In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of April. From growing pains to mad financial gains, listen in as the guys disrupt their sleep cycles to bring you all up to date on their goings-on for the first full month of Spring.
What’s Going On?
Jeff: What’s a sleep schedule?
Damon: Concert in the Can/Money in the Bank
Gary: Getting Older Revelations
Feedback
Blog Comment:
Hi COL, Woof woof. I’m a pup from India, figuring things out as they come. I saw your podcast and I was wondering if I could join you for an episode. Thanks and look forward to. Pawfully yours, Pup Max
Twitter Followers:
@DSlave24
Recent Shows
COL596: WGO – March 2021
COL597: LTAF: Gay Brunch
COL598: Landscape of Relationships: Trust Part Two
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of July. For this month, the guys talk about their work-life balances, family struggles, and a lot of D&D gaming. On top of this, the cubs share your recent feedback, give you some big bear love, and provide some fun shows to get you through your hot summer nights.
What’s Going On?
Jeff: D&D Madness! and The Legend of Korra
Damon: Workload, A Tragedy, and a Guest
Gary: Welp, Another Month Gone
Feedback:
Facebook Likes:
Tiffany Wilson Lane
Kitti Sage
Anthony Cruz
Facebook Comment/Post:
COL558: LTAF: All Time Faves – Tim Shell – Love the episode I hope you do more. I tried Jeff’s version of grilled cheese with munster delicious I’m hooked !
COL559: ATNS: A Whole New PRIDE – Tim Shell – Another good episode. I hope you would have a topic about racism in the bear community. I think now would be a good discussion.
COL562: What is… Pleasure? – Edward Angelini-Cooke – I love aural pleasure!
Instagram Followers:
Sirkingbearlamar
Justice_for_the_family
kybubbabear
YouTube Subscribers:
Seika The Bear
Dustin Jacobs
Eulalia
YouTube Comment:
Re: COL562: What is. . . Pleasure? – TheNaishproductions. To some extent Cellphones are glorified portable dopamine dispensers. Not convinced people actually use them as a communication device or more for the narcissistic posting of Food, i’m here & you’re not and the ever impressive “Best Night Everrrrrr!!!” photos.
Re: COL562: What is. . . Pleasure? – Oan R. – Was the self-harm road really the best way to go about talking about pain and pleasure? That was a bit triggering. Edit: I don’t know, maybe I was hearing that wrong.
Re: COL562: What is. . . Pleasure? – Oan R. –About the mask thing: for autistics, sensory issues come into play. Although I haven’t had any issues myself, there are people who have had issues.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys continue their “What is…” series with an episode on pleasure. So, what’s your pleasure? What’s my pleasure? Is it a pleasure to meet you or a pleasure to make your acquaintance? Is pleasure just sexual or are there multiple types of pleasure? Listen in as the cubs get to the pleasure principle and break it all down for you. Will this episode be pleasurable to you?
Show Topic
What is… Pleasure?
Definition: noun – a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment. Adjective – used or intended for entertainment rather than business. Verb – give sexual enjoyment or satisfaction to.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to discuss the landscape of relationships. In this fourth installment, Edward and the cubs break down the complicated emotion of jealousy and how it affects romantic and other relationships. Is jealousy truly a green-eyed monster or just simply misunderstood?
Show Topic
The Landscape of Relationships – Jealousy
Jealousy Quotes
“Beware….of jealousy! It is the green-eyed monster, which doth mock/The meat it feeds on.”-Iago, Othello, William Shakespeare
“Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.” – Maya Angelou
“Jealousy is not a barometer by which the depth of love can be read, it merely records the degree of the lover’s insecurity.” – Margaret Mead
Cognitive Triangle
Emotions
Emotions are needed for survival
Universally accepted expressions of feelings
Notice there are more “negative emotions” than “positive emotions”….why?
Complex Emotions
examples : Grief, Regret, Jealousy, Envy
Complex emotions include various emotional states (e.g. grief is the one we are most familiar with….Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance). Freud’s model of Jealousy includes four major components: Grief (pain of losing a relationship), Realization (we can’t have everything we want), Enmity (towards the “winner” of affection/attention), and Anger towards ourselves that we are not good enough.
Complex emotions vary based on the person, situation, and culture….therefore, we can not rely on universally accepted facial expression.
Jealousy
What is it? Jealousy is a complex emotion that includes feelings of anger, sadness, fear. Typically experienced when a person experienced a threat to a relationship.
DISCLAIMER: This feeling is not only reserved for romantic relationships. We can have feelings of jealousy in familial, work, and friend relationships.
Is it normal? Absolutely. Evolutionary scientists have shown that animals, such as dogs, experience jealousy. It is a necessary emotion in order to preserve social bonds. While it may be normal, it may not be helpful.
People who experience jealousy in relationships, not shockingly, report decreased relationship satisfaction.
Why am I feeling Jealous? Research suggests that low self-esteem, possessiveness over others, high neuroticism , fear of abandonment are predictors of jealousy.
Suspicious jealous-feeling stimulated by a thought or a feeling….this is typically due to an attachment trauma, self-conscious, low self esteem.
Reactive jealousy-feeling stimulated by an actual event or triggers. (Second Life study)
What Do We Do?
Work on yourself first….
What is your relationship with jealousy? Do you have a pattern of jealousy in your life? How intense?
What are you feeling (angry, sad, or afraid)?
What evidence do we have? What am I thinking about?
Why am I feeling this way? Am I envious? At whom or what?
How am I experiencing this physically? If I feel tense, can I relax?
Notice that your thoughts and emotions shift and change….this isn’t going to last forever.
Once you do this….then we can talk to our partner.
Communicate with your partner your feelings. Recognize that jealousy isn’t a bad thing. Discuss boundaries.
If your partner is the one who is jealous….
Listen to them….completely (Mantra: Just Shut Up and Listen!)
Don’t respond
Reflect back what you are hearing
Practice empathy
Recognize that the jealous says more about them than it does about you.
Addressing your Jealousy
Refer to The Jealousy Workbook Chapter 17 through the end
Buddhism, mindfulness, meditation, attachment
Eye Movement, Desensitization, and Reprocessing (EMDR)
Positive affirmations
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) CBT therapy that disects thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Compersion
Combination of pleasant feelings and thoughts towards your partner when they are in a positive romantic relationship with someone else.
Turning jealousy into compersion….finding neutrality. Increase empathy. Look through their eyes.
Constriction to expansion.
Exclusion, abandonment, and deprivation to belonging, autonomy, and responsibility.
Review:
Jealousy is a normal emotion, but not always helpful.
Listen to what jealousy is telling you as the person experiencing it or the person receiving it.
Don’t avoid that you are on the ride.
Communicate
If you feel you suffer from anxious attachment, talking to someone is helpful.
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, the guys are joined once again by Edward Angelini-Cooke to discuss the landscape of relationships. For this segment, the cubs go in depth on communication. From communication types and styles to learning some of the pitfalls of extreme words, listen as Edward guides the cubs on effective communication in all relationships.
Show Topic
The Landscape of Relationships – Communication
DISCLOSURE: Communication is important and vital in all relationships….not just open relationships. Duh.
Cognitive Triangle
Feelings: How we feel impacts how we think and how we act (No control)
Thoughts: How we think impacts how we feel and how we act (Mostly control)
Behaviors: How we behave impacts how we feel and how we think (Mostly control)
Communication Traps
Assumptions/Expectations
“Have you ever wondered, well I have, about how when I say, say red, for example, there’s no way of knowing, if red means the same thing in your head as red means in my head when someone says red.” – Matilda
In this episode of Cubs Out Loud, it’s our What’s Going On for the month of April. From growing pains to mad financial gains, listen in as the guys disrupt their sleep cycles to bring you all up to date on their goings-on for the first full month of Spring.
