, will you keep asking for seconds or will you be full up?

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Landscape of Relationships: Smörgåsbord

Landscape of Relationships is back with Dr. Angelini-Cooke to discuss the yummy idea of a Smörgåsbord. Belly up and get ready to sink your teeth into some tasty discussion.

Last month we discussed relationship anarchy, a relationship philosophy developed by Andie Nordgren, that suggests that relationships shouldn’t be bound by any rules not agreed upon by the involved parties.  

The relationship anarchy Smorgasbord finds its origins in December 2016 by Lyrica Lawrence and Heather Orr in Vancouver polyamory.  This was updated by Maxx Hill in April and September of 2018.  The fifth version was created in January 2019.  

“This board includes a number of concepts antithetical to many understandings of RA. Not all who use this are Relationship Anarchists, and those who are may need to discuss how their relational style differs from cultural norms.

The categories are loose generalizations to help conversation, and are arranged with those relating to the larger social/political systems toward the outside, and the more personal toward the center.

To form your relationships: you and another can pick any number of “items” from any number of “platters,” take a huge helping or just a scoop. The dish the two of you hold is your relationship. Remember you must agree together on what is in it! No sneaking items in without the other knowing, or there will likely be conflict or disappointment later. Also: it’s your dish, so if you decide to change what you want from the smörgåsbord later, that’s cool.”

Categories: Physical Intimacy, Kink, Emotional Intimacy, Power Exchange, Partnership, Sexual, Romanctic Collaborative, Professional/Work, Creative, Co-caregivers, Companionship Playfulness, Public Displays of Affection, Emotional Support, Communication, Financial, Legal, Power/Hierarchy, Exclusivity, Caregiving, Religious/Spirituality, Labels/terms, Systems of Oppression (within each of these categories are related items).  

“Suggested Notations:

Yes, Maybe, Maybe in the Future, and Let’s Talk, Definitely No.  Color-coding and highlighting is fun too.”



 

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COL661: LoR: Queer Platonic Relationships

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Dr. Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. For this episode, the guys discuss QPRs or Queer Platonic Relationships. QPRs are intimate relationships that are neither romantic nor sexual in nature. Listen in as Ed builds up the fundamentals of this different relationship dynamic and its origins and brings it up to date for modern audiences.

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Landscape of Relationships: Queer Platonic Relationships

Landscape of Relationships returns. Queer platonic relationships are our focus this month when it comes to relationships. QPRs are committed intimate relationships which are neither romantic nor sexual in nature and that differ from close friendship by having the same structure and status as a romantic relationship. The concept originates in aromantic and asexual spaces in the LGBT community. The term has begun to also be used in polyamorous communities to help describe the complex relationships.  The term “queers” social norms for defining relationships, it isn’t a friendship nor is it a romantic relationship.

Asexual (Ace)

  • “Sexual orientation where a person experiences little to no sexual attraction to anyone and/or does not experience desire for sexual contact” (aceandaros.com, 2021)

Aromantic (Aro)

  • “Romantic orientation, which describes people whose experience of romance is disconnected from normative societal expectations, commonly due to experiencing little to no romantic attraction, but also due to feeling repulsed by romance, or being uninterested in romantic relationships.” (AUREA FAQ on Aromanticism.org, 2021).  

Allosexual 

  • “Describes people who are not on the asexual spectrum. They can have any romantic orientation, including aromantic” (TAAAP.org, 2021).  

Alloromantic

  • “Described people who are not on the aromantic spectrum. They have any sexual orientation, including asexual” (TAAAP.org, 2001).

Historically speaking , QPR has been described as an “ancient practice made new again”. 

  • Boston MarriagesA Boston marriage was one in which two independent women chose to build a life and a household together, rather than marrying. 
  • Romantic FriendshipsClose but often times non-sexual relationship. Used primarily in historical contexts (e.g. Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens; Abraham Lincoln and Joshua Speed).

Zucchini 

  • Term of endearment used to describe a queerplatonic partner.  
  • Also, “squish” has been used to describe a non-romantic crush.

Amatonormativity (Elizabeth Brake)

  • The idea that everyone needs to be in a romantic relationship 
  • Hallmark movies 
  • Laws surrounding marriage 
  • Chosen families 

Other Resources

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COL532: The Landscape of Relationships

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined by previous guest Edward Angelini-Cooke for an in depth discussion on relationships. Based on some of Edward’s research for his doctoral dissertation, the cubs breakdown some of the various dynamics in the vast landscape of relationships. From monogamy to polycules, listen as the cubs give some insight to the “It’s Complicated” relationship statuses and more.

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The Landscape of Relationships

    • Relationship Anarchy – belief that relationships should not be bound by rules aside from what the people involved mutually agree upon
    • Closed Relationships – relationships that limits sexual and romantic to strictly the parties involved in the relationship
      • Monogamy – a two-person relationship in which an individual has only one partner during their lifetime—alternately, only one partner at any one time (Serial Monogamy)
        • Infidelity – violation of a couple’s assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and/or sexual exclusivity (synonyms include: cheating, straying, adultery (when married), being unfaithful, or having an affair)
      • Polyfidelity – a relationship structure where all members are considered equal partners and agree to restrict sexual activity to only other members of the group [considered both closed and open at the same time]
    • Open Relationships – a relationship that is non-monogamous; generally indicates a relationship where there is a primary relationship between two partners, who agree to at least the possibility of other people
      • Monogamish – In a July 20, 2011 column, Dan Savage coined the term, applying it to his own relationship with his partner; describing couples who are “mostly” but not 100% monogamous; such couples have an understanding that allows for some amount of sexual activity outside the relationship
      • Poly
        • Polyamory – the practice of, or desire for, relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved; described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy”
        • Polygamy – the practice of marrying multiple spouses
          • Polygyny – most common/accepted form of polygamy; marriage of a man with several women
          • Polyandry – marriage in which a woman takes two or more husbands at the same time
    • Bigamy – In cultures where monogamy is mandated, bigamy is the act of entering into a marriage with one person while still legally married to another
      • Swinging – [sometimes called wife swapping, husband swapping, or partner swapping] sexual activity in which both singles and partners in a committed relationship engage in such activities with others as a recreational or social activity

Resources 

Books:

Podcasts 

  • Loving Without Boundaries 
  • Polamory Weekly 
  • Touch of Flavor [kink centric]
  • Non-monogamy Help
  • Savage Lovecast

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COL306: Hostful News Updates – Sex, Relationships & All That Jazz

COL298In this episode Cubs Out Loud, we bringing you more special news bulletins. The hosts come back together after a hiatus to catch up and discuss some recent online articles. From compersion to polyamory to three dudes that get married, we discuss the wide world of relationships from a cubby point of view.

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What’s Going On?

  • [Jeff] – A lot of work
  • [Damon] – The house hunt is over
  • [Gary] – What day is it?

Feedback:

Facebook:

  • Claude Dominic
  • Cody Duke Anderson
  • Danny Fedor
  • Edoardo Moraima
  • Jeff Fulkerson

Stitcher Radio:

★★★★★5 out of 5 stars

COLfan – a year ago

Frankly hilarious

This crew has something to offer any podcaster who encounters it.  Downright silly at times, yet also very thought-provoking at other times.

UrbanDictionary

Dat (blank) doe – as in “Dat dick doe”, which was used in Episode 303 from the KY run.

Weekly Topic

Article links:

Polyamorous/Compersion –

Open/Closed Relationships –

“World’s First Three Way Same Sex Marriage” –

Gay Men’s Role Can Be Determined by Their Face –

I’ll Tumbl For You:

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COL170: My Husband John, Our Cub Jake, Our Boyfriend Matthew . . .

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, we take a look at relationships, mostly of the multi partner variety. Triad, Tribes, and all sorts of polyamory. This, Love on Craigslist, more Mae West, and other picks.

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So what the F did you do this week?

This week on COL Movies
This week on Heat Sinks

Facebook Likes This Week: Rob Jablonski

Tumblr Follows This Week: Trekinut26, TheNaughtyCub

Topics:

  • [Damon] Open Relationships & Bears (Triads, Polyamory, etc.)

Poll of the Week: More than one partner, cool or not?

Love On Craigslist – Bringing The Best Of Love And Lust To You!

Picks:

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