Tag Archives: platonic

COL601: Landscape of Relationships: FWB

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to continue our Landscape of Relationships series. In this installment, the cubs share their thoughts on FWBs, otherwise known as friends with benefits. What are the building blocks of this type of relationship and how do you make it work? And, what exactly are the benefits?

Show Topic

Landscape of Relationships: Friends With Benefits

Is a friendship a relationship????

  • Thoughts?
  • Many cultures define friendships as a very important relationship
    • LGBTQ community- “chosen family”
  • Atlantic 2020 article that discussed the cultural and historical importances of friendships

The relationship escalator

A set of societal expectations for intimate relationships.  Partners follow a set of progressive set of steps, each with clear markers, with a goal in mind.

  • Making contact / Flirting
  • Initiation 
  • Claiming and defining 
  • Establishment 
  • Commitment 
  • Merging 
  • Conclusion 
  • Legacy

What does the science say about FWB relationships?

  • In 2017, 171 University of Denver students (more women than men) were surveyed on sexual satisfaction, commitment and trust of FWB relationships
  • Big takeaways? *drumroll please* communication and setting healthy boundaries
  • They found sexual satisfaction was important but so was sacrificing for the good of the partner, and not looking for the next best thing.
  • Why?  Lots of research is looking at young adults who are in school.  Romantic relationships are oftentimes an added stressor that takes away from studying.  Some students opt for FWB arrangements to reduce overall stress.  

How to make a “friendship with benefits” work.

  • FWBs are supposed to decrease pressure, not add pressure.  
  • You need to be friends in order to call it a FWB.  Those take time, trust, shared history, etc. 
  • Must be mutually beneficial and convenient 
  • If the FWB ends, you are allowed to be upset.  
  • It’s confusing to try to develop friendship founded on a sexual relationship guided by a rule system that has to be invented as you go. Or, when you’re trying to force a friendship so that you can add sex as a benefit, where does the friendship part fit in? That’s putting the benefits before the friendship.”
  • “Sexual exploration can and often does become a part of an existing friendship between consenting people. Or you may have been in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with this person earlier in your life, but now it’s morphed into a friendship. In such circumstances, the sexual connection may remain, or may be reintroduced. But the common thread is the history between you, the investment you share in the friendship, and the trust that has formed. You recognize that you both enjoy the chemistry, but that you may not be as compatible emotionally as you are sexually. It’s a mutually understood experience. The connection you have as friends determines whether this time in your life and in your relationship is right to be sharing benefits.”

Tips for Having a FWB relationship that isn’t a mess

  • Make sure you can handle the emotional complexities 
  • Define “friend” and “benefit” and make sure the other person is on the same page
  • Don’t start an FWB with someone who wants something more
  • Transparency with each other’s sexual history
  • FWB’s and Fuck Buddies are two different things
  • FWB relationships are about respect and boundaries
  • Prioritize the friendship over the benefits

 

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COL561: LTAS: Asking and Receiving

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s time for another Let’s Talk About Sex! For this episode, the guys are joined again by COL Sex Therapist Edward Angelini-Cooke to discuss the concept of asking and receiving. As we explore romantic relationships, the cubs review negotiations, consent, and getting your needs met and fulfilled. Also sandwiches, pizzas, and tea and what they mean in the grand scheme of things (Don’t worry Gary, there’s no food play involved).

Show Topic

Let’s Talk About Sex – Asking and Receiving

  • Why is it so hard to ask for something during sex?
  • Are you being rude if you don’t show appreciation for the other participant during sex?
  • What do you do if you wanted a blow job but they aren’t doing that thing that you really like when you are getting a blowjob?  You know that thing…

The Good Touch Games….Drenched Fur….Gabe and Edward

Consent 

  • “An agreement between two parties who are about to engage in sexual activity”-RAINN
  • Consent is just as much about no as it is about yes.  
  • Consent is about both parties getting what they want
  • Consent Tea Video 

Asking 

    • Asking leads to intimacy

Receiving 

  • Periodic Checking in (Verbal and non-verbal)
  • How to receive (Compliment Sandwich)
  • Show appreciation 
  • Room for improvement 
  • Show appreciation again
  • Repeat till orgasm (if that is what you want on your pizza)

NPR Safe Sex Communication Skills and COVID-19 Social Bubbles

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COL398: LTAS: ‘Bud Sex’

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, we are joined by Hadrian for another Let’s Talk About Sex! This time around we talk about “bud sex”, where rural guys are hooking up with other guys, but are totally “not gay”. Is this a new phenomenon or just a rebranding of something the guys already knew about?

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Introduction Topics

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff: Hibernation Mode
  • Damon: Union Suits and Revisiting Spaces
  • Gary: New Year, SSDD
  • Hadrian: Travel and Fun

Weekly Topic

Let’s Talk About Sex discussion with guest Hadrian on ‘Bud Sex’. Part of the topic will be covered by two recent articles about men having sex with men and ‘dropping’ labels.

Cooldown Topics

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