Tag Archives: personal space

COL540: The Landscape of Relationships – Part 2

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke for an in depth discussion on relationships. For this second part, the guys delve into boundaries and rules. With Edward’s help, the cubs discuss the similarities and differences between these two terms, how they relate to each person and those involved in the relationship, and also discord on the potential minefield of expectations. How do we set our boundaries? Are expectations a good or a bad thing? What’s on your relationship checklist? The guys hash out these questions and more.

Show Topic

The Landscape of Relationships – Boundaries and Rules

Boundaries (“I Will/I Won’t”) v. Rules/Agreements/Expectations (“You/We Won’t”)

  • debated topic within relationship communities 
  • Is this a rule or a boundary?
    • Boundary as skin metaphor (protects us from bacteria, allows the good stuff in and sweats the bad stuff out, elastic with limitations [you can break skin], boundaries are about me
    • Rules are about us and you, jealousy, usually some form of control 
  • Pros and Cons of Rules 
    • Pros:
      • Contracts 
      • Establishing or Re-establishing solid foundation of connection and intimacy
      • Conditional…not unilateral or controlling
      • Spoken
    • Cons:
      • Can be Controlling
      • Can be rigid and unhealthy
      • Can be Set up to be broken 
      • Unspoken
  • Agreements are similar to the idea of a relationship contract or vows 
  • Expectations are resentments waiting to happen

Kinds of Personal Boundaries 

  • Emotional 
    • Example: Don’t go to the hardware store for bread
  • Physical
    • Examples: allergies, personal bubble, DON’T COME INTO MY ROOM, MOM!!!!
  • Time
    • Examples: don’t make plans within 24 hours, I have office hours on Tuesdays
  • Sexual
    • Examples: Consent, Refer to checklist
  • Intellectual 
    • Examples: Agree to disagree, awareness of who and what you are talking about 
  • Material 
    • Examples: Don’t lend out money, I need that sling back by Friday etc

Open-Relationship Checklist 

  • Fill this out separately for you, not your partner 
    • Find out your boundaries first THEN discuss your partner’s THEN discuss how they overlap or don’t overlap

Review:

  • Communication 
  • Boundaries are like skin 
  • You Don’t Have to Be In an Open Relationship to Discuss Boundaries!!!!!

Books:

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COL501: LTAS: Bathhouse Etiquette

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the cubs are joined by the multi-talented Daddy Hadrian for another Let’s Talk About Sex. In a follow up on previous episodes, today’s show is all about bathhouse etiquette: some spoken and unspoken rules, and tips and tricks to follow while engaging in the cruisy atmosphere of the gay bathhouse. Learn how to be a prepared bear before, during, and after you put that towel around your waist.

Show Topic

Welcoming back our longest standing guest host for his 28th appearance, Hadrian McQuaig!

Previous Related Topics – COL422: Playspace Etiquette, COL411: Bathhouse Experiences

  • Being invisible is rarely an option; you will probably be seen/watched
  • Respect – how to give and get it
  • Consent  – the subtle and direct moments
  • Get What You Want with Courtesy
  • Safety – yours and everyone else’s
  • Be PrEPared – inside and out
  • Stay Hydrated

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COL417: LTAK: Consent & Respect 2 Part 2

In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s another Let’s Talk About Kink. This time around we bring back an old topic in light of recent discussions on social media. The guys are joined by kink favorites Ms Tammy and Ches as well as Brady, Mr. North American Bear Cub 2017 and Ray, Mr. North American Bear 2016 to contemplate consent and respect. In this second part, the guys talk about how to stop things from going wrong with consent and what to do when things do go wrong. Listen in as we continue talking about this deep subject.

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Weekly Topic

Let’s Talk About Kink: Respect and Consent

Our previous episode COL314 [found here] was nearly two years ago. Some things though do not change with time…

Cooldown Topics

I’ll Tumbl For Ya:

Links:

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COL314: LTAK: Consent and Respect

consentIn this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the cubs are joined by several guests (returning guests Ms. Tammy, Ches and Shutter as well as new guests Shelby and Stickpup!) in another Let’s Talk About Kink! This time around, we let some pups speak about the role they play in the community and move beyond that to the issues of consent and respect.

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Introduction Topics

What’s Going On?

  • Jeff – Avengers
  • Damon – It’s Official
  • Gary – Owwww…..

Feedback:

Facebook Likes:

  • Adrian Valdez
  • Charles Key
  • Derek Martin Stark
  • Douglas Bridges
  • Jacob Osito
  • Rinaldo Bertucci
  • Rusty Young
  • Ünder Bear

Urbandictionary:

Pupsticle Course – The act of having to step over dogs sleeping on the floor in your or a friends home.

Mike: Butch come here a minute please, I need your help.
Butch: Coming.
Mike: What’s taking so long?
Butch: Sorry, I had to deal with a 3 dog pupsticle course.

Weekly Topic

Let’s Talk About Kink series discussion: Consent and Respect.

Cooldown Topics

I’ll Tumbl For You:

Links:

  • [Jeff] – Atomas – iTunes – Google Play
  • [Gary] – 20 Facts About The Muppets (feat. The Muppets!) – mental_floss on YouTube – List Show (309)

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